Hashem wants we should have shalom right??

amother

Brunette

Tue, Dec 18 2018, 1:42 pm

It used to be that dh and I only would come to be in a fight or any kind of argument when it was over money. It made me crazy because we had so much shalom bayis except in that area when dh would get all anxious and get out of control.

I'll tell you right now that after 20 years of marriage, it isn't the money or lack of it that is the problem. The only thing that changed from our constant fighting to no fighting over it was the growth of our emunah. We didn't get more money, we realized that Hashem is in control of our finances. We need to do our part but it is a test for you and dh when Hashem uses money as the trigger for shalom bayis issues. Decide together that you both want to defeat the yetzer hara in this which has until now had a super easy time getting the two of you to fight. Make it harder for him. Read emunah books, watch inspiring shiurim together. Whatever it takes to take the issue away from money because you could get more money and then have more expenses. So, it never really is about the money. It is how you see the money and how you see the value of your shalom bayis. Realize you can pass this test if you lower the value of money in your life. It is a means to the end but if the end you arrive to quickly is fighting, then you got nowhere fast. The shechina departs when there is a lack of shalom. There is no issue worth it. Without joy, you don't have a vessel to bring down wealth that Hashem may want to bring you. It is a catch 22 because you think your joy is dependent upon your finances. It isn't though. Be "sameach b'chelko" no matter what you have at the moment. Life is short. What is more important to you? Change your priorities so the yetzer hara won't have money as his fodder. Make compromising, taking each other's feelings into consideration and shalom bayis the priority. Daven for it, not just for the money!

This takes communication and lots of work and losing a bit of ego but it is so so worth it! Our marriage has never been better and we have finally grasped how emunah can bring happiness. No amount of money can do that! Money comes and money goes but there is nothing like a peaceful home.

Wishing you the best and I hope your finances turn around. Don't lose this opportunity to grow in your emunah. There is a reason why Hashem put you in this situation. Maybe passing His test can enable you to be worthy of a big financial change!

amother

Taupe

Tue, Dec 18 2018, 3:13 pm

amother wrote:

I admire your strength but I have to disagree. We are human. Chazzal refer to a poor person as "meis", or dead. There's poor and there's POOR. Not having money for any extras is one thing. But when a family is suffocating under the burden of not being able to pay their rent, utilities, water, tuition or clothing, it's a heartbreaking crisis. I suppose we could say that a person should try to reach higher levels where their emunah overpowers their desperation but it's not really being realistic. No money cause enormous stress. Stress causes shalom bayis problems.