I think my cleaning lady stole my $2000 earrings

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DF79

Thu, Dec 06 2018, 4:53 pm

She's been with me for over 10 years. I'm aware that she takes things, a roll of toilet paper, cups...

I missing them for a long time, I keep hoping it will show up but I haven't found it. She once brought a friend to my house without asking (she comes and takes my kids off the bus and I get home after). I looked for the earrings right away and they were there. I haven't seen them since.

I want to talk to her about it , even though its very likely that she took them. What would you do?

Last edited by DF79 on Thu, Dec 06 2018, 7:27 pm; edited 2 times in total

nchr

Thu, Dec 06 2018, 4:56 pm

Ask her if she's seen them. If she took them, she may bring them back. Anyways, your post says you looked for the earrings and they were there - do you mean not there? My friend's cleaning lady legitimately switched her dux mattress one day while she was at work (neighbor saw), but she friend her because the kids loved her. Maybe put up fake cameras? Also, put some money in the pushka and look for them again, it would terrible if she really took them.

DF79

Thu, Dec 06 2018, 5:05 pm

They were there when I came home. I hid them (went a few weeks later to get them and they weren’t there)

nchr

Thu, Dec 06 2018, 5:07 pm

Maybe you hid them in an odd location and don't remember where? I often hide things in unusual places, which is why I write down where I've placed hidden items.

causemommysaid

Thu, Dec 06 2018, 5:10 pm

I once thought my cleaning lady stole my diamond ring. Turns out I dropped it on floor and didn't realize.

I'm just glad I kept my mouth shut. Also she never takes anything ever. They don't ALL take stuff.

Either keep her or don't but if you don't trust her then talking about it to her won't change anything.

DF79

Thu, Dec 06 2018, 5:22 pm

But here I'm saying I don't trust her friend. I've looked everywhere. It's not to be found.

nchr

Thu, Dec 06 2018, 5:25 pm

I dont know where you hide stuff, but personally, in the past, I have placed items in socks in a drawer only to forget and later, after believing the item had been lost forever, discover it.

shabbatiscoming

Thu, Dec 06 2018, 5:32 pm

DF79 wrote:

She's been with me for over 10 years. I'm aware that she takes things, a roll of toilet paper, cups... I think they all do.

I missing a bag for a long time, I keep hoping it will show up but I haven't found it. She once brought a friend to my house without asking (she comes and takes my kids off the bus and I get home after). I looked for the earrings right away and they were there. I haven't seen them since.

I want to talk to her about it , even though its very likely that she took them. What would you do?

what a terrible thing to say.

too tired

Thu, Dec 06 2018, 6:25 pm

Was it today that you discovered? And did she come today? I would ask Shomrim what they recommend to do. Keep looking hard tonight to make sure its gone before acusing her. Once I said Ill make sure first and looked and looked and BH found

Last edited by too tired on Thu, Dec 06 2018, 6:30 pm; edited 1 time in total

too tired

Thu, Dec 06 2018, 6:28 pm

Deleted, sorry

Cheiny

Thu, Dec 06 2018, 6:43 pm

DF79 wrote:

She's been with me for over 10 years. I'm aware that she takes things, a roll of toilet paper, cups...

I missing a bag for a long time, I keep hoping it will show up but I haven't found it. She once brought a friend to my house without asking (she comes and takes my kids off the bus and I get home after). I looked for the earrings right away and they were there. I haven't seen them since.

I want to talk to her about it , even though its very likely that she took them. What would you do?

I can’t imagine anyone here having a different reaction than: why on earth would you leave your $2,000 earrings somewhere that anyone could get them ? Hiding them is not sufficient, as these people know all the hiding places you could ever think of. It doesn’t matter how long a worker has been with you, how trustworthy you think they are, how well you’ve treated them, they’re “like family,” THEY SHOULD NOT BE TRUSTED! My relative had a cleaning woman for many years without a problem (the cleaning woman was a frum woman, by the way) and one day my relative noticed the woman had her hand in my relative’s pocketbook which she had trustingly left lying around, because she thought the worker was so trustworthy and frum to boot! No worker should be trusted to that extent. And I was once robbed in a hotel room where I had hidden some cash. There was no safe in the room. No one should trust workers!

Last edited by Cheiny on Thu, Dec 06 2018, 6:50 pm; edited 1 time in total

Thu, Dec 06 2018, 6:48 pm

‘They’ do not all take things. If urs does that’s an issue.

Cheiny

Thu, Dec 06 2018, 6:51 pm

r1 wrote:

‘They’ do not all take things. If urs does that’s an issue.

Maybe all don’t, but no one should rely on or hope theirs doesn’t. Just not smart....

mom39

Thu, Dec 06 2018, 6:59 pm

If I thought my non jewish cleaning lady stole my earrings I would be more concerned about leaving her with my kids than my jewelry!!

Cheiny

Thu, Dec 06 2018, 7:06 pm

mom39 wrote:

If I thought my non jewish cleaning lady stole my earrings I would be more concerned about leaving her with my kids than my jewelry!!

So true! A close friend who’s a therapist once told me that all the women who leave their very young children with non Jewish nannies should not be surprised when those kids grow up and marry non Jewish. That’s who gives them their nurturing and they remember that as they grow up....scary.

DF79

Thu, Dec 06 2018, 7:26 pm

Thanks all. Some of these replies remind me why I haven’t been on the site for years.

She’s a wonderful sweet women who is gentle with my kids, she has an issue where she takes things. They are usually minor items like toilet paper which is why I didn’t hide them. She’s a good person wirh this issue Would you discredit ones value based on one character defect? My kids are safe with her.
The assumption that she’s the one me nurturing my kids is demeaning. Hopefully their Jewish teachers are having a bigger impact on whether they marry Jewish or not. I’m a single mom.
Sorry I’m out working and can’t take my kids off the bus. I asked advice on how to talk to my nanny about something missing.

Happy Chanukah all. May you be blessed to only encounter trustworthy ppl in your life.

salamanca

Thu, Dec 06 2018, 7:54 pm

Cheiny: can you please explain why having a non-Jewish nanny should make parents worry that their kids may intermarry? Is she teaching them Xianity?

thegiver

Thu, Dec 06 2018, 7:58 pm

Never allow ur cleaning lady to bring a friend or relative. Even if you trust yours doesnt mean you can necessarily trust other ppl they bring. Make that a policy. My cleaning ladys daughter stole a family heirloom

crust

Thu, Dec 06 2018, 8:07 pm

Cheiny wrote:

It is a known thing that Reb Shayale Kerstirer's nanny taught his children Modeh Ani poured them negel vasser and whatnot.

How does your friend gather data to come to such a conclusion? Did she interview people that intermarried and based her statement on what she heard from them?

33055

Thu, Dec 06 2018, 8:14 pm

DF79 wrote:

Her one character defect is that she steals. Knowing she steals, you didn't secure your earrings. It is not fair to leave things in an accessible place that can temp her. She may not have considered taking your earrings but for the fact, they were accessible.

I always tell my family not to leave money and valuables lying around. There is too much temptation to take things even if they had no intention.

Your cleaning lady is a thief based on the fact she steals. You were negligent with your valuables based on the fact you know you have a thief working for you in your house without supervision and left your earrings around.

Someone suggested fake cameras. I suggest real ones.

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