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Let's Write the Next Great Frum Novel
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watergirl









  


Post  Wed, Dec 05 2018, 12:17 pm
Challenge issued: To use all of these terms in a new frum novel:

watergirl wrote:
Lol! I've always said that frum novels are like a bingo game (or to make it more fun, a drinking game). You get a chip for each time someone:

- "pats her sheitel" or checks it in the mirror. Often, the word "sheitel" is the only Jewish thing about these novels (other than the characters names).

- Cries into her trusted, tear soaked tehillim that has been her beloved companion.

- Narrows her eyes at someone. I dont get this one. I read a LOT, all the time. I am a bibliophile. This is a phrase that only appears in frum novels. Its bizarre.

- Says things like "Why oh why" and other such phrases that are cringe worthy to read. Who says that in real life?

- She "pushed food around her plate" at some kind of fancy restaurant, typically while avoiding someone, often that someone is her husband but can also be any other random person who is also there.

- Has a dilemma that could have been solved within 3 pages if they would only TELL THE PERSON what the issue is. No one is ever honest in these stories.

- Introduces a character with a ton of back story and carries them through 3 chapters, only to disappear and have no consequence in the story at all. These sub plots add chapters, sure. But do nothing other than make the story needlessly confusing.


And chose from the menu below for your plot and characters:

mandr wrote:
It's really like a build your own recipe for Jewish books:

Choose a character/characters:
1) single girl in shidduchim
2) couple in marital distress
3) someone who is OTD
4) baal/baalas teshuva

Choose a setting:
1) Tristate area
2) Israel

Choose a main crisis:
1) shidduch crisis
2) OTD crisis
3) shalom bayis problems
4) social issues
5) someone suffers from a bad disease

Choose a resolution:
1) character finds a shidduch and gets married
2) couple gets therapy
3) OTD person gets back on track
4) baal/baalas teshuva learns to integrate
5) treatment works

End result: Happily ever after!!!


The cover will have either:

1) A diamond ring
2) A far off castle
3) A piece of paper from a teen's notbook
4) A chess piece

Winner wins.... not sure yet. Each person can add a few paragraphs. READY? GO!
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CatLady









  


Post  Wed, Dec 05 2018, 12:36 pm
I'll play. Can you spot the 4 prompts?

As she checked her sheitel in the mirror, Rivka's eyes narrowed. She looked nothing like her former secular self, the girl who'd boogied in the front row at Bon Jovi and Bruce Springsteen concerts.
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1ofbillions









  


Post  Wed, Dec 05 2018, 12:40 pm
CatLady wrote:
I'll play. Can you spot the 4 tropes?

As she checked her sheitel in the mirror, Rivka's eyes narrowed. She looked nothing like her former secular self, the girl who'd boogied in the front row at Bon Jovi and Bruce Springsteen concerts.


No frum book would include the bold part.
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CatLady









  


Post  Wed, Dec 05 2018, 12:42 pm
Quote:
No frum book would include the bold part.


Disclaimer: I've never read a frum novel. Thanks for the edit! :-)
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mommy2379









  


Post  Wed, Dec 05 2018, 12:46 pm
CatLady wrote:
I'll play. Can you spot the 4 prompts?

As she checked her sheitel in the mirror, Rivka's eyes narrowed. She looked nothing like her former secular self, the girl who'd boogied in the front row at Bon Jovi and Bruce Springsteen concerts.


"Why oh why oh why oh why are my eyes so narrow? Is this a normal part of the aging process or does this have something to do with becoming frum? My eyes were NEVER this narrow before." She wondered aloud, not realizing her husband was creepily standing behind her, watching her every move through the mirror.
She let out a gasp.
"Rivka." He said solemnly. "I wanted to know if you'd like to go out to dinner tonight. For your birthday."
Dinner. Ugh. "You know I'm watching my weight Yaakov Yosef Baruch. I'm just going to end up pushing the food around my plate while you gorge on a steak."
YYB let out a long exaggerated sigh. "Ok so no dinner. But we do need to talk."
No dinner? YYB never gave in that quickly. Something is wrong, thought Rivka. Seriously wrong. So wrong. Terribly wrong. Awfully Wro-
" I have something important to tell you Rivka." YYB said slowly. "And its not pleasant."
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InnerMe









  


Post  Wed, Dec 05 2018, 1:29 pm
mommy2379 wrote:
"Why oh why oh why oh why are my eyes so narrow? Is this a normal part of the aging process or does this have something to do with becoming frum? My eyes were NEVER this narrow before." She wondered aloud, not realizing her husband was creepily standing behind her, watching her every move through the mirror.
She let out a gasp.
"Rivka." He said solemnly. "I wanted to know if you'd like to go out to dinner tonight. For your birthday."
Dinner. Ugh. "You know I'm watching my weight Yaakov Yosef Baruch. I'm just going to end up pushing the food around my plate while you gorge on a steak."
YYB let out a long exaggerated sigh. "Ok so no dinner. But we do need to talk."
No dinner? YYB never gave in that quickly. Something is wrong, thought Rivka. Seriously wrong. So wrong. Terribly wrong. Awfully Wro-
" I have something important to tell you Rivka." YYB said slowly. "And its not pleasant."
LOL
Omg, I love this!

Rivka narrows her eyes at YYB.

"Please don't tell me it's the D word. Please. I'll go out to dinner with you. I'll even watch you gorge on a steak while I push food around my plate."

"Rivka. It doesn't matter anymore the dinner. It's a whole lot of other things."

Rivka felt her body starting to shake. She thought she's having a seizure. What? What could it be? Why was she always made to feel like the Worst Wife Ever??

She decided that this is it. She won't tolerate this anymore. And she knew just what the magic sauce would be.
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fsr









  


Post  Wed, Dec 05 2018, 1:31 pm
The cover:

Picture resized
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watergirl









  


Post  Wed, Dec 05 2018, 1:37 pm
fsr wrote:
The cover:

Picture resized

This is insanely perfect!!!
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watergirl









  


Post  Wed, Dec 05 2018, 1:41 pm
InnerMe wrote:
LOL
Omg, I love this!

Rivka narrows her eyes at YYB.

"Please don't tell me it's the D word. Please. I'll go out to dinner with you. I'll even watch you gorge on a steak while I push food around my plate."

"Rivka. It doesn't matter anymore the dinner. It's a whole lot of other things."

Rivka felt her body starting to shake. She thought she's having a seizure. What? What could it be? Why was she always made to feel like the Worst Wife Ever??

She decided that this is it. She won't tolerate this anymore. And she knew just what the magic sauce would be.

Rivka thought back to what brought her to this place, to this moment. This is not how she had envisioned her life back at her Camp Ramah days. Back then it was so easy, so simple. Then, it was just "us" and "them". But it all changed when she met Rebbitzen Wineglass. The Rebbitzen with the kind, aged eyes that had seen too much and forgotten little. That fatefull day that changed the course of her life.
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daagahminayin









  


Post  Wed, Dec 05 2018, 1:59 pm
InnerMe wrote:
LOL
Omg, I love this!

Rivka narrows her eyes at YYB.

"Please don't tell me it's the D word. Please. I'll go out to dinner with you. I'll even watch you gorge on a steak while I push food around my plate."

"Rivka. It doesn't matter anymore the dinner. It's a whole lot of other things."

Rivka felt her body starting to shake. She thought she's having a seizure. What? What could it be? Why was she always made to feel like the Worst Wife Ever??

She decided that this is it. She won't tolerate this anymore. And she knew just what the magic sauce would be.


“Ok,” she said, breathing slowly, trying to remain calm. “Let’s talk. I’ll make the coffee.”

“Great. I’ll be downstairs in five. I just have to er... take care of something.”

“You missed minyan again? But I set you three reminders on your phone!” Rivka momentarily forgot her panic about the upcoming Talk and engaged in some gnawing frustration at her husband’s messy davening schedule. It was the easier emotion of the two.

“Could you just not do this, for once!” snapped Yehoshua Yitzele Baruch, and stormed out of the bedroom, grabbing his tallis and teffin bag from door hook on his way out. Zman tefillah was long gone. He’d be lucky if he made chatzos.

Rivka trembled, and made her way down the dark wood spiral staircase of their comfortable mansion, into the kitchen.

In a daze, she loaded the coffee machine with YYB’s favorite, holding back tears as she did so, wondering where their relationship was going.

Just then she heard the cell phone on the table ringing. It wasn’t hers, it was her husband’s. Glancing at the screen she let out a gasp of dread as she saw the name of the caller...
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InnerMe









  


Post  Wed, Dec 05 2018, 2:10 pm
watergirl wrote:
Rivka thought back to what brought her to this place, to this moment. This is not how she had envisioned her life back at her Camp Ramah days. Back then it was so easy, so simple. Then, it was just "us" and "them". But it all changed when she met Rebbitzen Wineglass. The Rebbitzen with the kind, aged eyes that had seen too much and forgotten little. That fatefull day that changed the course of her life.


Flashback to 1985, Camp Ramah

"Ramah! Ramah! Ramah!" our camp cheered.

The leagues against camps was the highlight of any Camp Ramah girl.

It was there, standing on a shaky bench yelling my kishkes out when I felt a tug on my skirt. It was the Rebbetzin of our camp. She motioned me to step down and go to the side with her.

"Rivka, I am singling you out specifically because you are a very spiritual girl and I know you'll take it the right way."

A pause for meaning.

"It is not refined for a girl to yell so loud. I know everyone is doing it, but it's not an excuse. A fine girl like you, a bas melech, a daughter of the king should be watching the volume of her voice. I know it's no easy, Rivka, but I am confident that you can be strong and not give in to the peer pressure."

Suddenly my whole life swam before my eyes. The epiphany was so great. THIS was the life I wanted to live. I just knew it so strongly inside my heart that there was nothing that could convince me otherwise..
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Iymnok









  


Post  Wed, Dec 05 2018, 2:14 pm
(Camp Ramah is a co-Ed conservative Camp. There was, and is, no Rebbetzin and she certainly did not care about refinement.)
Carry on...
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InnerMe









  


Post  Wed, Dec 05 2018, 2:17 pm
daagahminayin wrote:
“Ok,” she said, breathing slowly, trying to remain calm. “Let’s talk. I’ll make the coffee.”

“Great. I’ll be downstairs in five. I just have to er... take care of something.”

“You missed minyan again? But I set you three reminders on your phone!” Rivka momentarily forgot her panic about the upcoming Talk and engaged in some gnawing frustration at her husband’s messy davening schedule. It was the easier emotion of the two.

“Could you just not do this, for once!” snapped Yehoshua Yitzele Baruch, and stormed out of the bedroom, grabbing his tallis and teffin bag from door hook on his way out. Zman tefillah was long gone. He’d be lucky if he made chatzos.

Rivka trembled, and made her way down the dark wood spiral staircase of their comfortable mansion, into the kitchen.

In a daze, she loaded the coffee machine with YYB’s favorite, holding back tears as she did so, wondering where their relationship was going.

Just then she heard the cell phone on the table ringing. It wasn’t hers, it was her husband’s. Glancing at the screen she let out a gasp of dread as she saw the name of the caller...


This is amazing!!! I'm sorry but I'm gonna go for my third helping..

What?
Whom?
Where?
When?
How?
Why?

A million questions rose up inside her. How can it be?? Didn't she tell him? Had he not known??

As if her life could get any worse now, the phone one again rang with that same number.

She stood in the same spot rooted to the ground. It was as if something greater then herself was pinning her in place, not allowing her to move a muscle. She didn't know what to think anymore.

Hah! And to think several moments ago she thought she had the magic sauce! Who was she fooling?! She was poor old Rivka with a miserable life and at that moment it seemed that she would stay in the spot forever until her death...until someone would come and load her into a wooden box and take her to her grave.
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mommy2379









  


Post  Wed, Dec 05 2018, 2:18 pm
Flashback to the Jewish Portugal 1430. Rivka's great great great great grandmother's sister's husbands maid is walking quickly through the street...a secret buried deep inside the innocent looking bundle she clutches to her chest.

Last edited by mommy2379 on Wed, Dec 05 2018, 2:45 pm; edited 1 time in total
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InnerMe









  


Post  Wed, Dec 05 2018, 2:19 pm
Iymnok wrote:
(Camp Ramah is a co-Ed conservative Camp. There was, and is, no Rebbetzin and she certainly did not care about refinement.)
Carry on...


Rebbetzin Wineglass (amI getting it right?) was there to do undercover kiruv... and she would do her insidious work by striking up with girls like Rivka..
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InnerMe









  


Post  Wed, Dec 05 2018, 2:20 pm
mommy2379 wrote:
Flashback to the Jewish Portugal 1430. Rivka's great great great great grandmother's sister's husbands maid is walking quickly through the street...a secret buried deep inside her the innocent looking bundle she clutches to her chest.


You just made me laugh so hard!!!!!! Watergirl what a great thread idea!!
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enjoying kids









  


Post  Wed, Dec 05 2018, 2:25 pm
Wait we need subplots! Too long with the same point of view
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watergirl









  


Post  Wed, Dec 05 2018, 2:37 pm
enjoying kids wrote:
Wait we need subplots! Too long with the same point of view


The subplot is the flashback to Portugal I think. Great addition!
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mandr









  


Post  Wed, Dec 05 2018, 2:44 pm
This is insanely funny! I would add to this but I don't know how to write fiction Sad

I forgot to add "sagely Rav and Rebbetzin" to the list of approved characters.
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glamourmom









  


Post  Wed, Dec 05 2018, 2:45 pm
I'm at the edge of my seat. don't stop, please. LOL LOL
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