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Torn about piercing baby's ears
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Chayalle




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Dec 19 2018, 8:49 am
I had earrings for my kiddush, and my girls got theirs as newborns. They barely cried (one DD was sleeping - made a little whimper and went right back to sleep). I feel that it's something they'll do anyway, so why make it difficult for them.

I've asked my girls if they mind that I did this for them, and they were like no way. Why should we have been bothered with whether we are ready for it or not - it's just part of us.

Every time I see this on imamother, I see there are people with pretty strong feelings about it in the "against" camp, which I don't get. Live and let live! Do what works for you, but why get so personal about what works for someone else.
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simba




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Dec 19 2018, 8:49 am
Conflicting opinions here. I have a 10 month old baby girl (first girl after boys) and I have not pierced her ears. I don’t feel the need to. She is delicious and beautiful and have no need to adorn her with anything shiny.
If she wants it and ask for it I have no problem at that time.
I had my ears pierced when I was 18 yrs old. No permanent trauma.
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amother




Magenta


Post  Wed, Dec 19 2018, 8:53 am
My girls are practically born with earrings. Girls belong to have earrings. No of my babies cried for more than afew seconds. One just made a face and that's it.
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momsrus




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Dec 19 2018, 8:58 am
I definitely prefer piercings as a baby. I needed to get my ears pieced 3 times because I got it when I was 7. First time it got infected second time I was getting undressed and when I pulled off my shirt it pulled the earring out.

When you get it as a baby it becomes part of you, less likely for anything to go wrong.
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thunderstorm




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Dec 19 2018, 9:00 am
amother wrote:
I just had my first girl after many boys and am really enjoying dressing her up in pretty pink girly clothing and bracelets. I always thought that if I would have a girl, I would pierce her ears from the start. Now that she's here, I'm having a hard time with the thought of electively inflicting pain upon her just for my enjoyment. I'm not the type who struggles with my babies getting blood tests or vaccines since I know they're for their own benefit and the pain is short lived, but with ear piercing, even though the pain is just as short, it's totally unnecessary and really just for my own fun.

Recently I was discussing this with a teenage girl relative, and she made a point which made me think again. She said that she has a few friends who never pierced their ears and really want to but are too afraid of the pain. They wish their parents would have had it done to them when they were babies and too young to be afraid. She thinks I would actually be doing her a chessed by getting them pierced when she's still this young. She also said that it hurts much less on tiny babies.

I would love to hear opinions on this.

My mother waited until I was eleven and I resented it. Firstly since age three I'd been begging for earrings. Secondly I still remember how it hurt. The actual piercing was not that bad. It was the fact that the posts were put on too tight and they were pinching my earlobes which caused me agonizing pain for a few days until my mother realized something didn't make sense.
Now I also had my first girl after a few boys and I decided to go ahead with it. My pediatrician actually does the ear piercing in the doctors office, so I felt secure that it was being done in a sterile and safe environment. The doctor doesn't do it before the baby is 4 months old. She got her ears pierced the day of her 4 month checkup along with whatever shots she needed that visit. She cried for a few minutes and then we gave her Tylenol per the doctors instructions . She calmed down and didn't kvetch about it since. She actually had more discomfort and was feverish the next day from the the shots. She never cried when I cleaned them etc . I'm happy I did it. She will never remember it and truthfully, it wasn't that a big deal.
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amother




Turquoise


Post  Wed, Dec 19 2018, 9:00 am
amother wrote:
My girls are practically born with earrings. Girls belong to have earrings. No of my babies cried for more than afew seconds. One just made a face and that's it.


Belong to have earrings? Huh?
Do they have nose rings too? Why not?
Rivka Imeinu had.
Please explain why girls require earrings? Or any woman requires them?
Am I less of a woman without?
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momsrus




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Dec 19 2018, 9:01 am
moonstone wrote:
And you think the bolded is a bad thing? I think it's the right thing to do. Wait until they're old enough to want it for themselves.

I find earrings on a baby to be repulsive. Babies don't need jewelry, especially jewelry that requires piercing their ears! Why not go all the way and put makeup and tiny heels on them, too?

Ear piercing isn't a necessary medical procedure that NEEDS to be done when theyre babies so they won't remember the pain. They should be old enough to decide for themselves if they want pierced ears, and if they're willing to withstand the pain (which really isn't even that bad). I had mine pierced when I was 9. It was a decision *I* made.

I find it absolutely ridiculous that there are Jewish communities where this is a sort of community standard that everybody does. Feh.


Repulsive?
You need to take a chill
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amother




Babyblue


Post  Wed, Dec 19 2018, 9:02 am
amother wrote:
I wouldn't do it to a toddler, that is the worst age. IMO, if you miss the window before 9 months, then you will probably have to wait until DD asks and can take care of it herself.


First of all, There is nothing wrong with piercing a baby's ears but I don't like the look. It is also customary in many communities, not just Chassidish ones.

What's wrong with piercing ears when a child asks for it and why can't a toddler be pierced? I got my ears pierced at 5, with a needle not a gun and was so proud of it. There is literally no pain involved in a lobe piercing, or most piercings for that matter - it is more pressure and a funny feeling (maybe slight pain) and I've pierced multiple places in my ears and body. I would not pierce an infants ears and I would wait until a child asks, be that age 4, 8, 12, 16 or never.

Also, if the child is reasonable they will be able to be pierced with a needle (the way it should be done) and not with guns; however, I know some people pierce with guns and two at a time (and this is mostly because of adult induced anxiety since there really is no pain and kids are too scared to get the second side unless it's two guns at once). It's like shots - shots, including dental ones, don't really hurt and my children never even flinched, but so many kids have unneeded adult induced anxiety about it.
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BasMelech120




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Dec 19 2018, 9:12 am
daagahminayin wrote:
Since you asked... I think apart from the pain and risk of infection, you have to consider whether it’s ethical to make a permanent change to domeone else’s body for the sake of your enjoyment. (I say permanent because even when a ear piercing hole closes up that part isn’t the same as before.) You might assume that your daughter will be happy you did this for her but you have no guarantee. Nowadays there is a strong emphasis on giving our kids the message that their bodies belong to them. Piercing a baby’s ears appears to run counter to that.


THIS.

A newborn baby cannot give you consent. As the child gets a little older, she can tell you whether she would like or not like to have her ears pierced, and you are sending the subtle AND direct message that her body is hers and that she and only she makes decisions about the changes she'd like to make on her body.
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moonstone




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Dec 19 2018, 9:12 am
momsrus wrote:
Repulsive?
You need to take a chill


Thanks, that's very sweet of you to suggest, but rest assured I'm very chilled. I'm entitled to my opinion re babies with earrings (yuck). Just like you're entitled to pierce your baby's ears even though I think it's a stupid thing to do.
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amother




Magenta


Post  Wed, Dec 19 2018, 9:17 am
Amother turquoise, I didnt say women are required to wear earrings. But there's a reason majority women in the world wear earrings, let's not kid ourselves. Every women looks better with earrings on. Do you really go to weddings and simchos without earrings?
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amother




Lilac


Post  Wed, Dec 19 2018, 9:22 am
anytime easier than a Bris... Twisted Evil Twisted Evil Twisted Evil
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simcha2




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Dec 19 2018, 9:24 am
amother wrote:
Amother turquoise, I didnt say women are required to wear earrings. But there's a reason majority women in the world wear earrings, let's not kid ourselves. Every women looks better with earrings on. Do you really go to weddings and simchos without earrings?


Frequently. Can't believe that you can't perceive that women do this.

But this conversation is about babies, and I think we can all agree that Hashem made our daughters perfect in their natural beauty.
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sky




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Dec 19 2018, 9:29 am
Personally I wait

I had my ears repierced as an adult. It hurt! I would never want to do that to a baby.

My girls asked for it when they were around 5-6 and went knowing it was painful but I wasn't doing it to them.

I don’t think the logic of inflicting pain on a baby so they don’t have it when older makes sense. For the girl who is afraid to pierce her ears I feel like how dare she put that pain on a baby if she can’t handle it herself as an adult.

And to the poster above who said it was pinching - imagine if it’s pinching a baby and they can’t even tell you. So they just get used to the pain because they are babies.

When I had my ears pierced a baby was having it done and cried. The mother wanted to know if it hurt me. It did. The lady doing it said it hurts babies less. I just think they can’t complain...

Plus I just think earings detract from a babies pure ness.


Last edited by sky on Wed, Dec 19 2018, 9:32 am; edited 1 time in total
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amother




Dodgerblue


Post  Wed, Dec 19 2018, 9:30 am
Simple1 wrote:
On a practical level, the chances of her regretting it is negligible.


I disagree. I told my DD she could have her ears pierced at Bat Mitzvah age but she chose not to get it done. Some women don’t want their ears to be pierced. I think each person should be able to make the choice vs have it inflicted on them.
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amother




Dodgerblue


Post  Wed, Dec 19 2018, 9:37 am
amother wrote:
Amother turquoise, I didnt say women are required to wear earrings. But there's a reason majority women in the world wear earrings, let's not kid ourselves. Every women looks better with earrings on. Do you really go to weddings and simchos without earrings?


Excuse me, this is a complete generalization. Not every woman wants their ears pierced or necessarily looks better without earrings. Yes, I really go to weddings and Simchas without earrings. And I look FABULOUS darling. Good grief, are you really that superficial!?

But OP’s post is about babies not women and yes babies IMHO should also be allowed to go to Simchas and weddings as Hashem made them, without holes in ears.
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Chayalle




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Dec 19 2018, 9:49 am
BasMelech120 wrote:
THIS.

A newborn baby cannot give you consent. As the child gets a little older, she can tell you whether she would like or not like to have her ears pierced, and you are sending the subtle AND direct message that her body is hers and that she and only she makes decisions about the changes she'd like to make on her body.


In some communities, this really is a non-issue.

I give a much stronger message to my girls about their bodies being theirs when I talk to them about what no one is allowed to do to them, and I reinforce this message by never requiring them to submit themselves to anyone else for that person's gratification. For example, I never force my girls to give great-aunt tzeitel or great-uncle getzel a kiss or a hug if they don't want to, because THAT gives them the wrong message about who is allowed access to them.

But earrings, to me, in my community, is a non-issue, and my girls as grownups agree with me.
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simcha2




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Dec 19 2018, 9:56 am
Chayalle wrote:
In some communities, this really is a non-issue.

I give a much stronger message to my girls about their bodies being theirs when I talk to them about what no one is allowed to do to them, and I reinforce this message by never requiring them to submit themselves to anyone else for that person's gratification. For example, I never force my girls to give great-aunt tzeitel or great-uncle getzel a kiss or a hug if they don't want to, because THAT gives them the wrong message about who is allowed access to them.

But earrings, to me, in my community, is a non-issue, and my girls as grownups agree with me.


Logically the earrings are for your gratification. It's ok to say "I like my infant girls to have their ears pierced" (even though I personally don't think it is), but you also have to recognize that it is taking away some of their bodily autonomy. You may think it's a worthwhile payoff, but you can't say it isn't making a permanent decision about their body without their consent.
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amother




Magenta


Post  Wed, Dec 19 2018, 10:02 am
Simcha2, they're babies and they can give consent for anything! Thats why we're their mom and we take care of their needs. If a girl decides late on that she does not want earrings, she can always decide not to wear them and the hole will close up. Piercing is not permanent.
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simcha2




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Dec 19 2018, 10:05 am
amother wrote:
Simcha2, they're babies and they can give consent for anything! Thats why we're their mom and we take care of their needs. If a girl decides late on that she does not want earrings, she can always decide not to wear them and the hole will close up. Piercing is not permanent.


But it's not a need. It's a want on the part of the mother.

And closed holes leave scars.
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