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Would you consider having a baby at 47?
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amother




Tan


Post  Wed, Dec 05 2018, 3:11 pm
I'd love to hear your responses or experiences please.

I am divorced with a bunch of kids & dating someone who's never had any and has been told by his Rav that he can't marry anyone who can't have children.
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amother




Bronze


Post  Wed, Dec 05 2018, 3:20 pm
How old is he?
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karat









  


Post  Wed, Dec 05 2018, 3:22 pm
What about you? Do you want to have more kids?
How can you give him a guarantee you’ll be able to conceive? Will you be willing to undergo treatment if necessary?
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watergirl









  


Post  Wed, Dec 05 2018, 3:25 pm
amother wrote:
I'd love to hear your responses or experiences please.

I am divorced with a bunch of kids & dating someone who's never had any and has been told by his Rav that he can't marry anyone who can't have children.

Thats up to HKBH and I would worry about dating a man who would listen to this (eitza? Psak?) from his Rav. This rav has not only unrealistic expectations but lacks an understanding of basic biology and this guy you’re dating is going along with it. Even if he were to marry a 19-year-old girl, they would be no guarantee that she could have children.
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amother




Cyan


Post  Wed, Dec 05 2018, 3:30 pm
If you are generally healthy and feel you can handle it, why not.
More and more women undergo fertility treatments at that age and still have children.

However, almost all of them use egg donations, which for Jews brings a load of halachic questions. The child in that case is also genetically not related to the mother.

Getting pregnant naturally beyond the age of 45 is very uncommon. There are people for whom it worked, but not very many. The reason is that egg quality declines steeply in the fourties, even if you still have regular periods. At age 47, there is also a rather high risk for chromosomal aberrations like Down Syndrome.

In short, it's not certain you'll succeed naturally, it has risks of malformations if you do and the alternative is an egg donation which is halachically difficult. But if you are really really determined, it probably could be done one way or another.

On a personal note, I'm in the first half of the fourties and about to try for another baby.
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Sebastian









  


Post  Wed, Dec 05 2018, 3:32 pm
no way! You are unlikely to get pregnant with your own eggs at the age, regardless.
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thunderstorm









  


Post  Wed, Dec 05 2018, 3:33 pm
amother wrote:
If you are generally healthy and feel you can handle it, why not.
More and more women undergo fertility treatments at that age and still have children.

However, almost all of them use egg donations, which for Jews brings a load of halachic questions. The child in that case is also genetically not related to the mother.

Getting pregnant naturally beyond the age of 45 is very uncommon. There are people for whom it worked, but not very many. The reason is that egg quality declines steeply in the fourties, even if you still have regular periods. At age 47, there is also a rather high risk for chromosomal aberrations like Down Syndrome.

In short, it's not certain you'll succeed naturally, it has risks of malformations if you do and the alternative is an egg donation which is halachically difficult. But if you are really really determined, it probably could be done one way or another.

On a personal note, I'm in the first half of the fourties and about to try for another baby.

I think the question is more whether the OP will have the kochos to raise a young child at that age. She will be around 70 when marrying off that child. I can't imagine that being physically easy to do.


Last edited by thunderstorm on Wed, Dec 05 2018, 3:34 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Sebastian









  


Post  Wed, Dec 05 2018, 3:33 pm
watergirl wrote:
Thats up to HKBH and I would worry about dating a man who would listen to this (eitza? Psak?) from his Rav. This rav has not only unrealistic expectations but lacks an understanding of basic biology and this guy you’re dating is going along with it. Even if he were to marry a 19-year-old girl, they would be no guarantee that she could have children.


halachically he is chayav in peru urevu and needs to (try?) to marry someone who is able to have children. If they can't, then they tried and G-d didn't give.
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amother




Linen


Post  Wed, Dec 05 2018, 3:36 pm
I heard the other day that at the age of 47, there is a 65 percent chance of the baby having down syndrome. Not sure if it's true though.
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amother




Amethyst


Post  Wed, Dec 05 2018, 3:46 pm
If you do conceive, the miscarriage rate is very high
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amother




Lilac


Post  Wed, Dec 05 2018, 4:01 pm
Sebastian wrote:
halachically he is chayav in peru urevu and needs to (try?) to marry someone who is able to have children. If they ca5n't, then they tried and G-d didn't give.


Realistically, telling a 50 or 60 yr old man that he needs to marry someone who is able to have children, means that he could wait a very long time, or make other very serious compromises (a 35 yr old willing to marry a 55 yr old usually has her own baggage, unless they just happen to meet and fall in love, which doesn't happen in shidduch dating).
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amother




Tan


Post  Wed, Dec 05 2018, 4:24 pm
Hi everyone, it's OP here. Thanks for all the replies.

The guy is 55 & told me that this is what his Rav told him "for now". The answer "might change" in about another 5 years.

Also yeah, what Sebastian said about "Peru Urevu". He's not even sure he wants kids, but he feels al pi Torah he must and he would like if he could.

In terms of my koach, I know my kids would help a lot. It would be fun for them to have a baby again. My youngest is 10.

The down syndrome fear I guess is real. But then again, they are very precious neshomas & if ch"v that was the case, I think I would feel privileged to raise that child.

On the other hand, how safe would it be for me to carry a pregnancy?
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amother




Cerulean


Post  Wed, Dec 05 2018, 4:41 pm
I think that would be hard on the kid...
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tf









  


Post  Wed, Dec 05 2018, 4:43 pm
Sebastian wrote:
no way! You are unlikely to get pregnant with your own eggs at the age, regardless.

Based on what?
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amother




Cyan


Post  Wed, Dec 05 2018, 4:45 pm
Regarding your question how safe it would be for you - as I wrote above, especially in the non-Jewish world, more and more women undergo fertility treatments with egg donations at higher ages. If a woman is otherwise healthy, it's often no problem.

Bu you ought to discuss this with a doctor who knows your complete medical background, including all previous pregnancies and births and any health issues you might have.
It is impossible to get a precise answer about your individual risk profile on the internet from random imamothers.
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tf









  


Post  Wed, Dec 05 2018, 4:45 pm
Sebastian wrote:
halachically he is chayav in peru urevu and needs to (try?) to marry someone who is able to have children. If they can't, then they tried and G-d didn't give.

👍👍👍
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amother




Yellow


Post  Wed, Dec 05 2018, 4:48 pm
The chance of a women at 47 conceiving is about 1% and even if she does, there is an 80% miscarriage rate in first trimester
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amother




Seagreen


Post  Wed, Dec 05 2018, 4:49 pm
tf wrote:
Based on what?


biology.
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tf









  


Post  Wed, Dec 05 2018, 4:53 pm
amother wrote:
The chance of a women at 47 conceiving is about 1% and even if she does, there is an 80% miscarriage rate in first trimester

It doesn't matter whether or not OP actually gets pregnant. What matters is whether or not she can still conceive. We must do hishtadlus. We cannot be in control of outcome
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amother




Maroon


Post  Wed, Dec 05 2018, 4:55 pm
amother wrote:
I'd love to hear your responses or experiences please.

I am divorced with a bunch of kids & dating someone who's never had any and has been told by his Rav that he can't marry anyone who can't have children.


There is no guarantee that any of us can have children. As someone said, a 19-year old isn’t necessarily fertile. You have had kids and it sounds like you are not yet at menopause with a good support system so I say go for it. His Rav can’t say for certain that you are in the category of unable to have children.

I had a child at 45 and know of someone who had twins at 50. Please don’t listen to naysayers here. If you want to marry this guy and feel emotionally and physically equipped to have another child then there is no reason you shouldn’t. If you don’t want another child then sadly I think this Shidduch won’t work if he listens to his Rav.

Hatzlacha.
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