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PMS: How much do you let DD get away with?

 
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amother




Brown


Post  Wed, Dec 05 2018, 8:24 am
My 18 yr old DD becomes a raving lunatic when she PMS's and she uses it as an excuse (IMO) to act however she wants and blame it on her period.
I understand cramps and mood swings, but I feel she's taking it out of proportion.
She's always somewhat of a drama queen.

She drives her parents and siblings crazy and expects everyone to give her free reign to act however she wants.
Shouldn't she be able to regulate her emotions at this age?

She doesn't even complain about pain - I don't think that is the issue.
I think she just uses it as an excuse not to be responsible for her actions -- screaming at everyone, making a huge deal about every little thing, acting like a sourpuss on family outings, etc.

I don't see my friends' daughters acting like this and I know my mother never tolerated this from me at that age.

I know what normal teenage girl behavior looks like and I can write off her drama queen behavior all month long as "this is her personality" but how far should it go?
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amother




Honeydew


Post  Wed, Dec 05 2018, 8:37 am
yep, I can relate to this...and I'm all trying to be understanding and patient, because y'know, she's a teenager, and then it's like. 'Wait, WHAT did you just say to me???!!!" Surprised
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amother




Brown


Post  Wed, Dec 05 2018, 8:42 am
amother wrote:
yep, I can relate to this...and I'm all trying to be understanding and patient, because y'know, she's a teenager, and then it's like. 'Wait, WHAT did you just say to me???!!!" Surprised

Thanks! I need reassurance that my DD isn't the only one.
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Iymnok









  


Post  Wed, Dec 05 2018, 10:29 am
Can you talk to her at a different time of the month to come to an agreement on what’s acceptable and not?
Maybe she could hide in her room, even bring her dinner.
Does it last more than one day?
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amother




Brown


Post  Wed, Dec 05 2018, 11:02 am
Iymnok wrote:
Can you talk to her at a different time of the month to come to an agreement on what’s acceptable and not?
Maybe she could hide in her room, even bring her dinner.
Does it last more than one day?

That's a good idea. She already hides out in her room a lot, in general.
It lasts a few days. That's why I think she's milking it to just get away with the behavior. It starts as pre-menstrual, then she complains all the days she's bleeding as well.
and then she tells us and her siblings - "Don't you know why I'm in this mood?"
I just feel like she's post-HS already, she needs to be acting like an adult. I'm not saying that I never had PMS, but I didn't advertise it to everyone around me every month. It's like she has to make it known to the whole house. And she wants everyone to let her get away with behavior that we don't really condone.
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amother




Tan


Post  Wed, Dec 05 2018, 11:07 am
I don't know your daughter, but I do remember my mother discussing this with me as a teen- "You know that your behavior will affect your husband and kids, iy"H, this is the time to start working on getting a handle on your emotions/behavior at this time of the month".

As a teen, it was eye-opening, and helped me shift my attitude.
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amother




Chartreuse


Post  Wed, Dec 05 2018, 11:14 am
amother wrote:
My 18 yr old DD becomes a raving lunatic when she PMS's and she uses it as an excuse (IMO) to act however she wants and blame it on her period.
I understand cramps and mood swings, but I feel she's taking it out of proportion.
She's always somewhat of a drama queen.

She drives her parents and siblings crazy and expects everyone to give her free reign to act however she wants.
Shouldn't she be able to regulate her emotions at this age?

She doesn't even complain about pain - I don't think that is the issue.
I think she just uses it as an excuse not to be responsible for her actions -- screaming at everyone, making a huge deal about every little thing, acting like a sourpuss on family outings, etc.

I don't see my friends' daughters acting like this and I know my mother never tolerated this from me at that age.

I know what normal teenage girl behavior looks like and I can write off her drama queen behavior all month long as "this is her personality" but how far should it go?


When she has a job as an adult will it be acceptable for her to behave like this once a month?

Obviously not. You will do her a disservice if you let her get away with it now.

Give her sympathy, give her hugs, give her chocolate coins but don’t give her free reign to act like a jerk.
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amother




Brown


Post  Wed, Dec 05 2018, 11:21 am
amother wrote:
I don't know your daughter, but I do remember my mother discussing this with me as a teen- "You know that your behavior will affect your husband and kids, iy"H, this is the time to start working on getting a handle on your emotions/behavior at this time of the month".

As a teen, it was eye-opening, and helped me shift my attitude.


That's great. In general, we are trying to get her to act more adult-like. She's having a bit of a hard time with it, so I am taking it slow.
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amother




Cerise


Post  Wed, Dec 05 2018, 11:34 am
I would really consider having her discuss this with a doctor and like others above, life as an adult won’t excuse her for hormones. My sister in law told me this when I was around her age and I still hear it in my head once in while.

In my case, I found out I have PCOS and it made my mood swings that much more severe (the only symptom, I had regular periods etc).
The diagnosis didn’t change much, the doc said I can try birth control but I didn’t like being on it (it did help somewhat but had other effects)

Ultimately what helped was taking responsibility- I would maybe consider her going to therapy? Like ask her if she would want to find a way to love herself and build herself up to the adult she wants to be...
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amother




Lawngreen


Post  Wed, Dec 05 2018, 12:58 pm
I think a dbt class could really help her. It's a class, so more social than therapy, and she will learn tools to help her manage her moods, as well mindfulness to help her accept her emotions without acting them out. I am also very hormonally volatile and become a witch during pregnancy, but this time around I have the skills and I am a very different wife and mother.
If she is open to the idea, I.e. please don't discuss it during her pms, there are also vitamins that help, especially b6 in high doses taken the week before the period.
Good luck, and again, please don't discuss it during her moods, that will be counterproductive! Just calmly set limits -- I can't listen when you talk like that, etc.
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FranticFrummie









  


Post  Wed, Dec 05 2018, 1:32 pm
amother wrote:
I think a dbt class could really help her. It's a class, so more social than therapy, and she will learn tools to help her manage her moods, as well mindfulness to help her accept her emotions without acting them out. I am also very hormonally volatile and become a witch during pregnancy, but this time around I have the skills and I am a very different wife and mother.
If she is open to the idea, I.e. please don't discuss it during her pms, there are also vitamins that help, especially b6 in high doses taken the week before the period.
Good luck, and again, please don't discuss it during her moods, that will be counterproductive! Just calmly set limits -- I can't listen when you talk like that, etc.


THIS, THIS, THIS!

I'm working on getting DD signed up for DBT soon. She has PCOS, and is showing signs of Borderline Personality Disorder. Whether she gets a diagnosis/label or not, she seriously needs to take responsibility for her behaviors, and right now DBT looks like the best way to do that.
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singleagain









  


Post  Wed, Dec 05 2018, 2:04 pm
I would also have it checked out to make sure it's not PMDD .... But consider, it could also just be really really bad PMS... Everyone deals with it differently... Don't totally discount the pain/ mood swings unless you have exhausted all medical options.
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