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I hate having guests.
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imasoftov




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 17 2018, 4:17 am
amother wrote:
I'm new to the thread maybe you guys have some advice for me. I'm really not looking forward to hosting relatives for Pesach. We have one set of parents plus a single sibling coming for the first half and then the other set of parents and another single sibling time for the second half. Everyone kind of just informed us that they want to come and there is no way that we could tell them no! People want to see their children and grandchildren on pesach! And no, there is no spare room. We have to rearrange the kids to make room. We're not really going to have a break in between and we're going to have no privacy for a week and a half! A very high-strung week and a half! I don't know how I'm going to handle this. Advice??

Look for people who live nearby who go away for Pesach (your parents aren't the only families that go away during Pesach) and rent their place or trade with them that sometime when you go away they can use yours.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 17 2018, 6:16 am
amother wrote:
Not every chessed is right for everyone at every stage in life. If hosting isn't your thing, for whatever reason, try to find other ways to help people. Hosting is special in that your kids see chessed in action (as opposed to writing a check). So try taking kids with you to deliver tomchei shabbos packages, helping out at a gemach, setting up at shul, etc. You do your kids a huge favor when you demonstrate chessed for them, with them. They don't have to give up their beds to a stranger to have this opportunity.


I actually want to show my kids, but there are very few opportunities for children in my culture. I've tried showing them packages I made for beggars or telling them what I'll donate but...
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Simple1




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 17 2018, 8:39 am
I was thinking about this. I don't mind the intrusion. I love the social aspect of having guests. But I get stressed out from hosting - keeping the house presentable and making sure everyone is fed.

I don't have the opportunity to have guests often, so maybe I'd feel differently if it became too much.

DVOM, I know what you mean about kids. Even playdates make me nervous - until I see it's going very well.
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amother
Dodgerblue


 

Post Mon, Dec 17 2018, 10:00 am
HI OP. I'm so sorry that your experiences have led you to feel so used and burnt out.
I just wanted to share with you a different perspective. Growing up my BT family lived in a cramped apartment and for various other reasons were not able to have guests. We were usually the guests instead. When I was in HS and seminary, I was frequently a guest, and I learned so much from the way other people interacted at a Shabbos meal and after. it really shaped my vision of what my own home would look like. Now I live in a more spacious apartment, where we have a spare bedroom for guests. it gives me such joy to have guests, whether 'kiruv guests" or 'simcha guests' or "guests of convenience". To me, it shows that I have made a Torah home - guests are a big part of that. We even have a girl who is a "bas bayis", coming pretty frequently, and it just fills me with joy, despite the extra laundry and sharing a bathroom, etc. I just feel like this is WHY we were given the extra room, just like I would use extra money for tzedakah hopefully...and I know how much it benefited me in the past.
Of course, we do take breaks, and if there was an issue with shalom bayis or my kids on any level, that would take precedence.
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amother
Gold


 

Post Mon, Dec 17 2018, 10:03 am
some people are introverts and hosting may not be the best chesed for them
or may not be for any number of reasons
though when you "have to" then you can do it
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