Dad teaches his daughter not to be a bully.

amother

Lawngreen

Thu, Dec 06 2018, 3:58 pm

www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-46471438

Disclaimer: I'm not talking if this should be on social media or not. My point is about the punishment
What do you think.
As someone who was severely bullied and I still carry the scars I'm torn
On one side I'm happy for her victims on the other it's a bit cruel.
What are your thoughts?
I'm sorry but I'm going anonymous for it as my family members on here don't know what hell I experienced.

amother

Red

Thu, Dec 06 2018, 4:19 pm

I don't think you can separate it from the fact that he shared it online. The actual punishment is perfectly fair, in my opinion. Her behavior caused her to lose bus privileges, and since her parents agree that her behavior is unacceptable, they're not letting her take the easy way out by giving her rides. Seems fair and reasonable to me. Unfortunately, I think the benefit of the consequence is more than wiped out once dad had to go and share it with the world. I can't really think of any reason a child's worst mistakes should be publicized and immortalized like that. It shows the father to be either really arrogant or really insecure, which are, incidentally, the exact traits that tend to lead someone down the path of bullying. So now what has the kid learned?

amother

Lawngreen

Thu, Dec 06 2018, 4:28 pm

Totally agree with you on the social media. But I'm hesitating because he made her walk 5(!!) Miles that's a long way!
I'm always thinking how if ch"v my kids would become a bully how I would handle it...

amother

Red

Thu, Dec 06 2018, 4:36 pm

From what I understand, it wasn't five miles at once. It was a total of five miles for the duration of the time she was suspended from the bus. So it was a little over a mile each day, and added up to five miles over the course of a few days.

nchr

Thu, Dec 06 2018, 4:58 pm

The punishment is reasonable. She was banned from the bus and 5 miles is not too far. It may just be a little bit too much to have publicized it on social media.

PinkFridge

Thu, Dec 06 2018, 10:28 pm

It is totally inappropriate to share it.
When Hashem punishes us, we get no more than we deserve. (Think of Yosef and the pleasant smelling caravan.)
I'm not opening the link now but from what I gather, walking is reasonable. Public shaming is just awful. I can only hope there is more to the story than what I'm gleaning from this thread, without opening the link.

1ofbillions

Fri, Dec 07 2018, 2:59 am

Children tend to bully from a place of pain. Often, they learn how to bully from watching their parent/s in action.

From watching the video, it’s quite obvious who the bully in the family is. My heart goes out to the poor girl.

Aylat

Fri, Dec 07 2018, 6:32 am

Punishment fits the crime but why didn't he walk with her instead of following in his car?

Posting about it online was totally unacceptable and wrong.

yo'ma

Fri, Dec 07 2018, 6:37 am

In March a father did the same to his son. That's probably where this father got the idea from. The son said he did learn his lesson and respects his father for not letting him gettting away with it. I found a few articles about, but not nearly as many as this one.

nchr

Fri, Dec 07 2018, 11:14 am

Aylat wrote:

Punishment fits the crime but why didn't he walk with her instead of following in his car?

Posting about it online was totally unacceptable and wrong.

Why would the father have to walk? He's not being punished. Following her with a car is responsible. In addition, according to one report, he broke up the walk with stops (I guess if she got cold?)

PinkFridge

Fri, Dec 07 2018, 11:34 am

OP, I'm sorry I'm having trouble divorcing this from the social media part. I just heard part of an interview with the father on Mike Gallagher and he's asking if the father did the right thing.
Making her walk - and if it's five miles, I say for half of it, let him pick her up - sounds reasonable.

But it simply must be said: the fact that the whole world knows it is awful. The father, if he put it up on social media, is culpable. News outlets that picked it up are culpable. There are myriad halachos of shmiras halashon and ona'a that have been violated and I feel that any discussion of this needs to have this point as a banner line somewhere on the page for discussion.

I won't bring it up again, because b"H for us it's a given. But I would find it heartening if someone would write an op-ed: "Anyone who asks if the father gave the right consequence is missing the greater point."

PinkFridge

Fri, Dec 07 2018, 11:36 am

Not to mention that this isn't the way to heal a bully. Bullies have to see treating others with dignity modeled, and between the father's social media and the approach of the world...not helpful.

pushingforward

Fri, Dec 07 2018, 11:46 am

Sharing it on internet,( or in any way with the public) is unfair. Seems to me her father might be the reason she's a bully in first place. Would you ever appreciate seeing a video of yourself, being punished as a child with millions of views? No matter the reason

InnerMe

Fri, Dec 07 2018, 11:49 am

I was cringing as I was reading it. Poor kid. Dad may have been well intentioned but boy is it wrong to post it for the world too see. Ugh.

ectomorph

Fri, Dec 07 2018, 12:38 pm

As Matt Walsh wrote, in his article for the daily wire

the father is just as much of a bully

and he's the one who taught his daughter to bully

crust

Fri, Dec 07 2018, 1:13 pm

This is abuse on steroids.

It seems like in 2028, instead of healing physical trauma, our therapists will be dealing with children that were cyber-bullied. By their parents no less.

How sad. Unforgivable.

OP to answer your question- the simple answer is no. This child will not stop bullying. I can guarantee you that whatever caused her to bully will manifest itself in other ways untill the underlying issue will be tackled.

Aylat

Sat, Dec 08 2018, 3:32 pm

nchr wrote:

Why would the father have to walk? He's not being punished. Following her with a car is responsible. In addition, according to one report, he broke up the walk with stops (I guess if she got cold?)

He makes her walk: consequence of what she did and getting suspended from the school bus. Tough love. Great.
He walks with her: underlying message that he is with her and supporting her. Unconditional love. Bonus if they bond on the long walk - chat, enjoy the route together, play silly word games. Double bonus if he gets her to talk about the bullying situation and school in general, if he listens to her and she feels understood, if they can discuss or role play better ways to deal with social situations in future.

amother

Lawngreen

Sat, Dec 08 2018, 4:31 pm

Op here. Thanks everyone. I guess my inner child in me yearned that my bully's parents would have been so in touch with their child to see what damage she did. I guess it's time to let it go...

PinkFridge

Sat, Dec 08 2018, 9:46 pm

Aylat wrote:

Great.
Though I think if it was really five miles, picking her up midway is a nice touch.

And OP, please forgive me, one other thing: Won't this haunt her? So many stories about people job hunting and then the would be employer googles, FBs, etc.