How did you get over financial “stress”?

amother

cornflower

Sun, Dec 16 2018, 4:43 am

I’m really not handling this burden anymore, DH is training for a new job for a few months and is on bare minimum wage, his previous job was well paid but we felt still underpaid and not enough to make ends meet for our growing family. I recently stopped working due to fact that house wasn’t running properly and was forced to become a stay at home mother. I’m still working my job very minimal hours from home and it’s working out wonderful to being home, but my pay is almost nothing. I took upon another client to do some basic computer work but still we’re really not covering. I haven’t bought a shoe or never mind ANYTHING extra besides for absolute necessities, my tuition is piling up every month. I stopped my landline and not using my car these days. We’re cutting from every corner possible. My house is in dire need of touch ups which we pushed off last year so our baby can be a little older but isn’t something we can even dream of doing. I’m so depressed and burdened and can’t see my cc Bill growing anymore. And yes we already borrowed money just to pay our mortgage and health insurance. I need to mentally handle this better.

amother

Chocolate

Sun, Dec 16 2018, 5:07 am

You have nothing wrong with you, nobody handles your situation well. Of course even if you are strong it will get to you eventually. Keep reminding yourself that you are on a plan to alleviate this soon. Can you get creative and think of how to earn a bit extra in a passive way or by doing something not too much work extra?

amother

cornflower

Sun, Dec 16 2018, 9:03 am

Thanks all but that’s currently not an option. He’s out of house at 5:30 commutes to work and gets back in at 7, he still learns at a paid kollel for an hour and then does pickups for a company for another hour or two, he’s stretched so thin and never gets home before 12 and so afraid this schedule shouldn’t take a toll on him. I was up all night crying about this. I wish I can take out a loan to relieve some stress but my credit isn’t the greatest since we were late on some payments lately. Technically I need mental relief more than financial relief now. Makes sense?

amother

Red

Sun, Dec 16 2018, 9:12 am

Sometimes you just need to take a (cheap) break. Everyone has their own preferences of what would work for them. It can be as simple as going for a walk just to get out of the house. Maybe give yourself a mani/pedi or soak in the tub for an hour after the kids are sleeping.

We can't afford to spend money now, so for date nights we very often take out some movies from the library and watch at home.

I love shopping but can't afford to, so sometimes I'll go somewhere really cheap and buy myself something for $5 or less, so at least I get the feeling without spending money I don't have. For Chanuka I got myself a new spatula at the dollar store. It sounds pathetic, but it made me happy.

I go to the library a lot, reading is what keeps me sane and it's free.

Think about what makes you happy and how you can do it for free or really cheap.

amother

Copper

Sun, Dec 16 2018, 9:12 am

Sorry to hear about your struggles. Here's the thing. To a large extent, financial problems are real and not just a state of mind. For example if you told me you were upset and sad that you didn't have a big beautiful house with a a fancy car, we could talk about how to train your mind to think differently and be happy with what you have. On the other hand if someone was complaining about headaches, there isn't a way to feel better without getting rid of the headache. Unfortunately financial problems are real. They aren't just "in your head". Bills need to be paid. The only thing I could suggest is that until your husband starts making more money maybe you shouldn't stay at home as much and instead should be working. I get the fact that the house wasn't functioning properly, but not paying the utility bills, credit card bills, or tuition is not a real alternative. Hatslacha!

amother

Coffee

Sun, Dec 16 2018, 9:34 am

amother wrote:

I agree with this. You need to find a way to make money
Maybe you can work from home

amother

Blush

Sun, Dec 16 2018, 11:04 am

It's hard
I've been in states of despair and desperation in the past.

Right now, we're a few thousand short a month due to various reasons, we're working on resolving this, but I try to think of the positive as I've been down the desperate road before and it makes functioning very difficult.

Right now, I tell myself 100 times a day, that it'll be better soon, that we're doing our best, that we're on an upward swing.

amother

Navy

Sun, Dec 16 2018, 11:28 am

I too am in a similar situation. It's heartbreaking to hear that so many struggle like this quietly.

I try to remind myself that being poor is hard but will not kill us. We will remain alive..

As the previous poster said, I tell myself over and over that things are going to get better now. To get myself "ok" emotionaly, I literally imagine that Hashem already helped us and we're totally financially secure with abundance everywhere.. This gets me into a good positive mood and I can then function very well.

I also want to add that the "treat" I give myself each day is a long shower with a good massager. Since I can't afford vacations, I imagine during the shower that I'm on vacation at the beach or the park or anything I crave for..

amother

cornflower

Sun, Dec 16 2018, 10:12 pm

amother wrote:

Ye it's crazy when there's no money! Feel for you & with you! Con ed came to shut off my electricity.....they didn't care that I have a cancer patient sick with pneumonia now in the house! No money, no honey!

I can’t hear this!!! Sending you lots of hugs and a refuah sheleima! Whoever you are, you’re going into my very fervent prayers!!

Thanks all for the chizuk. We actually met with a great friend and financial advisor and told him about our deep dark secret of being poor and how stressful it is for us and just unloading felt good too... I felt validated. (He even fixed two of my broken chairs which made me so happy) so we went thru our options how we can make things work until dh salary increases, turns out we are eligible for very short term loan and hopefully we get approved just to carry us over. All of you that are also struggling. I can only sympathize and we can support each other. Let’s pray that this struggle should end soon and may we never know of worse!

simba

Sun, Dec 16 2018, 10:22 pm

amother wrote:

Did you get your electricity back on? If not please PM me.

amother

cornflower

Sun, Dec 16 2018, 10:37 pm

amother wrote:

I think it would be a smart idea to start a support group for us, poor anonymous... to give each other chizuk in those very trying moments.

I’ll be all in, sometimes we just need to feel like we’re not alone! It is such a burden and so stressful.
And then... my sister who is so well off bh and (I’m so not jealous of her because, you know, my husband is much more decent than hers Tongue Out

) texts me that stores are 50% off and we should do a shopping spree tomorrow, first of all, I don’t use my car and second of all it hurts that 50% off is still soooooooooo beyond something I can dream of that it just depresses me a little...

amother

Seagreen

Mon, Dec 17 2018, 9:37 am

I made the min pymt by cc to keep electricity on with payment plan. I couldnt let the electricity down. He was to use his nebulizer 3x a day for his pneumonia. So first delayed to worry about payment when cc bill will arrive. Being busy with sickness impacts our income, hub can't work all the time because he takes my child for his outpatient appts, I can't work because child is home & have to care for him. 3 days of the last week, hub spent with my child in hosp

amother

Blue

Mon, Dec 17 2018, 12:09 pm

amother wrote:

Financial stress is so difficult! Probably one of the most difficult nisyonos! Been there, done that. For starters, definitely take tzedaka, govt assistance and any other free options you can get your hands on. It's there for you and you need it. Hashem should help you very soon!