Are your bedrooms always clean?

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Forum -> Household Management -> Cleaning & Laundry

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amother

Aqua

Wed, Dec 05 2018, 2:03 pm

amother wrote:

Amother aqua, forget about the mom or mom in law coming to visit. What about your daughters husband?? Will he be crazy for expecting a home where beds are made and there's no clothes lying around on the floor?
You almost seem proud that you're raising slobs.

I am not “raising slobs” at all. That is borderline a personal insult (to my kids) so please watch your tone. I am proud that my parenting isn’t rigid and inflexible yes. While it drives me crazy that one of my teens has a messy room, she has negative consequences when she keeps it that way (mislaid items, no friends over) and positive consequences when she tidies (knowing where everything is when she needs it, friends sleeping over).

As I have mentioned in a previous post, some children as adults prefer their house messier because their rigid, inflexible mothers made them always tidy up. Similarly, just like my daughter currently keeps her room messy, doesn’t mean she won’t be happy to keep things clean when married. Not all men expect pristine houses either.

If the worst thing my daughter does in a marriage is not make a bed, she’ll be an amazing wife.

zaq

Wed, Dec 05 2018, 2:23 pm

amother wrote:

We need to prepare and teach our girls to be able to run a home of their own, .

And what are your boys, chopped onion? They need basic domestic skills, too. Your future kolleleit no less than your future CEOs. Maybe more, considering that your future kollel dils will be expected to support the family and will need your ds to handle a good deal of the household tasks.

amother

Seafoam

Wed, Dec 05 2018, 2:31 pm

amother wrote:

These ladies need an adjustment. You can have beds made and clothes organized without being rigid. It is not one or the other. Clean people don't necessarily speak loshen hara. Who thinks this way IRL? I think it is the slobs who speak loshen hora to make themselves feel better if I had to pick which category is more negative.

I run a super relaxed home where everyone is welcome to knock in anytime and bring their own guests. At this point when my kids see things out of place in the public rooms, they will put them back without me asking. They have a pride in their home.

I don't ask guests to pick up after themselves. I don't ask the kids to do anything more than keep their bathrooms and bedrooms orderly. I don't even ask them to clean them.

I really wonder what happens when these kids with the messy rooms go to seminary or to learn. Who would want to live with them? Who would want them as guests? Even more important who would want to marry them?

amother

Turquoise

Wed, Dec 05 2018, 2:43 pm

I feel like the "how dare you have any extra money to spend" vibe on Imamother is similar to the "how dare you have a clean house" vibe. You must be OCD, neurotic, or abusive to have a clean and neat home.
My house is spick and span 22/7. I am not a drill sergent and my kids are very happy. My husband is so gratefull to come home to a clean house at the end of the day.

observer

Wed, Dec 05 2018, 2:48 pm

amother wrote:

Bedrooms are always clean and organized with the beds made. Children are taught not to leave the house unless their room is picked up.

1. Do you work outside the home?

2. Do you have very young children?

amother

Pewter

Wed, Dec 05 2018, 2:54 pm

I'm wondering when the definition of "slob" expanded to include anyone whose bed is not made and has some personal items lying on surfaces.

amother

Seafoam

Wed, Dec 05 2018, 2:54 pm

observer wrote:

1. Do you work outside the home?

2. Do you have very young children?

I work outside the house.

My children are not very young. IMO it is often easier to get cooperation from younger children. My children have been trained from a young age to take care of their things just as they have been trained to take care of their person. If they are old enough to brush their teeth and hair on their own, they are old enough to cover their mattress with a blanket when they get up.

amother

Copper

Wed, Dec 05 2018, 3:03 pm

Zaq, I meant girls and boys alike need to be taught to make their beds and clean up after themselves. A wife does not appreciate a messy husband and a husband does not appreciate a messy wife. Same goes for dorm life, no one appreciates a roommate that does not make their bed or that leaves things on the floor. The whole room can get detention cause of one messy girl.
Being neat does not happen overnight, kids have to be taught to be responsible adults.

pause

Wed, Dec 05 2018, 3:35 pm

amother wrote:

Yes, he will be crazy to expect all beds made every day in the house. He will also be crazy to expect that there will NEVER be clothes lying on the floor. No, it's not a daily nor even weekly occurrence in my house, but it happens. And on those rare occasions when I literally don't have the extra second to pack away the clothes, I'm glad my DH can "handle" it without getting stressed.

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Dec 05 2018, 3:39 pm

amother wrote:

No, I don't. But often you can see them while visiting. Those whose bedrooms are clean have the public rooms clean and organized.

huh? When I have guests over my bedroom door is closed. My room is not always neat but when I have guests? My open space
(Living/dining room) is clean. No connection at all.

amother

Copper

Wed, Dec 05 2018, 3:47 pm

Well pause, if you think a man is crazy for expecting the beds to be made, I really really have pity on your sons in law. Some posters here said they never make the beds and there are always clothes on the floor. Once in a while if you dont manage that's ok, but to never make beds just because???? That's unacceptable.

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Dec 05 2018, 3:48 pm

amother wrote:

Huh? And man that EXPECTS his wife to make the beds is bad news, in my books.
Not making ones bed does not make one a slob. Goodness!!!

Iymnok

Wed, Dec 05 2018, 3:50 pm

Do people really expect beds to be made all the time?
It is actually more sanitary to leave the covers back to air out the sheets.

amother

Copper

Wed, Dec 05 2018, 3:59 pm

Shabbatiscoming, not making the beds does make one a slob.

amother

Aqua

Wed, Dec 05 2018, 4:13 pm

amother wrote:

You want a middle ground yet it is you who talk about two types of people: slobs vs clean. You realise that most of us are in the middle of these two extremes? You realise calling someone a slob is an insult? As some other IMAs point out, not everyone is skilled at keeping their homes pristine. This doesn’t make them a slob.

When you talk about people having mess and being slobs, you absolutely are talking LH. You don’t know what physical or mental ailments people may need to contend with in order to do tasks or get their children to do tasks that you find simple.

Based on how you talk here, I don’t believe for one second that your house is “super relaxed” at all. I know I wouldn’t want to set foot somewhere where you would be thinking my family are slobs.

Lots of people on this thread have said they are messy. Many messy people on here are married. To spouses. Who wanted to marry them and are still happily married to them. I know several neat, organised people who are older singles. Several people who had messy rooms as teens grow out of it. Some people in houses like yours start having messy rooms as adults because they can.

Who would want to marry a child who has a mother who may call their house a pig sty or slobbish.....

amother

Aqua

Wed, Dec 05 2018, 4:16 pm

amother wrote:

It’s fine to have a spick and span house. The issue is people with clean houses would do well to accept that not everybody does and that those who don’t are not inferior to you or “slobs” as amother Seafoam keeps implying.

amother

Aqua

Wed, Dec 05 2018, 4:19 pm

amother wrote:

Unacceptable to YOU. So YOU don’t have an unmade bed or clothes on floor. Other IMAs do. Big deal. Live with it. I’d rather have a messy friend than a judgmental one who expects me to live up to her cleaning standards or be deemed “unacceptable”....

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Dec 05 2018, 4:20 pm

amother wrote:

why is it not acceptable to never make beds?
And I oersonally really DO think that any man would be crazy to expect the beds to be made. First off, each INDIVIDUAL can make their own bed and two, a man who expects that will be sorely disappointed when it doesnt happen.

happymom123

Wed, Dec 05 2018, 4:21 pm

amother wrote:

Shabbatiscoming, not making the beds does make one a slob.

Sorry, are you serious? Wow. That's remarkably ridiculous. My beds aren't always made and guess what? The rest of the house is clean and neat.

amother

Copper

Wed, Dec 05 2018, 4:21 pm

Amother aqua, yes lots of women on here are messy and married. But look at all threads where the women are complaining that their husbands are upset because their house is messy.

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