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Support group based on book "empowered wife"
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amother




Blonde
 

Post Thu, Feb 21 2019, 1:55 am
ectomorph wrote:
I just want to point out that every person on this thread who spoke out against the empowered wife has been divorced.

This is not a judgement but something to take into consideration.


I will speak out against the book because I found it to be unhelpful to my marriage. An example is buying myself gifts totally backfired. Oh and I am not divorced, so please stop making generalizations. Ectomorph, you are so militant and defensive about the book, it wouldn’t surprise me at all if you are actually Laura Doyle even though you have claimed otherwise! It’s great it worked for you but I wish you would accept it doesn’t work for all marriages.
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amother




Blonde
 

Post Thu, Feb 21 2019, 1:57 am
sarahmalka wrote:
I don't know if you meant this to be obnoxious but it sure comes across that way. Especially under the cover of amother.

BTW I took surrendered to mean surrendering control I.e., stop trying to control your husband.
Can't there be a closed section on this site, a subgroup, as a support group?


I find the repeated plugs for a book that I found unhelpful at best to be obnoxious.

I fully support the idea of a closed group for fans so that the rest of us can stop hearing about the book!
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amother




Blonde
 

Post Thu, Feb 21 2019, 2:00 am
ectomorph wrote:
And just to clarify I am not the writer of how to talk so kids will listen either. I just think it has so many helpful tips and structure.


I have read that multiple times and have it on my shelf. It is completely different to the LD book. However, in the midst of a difficult situation with DCs the book doesn’t always help either. Sometimes learning by doing is more successful than sitting around reading.
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ectomorph




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Feb 21 2019, 5:50 am
amother wrote:
I will speak out against the book because I found it to be unhelpful to my marriage. An example is buying myself gifts totally backfired. Oh and I am not divorced, so please stop making generalizations. Ectomorph, you are so militant and defensive about the book, it wouldn’t surprise me at all if you are actually Laura Doyle even though you have claimed otherwise! It’s great it worked for you but I wish you would accept it doesn’t work for all marriages.

I have never claimed it works for all marriages. She specifically says in her book that it doesn't work for abusive marriages.

When I take ideas from the book in responses on imamother, or there is an op that seems it could benefit, I source it to the book.

There's a strong anti-marriage strain of posters on imamother and I suspect that that's where the opposition comes from.
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ectomorph




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Feb 21 2019, 5:54 am
amother wrote:
Abuse is not when someone acts mean in a bad moment. Real abuse is like a mental sickness, like OCD, ADHD, depression etc.. There is way more to real abuse than one can imagine. Thankfully there are therapists trained for this and they do completely understand the danger of it. Very few who haven't come across real abuse can comprehend how bad it is.

As brilliant as Laura is, she herself understood the danger of her methods being applied in an abusive marriage.


Exactly.

Telling every woman who posts her frustration at her husband to get divorced is really dangerous and unhelpful. Yet that's what happens on this website, more often than not.
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mammale




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Feb 21 2019, 2:43 pm
amother wrote:
Can we have a closed forum for people who have read this book and Would like to be in a support group?

I would like that
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amother




Blonde
 

Post Thu, Feb 21 2019, 2:58 pm
ectomorph wrote:
I have never claimed it works for all marriages. She specifically says in her book that it doesn't work for abusive marriages.

When I take ideas from the book in responses on imamother, or there is an op that seems it could benefit, I source it to the book.

There's a strong anti-marriage strain of posters on imamother and I suspect that that's where the opposition comes from.


Where did I say I had an abusive marriage? I just said it was unhelpful for my marriage and you assumed abusive? I am not anti-marriage but I am anti-that book for my marriage.

Also, I don’t think anyone on IMA is anti-marriage. Those with bad marital experiences are just warning those who come on and pour their hearts out asking advice.
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imorethanamother




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Feb 21 2019, 4:20 pm
ectomorph wrote:
I have never claimed it works for all marriages. She specifically says in her book that it doesn't work for abusive marriages.

When I take ideas from the book in responses on imamother, or there is an op that seems it could benefit, I source it to the book.

There's a strong anti-marriage strain of posters on imamother and I suspect that that's where the opposition comes from.


Insert eyeroll here. I'm happy this book worked for you. As marriage books happen to go, it's. . fine. I mean, it's okay. The basic premise of the book is not to nag, and not to be negative, but to be positive. I found this book to be much better:

https://www.amazon.com/Lessons.....riage

As for Laura Doyle, her books are what works for her. Sometimes, they work for other people. Sometimes they don't. It seems disingenuous to assume that anyone who hates the book has a failed marriage or is some kind of anti-marriage harpy. I have a pretty solid marriage, and I think marriage is awesome. So do I count when I say that I, for one, think that it's slightly dumb to insist on extremely traditional roles in a marriage as a cure-all?

A lot of frum men speakers love this book. They like it so much because it parrots what they believe women should be - meek and respectful, obligated to be their permanent cheerleaders in life, never nagging for anything more than what they've given. And if they DO want something, they have to get it only by following some prescribed set of rules.
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ectomorph




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Feb 21 2019, 5:25 pm
imorethanamother wrote:
Insert eyeroll here. I'm happy this book worked for you. As marriage books happen to go, it's. . fine. I mean, it's okay. The basic premise of the book is not to nag, and not to be negative, but to be positive. I found this book to be much better:

https://www.amazon.com/Lessons.....riage

As for Laura Doyle, her books are what works for her. Sometimes, they work for other people. Sometimes they don't. It seems disingenuous to assume that anyone who hates the book has a failed marriage or is some kind of anti-marriage harpy. I have a pretty solid marriage, and I think marriage is awesome. So do I count when I say that I, for one, think that it's slightly dumb to insist on extremely traditional roles in a marriage as a cure-all?

A lot of frum men speakers love this book. They like it so much because it parrots what they believe women should be - meek and respectful, obligated to be their permanent cheerleaders in life, never nagging for anything more than what they've given. And if they DO want something, they have to get it only by following some prescribed set of rules.

Have you ever read it? That is absolutely not what the book is about. Perhaps you confused it with a different book.
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amother




Bronze
 

Post Thu, Feb 21 2019, 5:39 pm
It was a nice book to read and take some tips from... and then return to the library. I find it amusing when people have chavrusos and learn it like a deep piece of gemarah
- signed: happily married for 2.5 decades
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oneofakind




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Feb 21 2019, 5:48 pm
I read it a long time ago and don't even remember the details but I learnt how to minimize criticizing and directing which is good advice across the board and has nothing to do with whatever else is in the rest of the book.
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amother




Beige
 

Post Thu, Feb 21 2019, 11:57 pm
If this book suggests leaving all on husbands shoulders, how can it work with our large families IF the husband comes from a home where his father severely abused him emotionally? He doesn't even know how to treat a child normally or how far to go with discipline or how to love unconditionally. He has never seen a normal home. Can this book work in such a case?
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imasoftov




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Feb 24 2019, 5:03 am
ectomorph wrote:
I just want to point out that every person on this thread who spoke out against the empowered wife has been divorced.

Burlywood amother wrote:
They mentioned that they were divorced in many other threads.

I'm curious if I'm either not a member of this group because I criticized Doyle in general without speaking about thiis particular book, or if there's a thread somewhere that could mislead someone into thinking that I'm divorced.
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imasoftov




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Feb 24 2019, 5:05 am
amother wrote:
I find the repeated plugs for a book that I found unhelpful at best to be obnoxious.

I fully support the idea of a closed group for fans so that the rest of us can stop hearing about the book!

Or perhaps what we'd have then is repeated plugs for the group?
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amother




Bronze
 

Post Sun, Feb 24 2019, 7:46 am
Yes, I was wondering how they were able to tell I’m divorced when I went “amother”
Guess thats the powers that comes with reading this book!
(Edited: I’m married)
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amother




Bronze
 

Post Sun, Feb 24 2019, 7:48 am
So I was starting to feel overlooked and so so sad
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amother




Brown
 

Post Tue, Oct 29 2019, 1:33 pm
I know this is an old thread but just wanted to chime in here in case anyone is scrolling thru. I heard a course from Chana Eisenstein (9176902275) based on this book and it was amazing! She gives it over really well and with a Torah hashkafa. She usually has a support group after the courses and offers private counseling as well. I highly highly recommend Smile
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amother




Natural
 

Post Mon, Feb 15 2021, 3:41 am
amother [ Brown ] wrote:
I know this is an old thread but just wanted to chime in here in case anyone is scrolling thru. I heard a course from Chana Eisenstein (9176902275) based on this book and it was amazing! She gives it over really well and with a Torah hashkafa. She usually has a support group after the courses and offers private counseling as well. I highly highly recommend Smile

Speaking from personal experience, and from what I've heard from some others with personal experience - I would NOT recommend going to Chana Eisenstein. She literally almost ruined my marriage. She also charges a ton of money, especially for someone without any license.

I'd recommend Gila Levitt or Yuyu Freedman instead.
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newima




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Feb 15 2021, 7:15 am
Kesher wife workshop... with Sara yoheved rigler https://jewishworkshops.lpages.....498a2
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