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S/O what did your in laws do right?!
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tweek




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 06 2018, 6:11 pm
Lol. This might be harder for some of you!

I'm heading to candle lighting, but thought this would be an interesting spin off. Will come back to answer soon.
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amother
Azure


 

Post Thu, Dec 06 2018, 6:17 pm
They instilled a love to help others.
They gave me my husband! Very Happy
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amother
Cerulean


 

Post Thu, Dec 06 2018, 6:24 pm
They gave my husband unlimited, unconditional love. They never put their needs/issues on their children--there were clear parent/child boundries. They are positive, moral, hard working people. For that I am eternally grateful. It made my husband into a confident, capable, giving, responsible person.
I am from a very unhealthy family and as such am overly-needy and sensitive. This marriage would never work if my husband were as damaged as I was.
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tweek




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 06 2018, 6:31 pm
They brought up children who are great spouses bh! Really those of us who joined the family always marvel at this!

They taught their children to do the "right thing". I can't say I always appreciate it as it sometimes creates extra pressure, but in the long run, no one regrets having done right after they pushed themselves to do it.

I love how my mother in law really wants all of her children (from a large family kah) to come for meals on yom tov. I genuinely feel wanted when I come or missed when I don't.
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thunderstorm




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 06 2018, 6:36 pm
I love these threads. It helps me look at everything positively and makes me feel gratitude.

My inlaws have raised a super amazing son. That's for sure!

1. My FIL makes my MIL coffee every day and brings it upstairs to her bed.
He has patience with her even though she could be quite moody.
He cooks for Shabbos every week and prepares everything for Shabbos.
My DH helps out naturally and I think it's to his fathers credit.
2. My inlaws will always put me first. If I'm not comfortable about something they will bend over backwards to accomadate me until I'm fully ok with whatever the situation is. They are always asking for my approval even though it's things that absolutely don't need my approval.
3. My MIL would buy me certain foods or drink if she saw me enjoy something and she'll say " I bought this for you because I know you love it".
4. My inlaws both care about animals and work tirelessly , nursing wounded animals back to health or fostering dogs until they get adopted etc. This character trait is literally in the blood of every one of their eineklech. My inlaws and kids can spend hours feeding, cleaning, training and playing with various animals together and have real compassion towards these creatures .
5. My inlaws will insist that my boys get up from the table and do all the serving and clearing so that I can sit and relax, even though I'd gladly help out.
6. My MIL offered and then moved into my house for over a week so that I could spend a week on vacation with my DH.
7. If my house is a mess my MIL would not say a negative word. But she will wake up at 4 am and wash my sinks of dishes and will wash 12 loads of our laundry without even telling me.
8. My FIL will greet us all warmly when we show up , hug all the grandkids no matter the age and will be quick to show what yummy foods or barbecue he prepared for them.
9. Every Chol Hamoed my inlaws invite my kids to come and spend it with them so that I can be home and chill out. My FIL will take my kids fishing for hours or do something that my boys love.
10. My inlaws are converts . They each went through extremely traumatic childhoods. My MIL was abandoned by her mother at age one (or so she was told by her father. ) and my FIL was imprisoned and constantly beaten by his uncle at age 5 after his father passed away. (Not in the US). They both didn't have parents raising them, yet the two of them are extremely devoted parents to their children and amazing grandparents to their grandkids AND they are great inlaws as well to me!
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amother
Apricot


 

Post Thu, Dec 06 2018, 6:40 pm
Nothing!!!!
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amother
Jade


 

Post Thu, Dec 06 2018, 6:46 pm
amother wrote:
Nothing!!!!


Amen lol.

They love themselves above all, and their kids inherited a level of confidence I wish I had. They are extremely in tune with themselves, ambitious and belive they can do anything. It also makes them naturally selfish so I’m not sure I would emulate it Confused
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amother
Khaki


 

Post Thu, Dec 06 2018, 6:49 pm
Give us privacy but are always there when we need them (don't ask invading questions but are happy to offer advice).
Never expect us to visit them for yom tov etc based on where we went last year but are so happy when we come.
Treat me like a daughter.
Spoil my kids (is that good or bad? But it's coming from love so my children definitely sense that.)
Very generous monetarily.
Raised my husband to be a responsible person.
Accommodate our kashrus requirements (buy special lettuce for us etc).
Made simchos for our kids (bris, upsherin) and took care of al the arrangements (party planning is not my thing!)
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amother
Brown


 

Post Thu, Dec 06 2018, 7:02 pm
None of these good attributes that people wrote here, do my in-laws do.
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amother
Mint


 

Post Thu, Dec 06 2018, 7:07 pm
My inlaws, who are very physically abusive as in will belt a child at the shabbos table repeatably, spank younger kids formally with a hairbrush 20+ times, etc. did teach all of their children excellent work ethic, how to save money, excellent manners and how to really do a lot of good for the community. I guess spankings and such are just part of their parenting style and all of their kids have good relationships with them. It's hard for me to understand because I'm the opposite, but my husband has never said a bad word about either of his parents, but he doesn't say negative things about people in general.
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tichellady




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 06 2018, 7:29 pm
They are great. They are very kind to me and always so willing to help when visiting with cooking, cleaning, laundry etc . They always ask what they can have in the house for us before we visit or if we would like anything special for dinner.

They taught my husband financial responsibility ( among other things).


Last edited by tichellady on Thu, Dec 06 2018, 7:31 pm; edited 1 time in total
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DREAMING




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 06 2018, 7:30 pm
They raised my husband!!!!!
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amother
Copper


 

Post Thu, Dec 06 2018, 8:04 pm
My husband was diagnosed with ADHD in elementary school. 20 plus years ago, it was not as well understood as it is today, and most people scoffed at the idea that it was even a diagnosable condition. My ILs did their best with the tools available at the time. They accepted the diagnosis and did their best. When medication was recommended, they took that advice and did what they had to do. My husband would not be where he is today had his parents not accepted the diagnosis and done everything they could to help him. He probably would not have ever been marriage material had things not been addressed at a young age.
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DVOM




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 06 2018, 8:59 pm
My husband also has ADHD. Growing up in Israel, there was no such diagnosis and medication was unheard of. My in-laws not only loved my husband, but they truly liked and appreciated him. They thought of him as highly creative, smart, talented, kind, trustworthy and capable, and with the powerful force of their love to support him, those are the things he believed about himself. DH was kicked out of 6 schools. His impulsivity led him to do some truly crazy things (like, got arrested crazy). It amazes me that he came out of his childhood with his sense of self-worth intact. I give the credit for that to my in-laws, who believed in him completely and gave him their full support, no matter what. As an older teen and adult, my husband chose a very different religious lifestyle than his parents. Their response was as it had always been throughout his childhood: respectful, honest curiosity, no judgment, unconditional love. As their daughter in law, I was adopted into their family wholeheartedly, even though culturally and religiously I am very very different than their other children and children-in-law. I hope I can give my own children the unconditionally love that my in-laws give their kids.
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amother
Cerise


 

Post Thu, Dec 06 2018, 9:27 pm
amother wrote:
They gave my husband unlimited, unconditional love. They never put their needs/issues on their children--there were clear parent/child boundries. They are positive, moral, hard working people. For that I am eternally grateful. It made my husband into a confident, capable, giving, responsible person.
I am from a very unhealthy family and as such am overly-needy and sensitive. This marriage would never work if my husband were as damaged as I was.

Are you me?? I could have written this word for word.
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amother
Amethyst


 

Post Thu, Dec 06 2018, 11:30 pm
My dh was raised in an emotional abusive home. His parents were always fighting and arguing and never went out of the way for one another hence my dh is clueless about spoiling his wife:( I try to teach him to emulate my parents who are the complete opposite of his parents but he doesn't get it:(
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amother
Firebrick


 

Post Fri, Dec 07 2018, 12:22 am
My in laws are truly wonderful people. Everyone loves them. They treat me better than my parents do.
They love their children and in law children unconditionally.
They do not expect to be treated like guests when they visit. They help cook and clean tremedously and it’s so appreciated.
They help monetarily without us asking - for example: when I sent a pic of my baby getting her first shoes, MIL immediately called and said, “I’m sending you money to cover the cost”.
When they come for a Simcha they also give us money to help pay for it plus a gift for the child. (My parents would never think to do this and I always feel touched that my in laws do)

They make everyone feel welcome in their home. Always ask what special foods or items all of us want them to buy when we visit. (In contrast, my mother expects us to bring whatever we need, eg: bottled water for baby bottles, whole milk for toddler when they only drink skim)

They raised their children with unconditional love.
My FIL models wonderful husband behavior - he doesn’t mind getting his hands dirty and my DH is the same way. He doesn’t believe in “this is the wife’s job”.
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amother
Plum


 

Post Fri, Dec 07 2018, 1:06 am
They have helped us financially many times over when things are tight.

They have helped me drive carpools when I couldn't be in two places at once.

They have tried to have all the kids over a couple times a month for a sleepover so DH and I could have some alone time.

(The stuff they did wrong would take up a lot more space, but that doesn't negate any of the tremendous generosity stated above).
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Zehava




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Dec 07 2018, 1:38 am
They are loving, and kind people who just want to see others happy. They are honest and open, nothing shoved under the rug, no toxic secrets, it’s all out there and I love that about them.
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amother
Rose


 

Post Fri, Dec 07 2018, 4:34 am
I love these threads because it forces us to look at the positive!

Well my in-laws are divorced. So my FIL wasn't really a hands on dad.. he said himself he didn't know what to do with his kids, so the weekends he had them he brought them to his parents. BUT my husband loves his father and is actually closer to him than his mother. And since my FIL is one of the kindest people I have ever met , my husband is striving to be like him and that's so beautiful to see. It's the character trait I love the most about my husband. Always looking out for those he loves and even those he doesn't know. He will go and give a waiter a tip because he saw someone tipping very little.

My MIL got remarried and had kids with her new husband and kind of focused on them. The stepfather didn't really care for his stepchildren so there's not much he learned there. He doesn't ever want to get divorced.. I guess his parents messy divorce scarred him for life ( I guess that's a good thing?).

So it's definitely my fil and also his parents (dh's grandparents) who made him into the wonderful person he is today and I'm incredibly thankful to them.
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