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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children
My 11 year old dd doesn't wipe well!



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amother
Mustard


 

Post Tue, Dec 04 2018, 5:11 pm
I'm constantly finding #2 in her underwear. She has gotten better over the years, and we do have wipes at home, but still she has in her underwear. I've gone to a urologist and I really feel its from not wiping well and I don't think she is constipated. Forget it if she does #2 in school. Then it's all over her underwear. I'm embarrassed for her. I don't know what to do.
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Iymnok




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 04 2018, 5:28 pm
Have you tried disposable wipes?
Is your relationship such that you could talk to her about it and research how to wipe?
She is at an age that it could affect her socially.
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amother
Bisque


 

Post Tue, Dec 04 2018, 7:16 pm
I don't know what I'd do with an eleven year old, but I have taught two kids how to wipe decently, and now I'm working with my for yr old:
But with younger kids (4-6), especially when they're learning, I wipe them to show where, and how it should feel.
Could be she not wiping properly, with proper amount of pressure. Maybe she's doing out too lightly.
I also tell my kids that they have to wipe until the toilet paper comes out clean.

I'm assuming you've ruled out accidents, but maybe that's what it is Perhaps partial accidents. Why would she be dirtier when making at school? Do you talk her through wiping every time at home? I doubt it.
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amother
Bisque


 

Post Tue, Dec 04 2018, 7:18 pm
And I second disposable wipes. It makes it easier and smoother. (I'd rather help my son with wipes than toilet paper.) Keep wipes in bathroom drawer or counter at home.
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amother
Ecru


 

Post Tue, Dec 04 2018, 7:19 pm
Maybe she just doesnt make it to the bathroom on time?
Tell her she should wipe till the wipe is clean and she should be firm.
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amother
Mustard


 

Post Tue, Dec 04 2018, 7:23 pm
amother wrote:
I don't know what id do with an eleven year old, but I have taught two kids his to wipe decently, and now im wiring with my for yr old:
But with younger kids (4-6), especially when they're learning, I wipe them to show whee and how it should feel.
Could be she not wiping properly, with proper amount of pressure. Maybe she's doing out too lightly.
I also tell my kids that they have to wipe until the toilet paper comes out clean.

I'm assuming you've ruled out accidents, but maybe that's what it is Perhaps partial accidents. Why would she be dirtier when making at school? Do you talk her through wiping every time at home? I doubt it.


She's dirtier at school because she doesn't have wipes. And the toilet paper is super thin I don't think she even tries. I have talked her through how to do it for years. I've taken her to drs who thought it was enecropesis (leaking #2) and it happens when constipated. So she put her on a laxative. Well, she was going more often, and she had more dirty underwear , I just felt that the problem was wiping which was always an issue. I have done all the regular teaching of how to toilet. She is not my only kid. But she is my only kid with this issue. I am very close with her and I don't believe in shaming, but I did tell her she cannot do sleepovers until this is resolved for her own sake
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teachkids




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 04 2018, 7:54 pm
It could also be the consistency makes it hard to wipe it all out, because it doesn't all make it all the way out. See if some extra fiber helps at all.
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Goldie613




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 04 2018, 8:10 pm
What about bringing wipes to school? She can have some in a few small ziploc bags (think sandwich or snack size) that she can bring into the bathroom with her and use to wipe herself after using the school's toilet paper. They make kinds that flush so that she wouldn't have to carry anything out to the garbage.

It should be possible for her to handle that discreetly, just as she"ll have to discreetly bring a pad or tampons into the school bathroom with her in a couple of years.
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amother
cornflower


 

Post Tue, Dec 04 2018, 8:11 pm
Is she sitting when she wipes? Sometimes kids stand up, and they don't get full access that way. I'm assuming you showed her how to bunch up the thin tp at school to make it more useful.
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Goldie613




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 04 2018, 8:13 pm
Also, I know of one child who seemed to have an issue with soiling his underwear, and it turned out this child had a thyroid issue. Because of that he kept getting constipated, which stretched things out to the point that he kept leaking # 2.

It took some time and medication, but once his thyroid was handled the rest was fixable.
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mandr




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 04 2018, 10:40 pm
It could be a rectal prolapse which causes the last bit of #2 to stay inside and not really come out even after repeated wiping. Try to see if she is able to achieve a fully clean wipe after going.
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ra_mom




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 04 2018, 11:36 pm
I am sure you have tried everything like teaching her to wipe and then look at the tissue, and if the tissue is soiled, to drop it in the toilet and start with fresh tissues, then repeat and look, as many times as necessary until she can see that the tissue no longer has soil on it - and that's her hint to know she's clean.
I am sure you've also encouraged her to use as well as sent wipes in a small travel holder, and helped remind her to refill it every night for school.
If you've done all this and she still has an issue, continue pursuing the medical end. mandr's suggestion to bring up to the doctor seems sound.
I hope things get better soon! Hug
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ra_mom




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 05 2018, 12:05 am
Btw, these are very good to keep on hand as they don't take up space in your purse, her backpack.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d.....lSrch
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amother
Blush


 

Post Wed, Dec 05 2018, 12:57 am
amother wrote:
She's dirtier at school because she doesn't have wipes. And the toilet paper is super thin I don't think she even tries. I have talked her through how to do it for years. I've taken her to drs who thought it was enecropesis (leaking #2) and it happens when constipated. So she put her on a laxative. Well, she was going more often, and she had more dirty underwear , I just felt that the problem was wiping which was always an issue. I have done all the regular teaching of how to toilet. She is not my only kid. But she is my only kid with this issue. I am very close with her and I don't believe in shaming, but I did tell her she cannot do sleepovers until this is resolved for her own sake

Have you checked to ensure that the constipation was in fact eliminated? Because the process of healing encopresis often is 2 steps forward 1 step back.

If she is constipated, then the constant pressure of stool causes it to no longer be a signal to the brain that she needs to relieve herself. The leaking would be from stool making its way around the obstruction.

To heal long-standing constipation, you would need to use an enema to clean things out, and then ensure that she relieves herself fully daily (use a suppository or enema as necessary) to keep things from getting backed up again, until the colon has a chance to get back to its original size - I think that's about a month? At that point, the "full" signal should start working again.

This is based on the Soiling Solutions protocol, which I did with one of my children. His point is that the child may be unconsciously holding it in, and this is something that needs retraining.

Laxatives and fiber are helpful as well, but the main thing is to ensure that the colon is fully emptied daily.

Here's a kids' narrative book about it: http://www.narrativetherapylib......html
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amother
Firebrick


 

Post Wed, Dec 05 2018, 1:25 am
amother wrote:
Have you checked to ensure that the constipation was in fact eliminated? Because the process of healing encopresis often is 2 steps forward 1 step back.

If she is constipated, then the constant pressure of stool causes it to no longer be a signal to the brain that she needs to relieve herself. The leaking would be from stool making its way around the obstruction.

To heal long-standing constipation, you would need to use an enema to clean things out, and then ensure that she relieves herself fully daily (use a suppository or enema as necessary) to keep things from getting backed up again, until the colon has a chance to get back to its original size - I think that's about a month? At that point, the "full" signal should start working again.

This is based on the Soiling Solutions protocol, which I did with one of my children. His point is that the child may be unconsciously holding it in, and this is something that needs retraining.

Laxatives and fiber are helpful as well, but the main thing is to ensure that the colon is fully emptied daily.

Here's a kids' narrative book about it: http://www.narrativetherapylib......html


How old was your child when you did this system? Do you feel that soiling solution is the solution to encopresis?

Thanks!
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amother
Blush


 

Post Wed, Dec 05 2018, 3:32 am
My child was I think 8 or 9 when we did it, and I do think that it is the solution - it makes total sense objectively, and practically it seems to have worked. I don't think we were that strict after a few weeks, but after doing it consistently for that time B"H that child no longer has the issue. Now psyching myself up to do it with another kid... Sad

(You need to dedicate a block of time for it. Something like this: Best time is about 20 minutes after a meal, when the body often gets an urge to relieve itself. The protocol gives the child a specific amount of time of sitting on the toilet (don't remember offhand), and if not enough stool is produced, then you immediately give a suppository. If that is not successful, you give an enema. This way you guarantee a bowel movement every day and nothing can get backed up.)
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amother
Rose


 

Post Wed, Dec 05 2018, 4:08 am
It sounds like she’s just not wiping - at all
Did anyone ever complain to her about the smell? That might force her to do a good job
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amother
Seafoam


 

Post Wed, Dec 05 2018, 5:45 am
https://gb.toto.com/washlets/?lang=en
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