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What did your parents do RIGHT?
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Rappel









  


Post  Wed, Dec 05 2018, 12:04 pm
My mother taught me to love everything in the world.

My father taught me the importance of discipline and respect.
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HeartyAppetite









  


Post  Wed, Dec 05 2018, 12:23 pm
My parents always communicated with us how much they love us.

They would always compliment us for our strengths.

They always encouraged us to follow our dreams.... and gave us outlets for our talents.

They always let us know that they believe in us 100% and we could achieve anything we put our mind to.

No matter how busy my mother was, she always made time for me.... and she would always listen to me when I spoke to her.

Although I was the baby of the family my parents didn’t spoil me. They made sure I was very independent from a very young age....

They instilled great Emunah and bitochen in us from a very young age. They made us see the good in everything, and appreciate hashems world. My mother would point out as we were walking on the street how nice the trees were....how we should appreciate that we could see, use our hands...


Last edited by HeartyAppetite on Wed, Dec 05 2018, 12:28 pm; edited 2 times in total
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amother




Oak


Post  Wed, Dec 05 2018, 12:23 pm
A few posters including myself feel that because our parents didn’t do much raise and we pretty much raised ourselves, we turned into self sufficient, very independent adults. I also know so many people that were taken care of by their parents and are the same age as me and are still very dependent on their parents.

I don’t want to raise my kids the way I was raised. But I do want my kids to be independent as adults.
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thunderstorm









  


Post  Wed, Dec 05 2018, 12:32 pm
My parents didn't ace in the parenting department and I don't hold it against them, since they both struggled with various things and under those circumstances they did the best they could.

There are certain things though that I do admire my parents for and would love to emulate them in this way. These are just a few points and there is so much more they have taught me through their actions.

1. They both were huge machnes orchim, in marriage and even when they were divorced and single. We had all types and stripes at our table ALL the time.

2. They never looked at anyone as being "different", "weird " or "less then". They were friendly to EVERYONE.... non Jews, Jews, religious or not religious, it didn't matter.
My mother would stop and shmooz with people that would give most of us the creeps. She would patiently and joyously carry on conversations with these people. She never referred to any of these people as "crazy", "mentally ill", or "retarded". She referred to them as a "choleh nefesh", or "special".
3. My mother ran a massive clothing drive for over 20 years. Our house was always flying with garbage bags full of clothes. But she painstainkingly sorted, removed stains, mended and packed piles of clothing for families she knew personally . She clothed their families for over 20 years , even though we were poor ourselves .
4. My parents opened their house to people in need of help. These are a few I recall : A woman from around the corner showed up at our door Shabbos while we were in the middle of the Seuda. I saw her throw herself into my mothers arms and burst out crying. My mother took her to her bedroom and sat with her for hours while we carried on the Seuda as if nothing happened. I found out years later that the woman's husband had just hit and beat her.
A different time: A Jewish woman and her two kids were escapees from Iran and had just arrived to NY. My parents gave her our downstairs apartment free of rent until she found a permanent place to live. She joined us for meals and Shabbos even though they weren't religious. She didn't speak English. But my mother has a way of communicating with friendliness and gestures that the language barrier didn't matter.
Other times our basement was occupied by meshulachim from Israel who stayed months at a time without paying rent.
5. My parents are extremely honest and have passed down that to all of us. We are makpid on being honest in all parts of our lives.
6. My parents showed by example and stressed a lot the importance of making a Kiddush HaShem. From a young age we knew never to cut a line even though others did and it landed us all the way in the back because of everyone else cutting in. It was more important to make a Kiddush HaShem.
7. My parents divorced but NEVER spoke badly of each other to us kids. If anything my father always mentioned how special my mother was and that he hoped she would remarry soon.

These are just a few examples of who my parents are and what they represent. So we may have been neglected and they had a hard time expressing love to their children. But as people , they are people I would want to be like and I give them A LOT of credit.
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amother




Pewter


Post  Wed, Dec 05 2018, 12:51 pm
My mom raised us singlehandedly. She expected us to behave & do well in school & not act & be a nebech because of our situation. We had to use our heads & live up to our potential. Yet, we knew that her love for us has no bounds, she'd jump into fire for us, she called us her diamonds.

She instilled in us such emunah & bitochon.
Also, happiness, we developed such histapkes bmiut. We were truly happy with the little we had. Our happiness came from giving to others, as she did just that. House was always open to guests, who all loved my mom's warmth.

She encouraged shalom & achdus. Always bend over backwards for the sake of shalom & gave up alot of herself for shalom.

The simcha shel yomtov was palpable.
The mitzvas she needed to do that men do, was done with so much seriousness.
She cried by licht bentchen. By bedikas chometz she was so afraid if there was no crumb left. By Chanukah menorah we all sang together. She made sure my bros always had good male role figures. To have a man from family by shabbos seudas, learn with them, sing zemuros, listen to the dvar torahs. That person was also responsible for them in shul.

She was our rock. She was strong & we knew we can rely on her.
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tichellady









  


Post  Wed, Dec 05 2018, 1:00 pm
Great birthday parties
encouraged friendships and let me invite friends over often
rarely punished me
encouraged reading
taught me about looking forward to fun things
Let me experiment in the kitchen and choose ingredients when grocery shopping
Allowed occasional mental health days off from school
Never made me feel guilty about how much $ they spent to raise me
Sunday brunch
I never felt lacking anything that I needed
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cnc









  


Post  Wed, Dec 05 2018, 2:58 pm
thunderstorm wrote:
My parents didn't ace in the parenting department and I don't hold it against them, since they both struggled with various things and under those circumstances they did the best they could.

There are certain things though that I do admire my parents for and would love to emulate them in this way. These are just a few points and there is so much more they have taught me through their actions.

1. They both were huge machnes orchim, in marriage and even when they were divorced and single. We had all types and stripes at our table ALL the time.

2. They never looked at anyone as being "different", "weird " or "less then". They were friendly to EVERYONE.... non Jews, Jews, religious or not religious, it didn't matter.
My mother would stop and shmooz with people that would give most of us the creeps. She would patiently and joyously carry on conversations with these people. She never referred to any of these people as "crazy", "mentally ill", or "retarded". She referred to them as a "choleh nefesh", or "special".
3. My mother ran a massive clothing drive for over 20 years. Our house was always flying with garbage bags full of clothes. But she painstainkingly sorted, removed stains, mended and packed piles of clothing for families she knew personally . She clothed their families for over 20 years , even though we were poor ourselves .
4. My parents opened their house to people in need of help. These are a few I recall : A woman from around the corner showed up at our door Shabbos while we were in the middle of the Seuda. I saw her throw herself into my mothers arms and burst out crying. My mother took her to her bedroom and sat with her for hours while we carried on the Seuda as if nothing happened. I found out years later that the woman's husband had just hit and beat her.
A different time: A Jewish woman and her two kids were escapees from Iran and had just arrived to NY. My parents gave her our downstairs apartment free of rent until she found a permanent place to live. She joined us for meals and Shabbos even though they weren't religious. She didn't speak English. But my mother has a way of communicating with friendliness and gestures that the language barrier didn't matter.
Other times our basement was occupied by meshulachim from Israel who stayed months at a time without paying rent.
5. My parents are extremely honest and have passed down that to all of us. We are makpid on being honest in all parts of our lives.
6. My parents showed by example and stressed a lot the importance of making a Kiddush HaShem. From a young age we knew never to cut a line even though others did and it landed us all the way in the back because of everyone else cutting in. It was more important to make a Kiddush HaShem.
7. My parents divorced but NEVER spoke badly of each other to us kids. If anything my father always mentioned how special my mother was and that he hoped she would remarry soon.

These are just a few examples of who my parents are and what they represent. So we may have been neglected and they had a hard time expressing love to their children. But as people , they are people I would want to be like and I give them A LOT of credit.


Wow
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Teomima









  


Post  Wed, Dec 05 2018, 3:15 pm
The single very best thing my parents ever did was emphasize the importance of my siblings and I loving and caring for each other, always. My mom has always been a very practical woman and does not hesitate when it comes to talking about a time when she will be gone. But, as she points out, we will always have each other. And she's right.

My dh doesn't have the same closeness with his siblings and I find that so sad. I adore mine and love talking to them. We never bicker or argue, there's no pettiness, competition, distrust, etc. And it's this selfless, unconditional love and support, that I try to instill in my own children. They will have each other longer than they have me. I want them to always love, support, and help one another.
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amother




Rose


Post  Wed, Dec 05 2018, 3:46 pm
There were definitely issues at home but here are a few things that I respect and hope to implement as much as I can:
1) They always had an open home, having guests and keeping or doors open. I used to joke that I’d always come downstairs to find someone else sleeping on the couch!
2) My parents would advocate and fight for us kids when needed. My mother especially did not hesitate to call teachers or principals when there was a need (but don’t worry it was only when needed!).
3) My siblings and I were all raised to be nice to everyone. We are all very different in terms of personality, hashkafa, and lifestyle, but we can be counted on to help someone in need.
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carnation









  


Post  Wed, Dec 05 2018, 11:30 pm
My parents modeled exceptionally good middos, (without telling us or preaching to have good middos). Naturally all of us bH have wonderful middos.
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amother




Aqua


Post  Thu, Dec 06 2018, 12:14 am
Would never make us feel bad if we bought something wrong in the grocery as a policy
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Shoshana Rose









  


Post  Thu, Dec 06 2018, 1:35 am
my parents made us help with all household chores. Erev Shabbos and Y"t was enjoyable. we all had our jobs-rooms, toilets etc. to clean even windows inside and outside (luckily I'm mostly ok now without cleaning help because of that). Don't remember receiving any special outing or treat for that.
Pesach vacation, we usually did get a special lunch-treat, and then went right back to cleaning usually together with sibling working in the same area of the house. preparing food for the chag together as a team was a real enjoyment!!

Helping with younger siblings I basically didn't have being that I'm one of the youngest. But babysitting or just helping my older siblings was the norm (of course they usually gave me an ice cream, chocolate or so.
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amother




Chartreuse


Post  Thu, Dec 06 2018, 10:24 am
Our house was fun and happy and we enjoyed sitting around and schmoozing and laughing together for hours. Friday night meals went on for hours, as we sat telling stories and just laughing together.
I miss that so much and my siblings who still live near my parents eat shabbos meals together with them all the time and continue this.

When I came home, my mother would listen to me for a good half hour as I told her all about my day. I didn't think this was strange until a new friend came over and said she was shocked that my mother was interested in hearing about it and that I was interested in talking to her!
We still do this, even though I moved to Israel 15 years ago. I call her every day and we tell each other about our day.

Sons-in-law and daughters-in-law are treated just like siblings. There is no difference in my parents love for them and they feel fully comfortable moving into my parents after having a baby and for extended visits.
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ectomorph









  


Post  Thu, Dec 06 2018, 10:44 am
My parents let me try new things even if they were dangerous or unknown in the community. As long as they weren't against Torah or life threatening. I am very self confident as a result.
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nchr









  


Post  Thu, Dec 06 2018, 10:49 am
Being really calm, never raising their voices, respecting one another all the time, respecting other people, giving charity, etc.
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amother




Periwinkle


Post  Thu, Dec 06 2018, 2:48 pm
I feel like my parents made a lot of mistakes with me. I mean, A LOT. My childhood was a bit traumatic. But even so I can think of a few areas where they were exceptional:

1. The were great role models of what a marriage should look like. They treated each other with tremendous respect and appreciation.
2. They demonstrated the highest level of kibud av v'em. When my grandparents would visit it was like the king and queen were coming. And when they were old and sick they way my parents took care of them was remarkable.
3. Work ethic/ integrity in business. I worked for my father starting in my early teens and through my 20's. He was a hard worker. Everything he did was on the up and up. Nothing ever under the table. Always treated his employees like gold.
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Rachel Shira









  


Post  Thu, Dec 06 2018, 3:20 pm
amother wrote:
Our house was fun and happy and we enjoyed sitting around and schmoozing and laughing together for hours. Friday night meals went on for hours, as we sat telling stories and just laughing together.
I miss that so much and my siblings who still live near my parents eat shabbos meals together with them all the time and continue this.



This is really beautiful and something I didn’t grow up with (wanting to spend hours just hanging out with my family). I hope I can cultivate that as my own family grows.
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marina









  


Post  Thu, Dec 06 2018, 4:26 pm
great thread
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tweek









  


Post  Thu, Dec 06 2018, 5:55 pm
Bh I am blessed with great parents who mostly did things right! So I'm gonna try to point out things that are more specific to them than just providing love and security (which are of course most important).

They instilled in us a sense of purpose. They believed we could do great things and bh my siblings are all accomplished in different ways.

They taught us an appreciation for all members of klal yisroel. We regularly hosted guests at various stages of returning to Yiddishkeit and from different factions of klal yisroel. Besides for teaching us ahavas yisroel, this also made for colorful, entertaining shabbos seudahs!

At the same time they taught us to value and appreciate a chassidish lifestyle, but to recognize the needs of our personal shoresh neshama.

They taught us great balance financially. Though they were always tight, my parents were generous without spoiling us. We had what we needed, including treats and things that were important to us socially.

My mother taught us how to get along with all different types of people. Any time anyone hears that I am her daughter, it is automatically followed by "oh I love your mother!".

My father instilled in us a high value of morals. He did this by personal example and also by speaking to us about various important topics while we were growing up.

There bh much more, but this is what's coming to me now.
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amother




Maroon


Post  Thu, Dec 06 2018, 6:26 pm
I've been avoiding this thread because my parents caused/cause me tremendous pain and I sort of hate them right now.

But I'll say this: my parents passed on to me the ability to transcend myself when the world is falling apart.
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