Torn about piercing baby's ears

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Infants

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Chayalle

Wed, Dec 19 2018, 11:42 am

simcha2 wrote:

If you didn't like how earrings looked on infants or young girls, would you still take them on the assumption that they will likely want them?

Very hard to know what I would do if I didn't like them, since I'm fine with them.

My reasons for piercing my girls' ears as newborns are:

1. I like the way it looks
2. I was 99.99% sure my girls would want them. I think I am doing them a favor doing it for them. They won't be afraid, they won't have to beg for it, etc...
3. I don't think it will impact their respect of their own bodies, any more than the 1000 other decisions I make as a mother on their behalf. I see no evidence that it has affected them negatively.
4. I find that the pain seems negligible for them. We can't know, because they can't tell us, but my personal experience was that my girls cried more every time I changed their diapers.
5. I had my own experience with same to fall back on - never was upset at my mother for piercing my ears, don't feel she did something to my body I didn't want, etc...
6. After following the instructions for sterilizing their ears every day with a dab of a solution given to me, none of my girls had any issues with infections, etc...

I'm sure I left out some reasons, but these were enough for me.

amother

Wine

Wed, Dec 19 2018, 11:45 am

amother wrote:

Simcha2, we can do with our babies as we see fit, we dont need their consent on anything. They depend on us for life. Earrings dont scar girls for life and they're not dangerous.

So is piercing her ears your reward for taking care of her?

Wed, Dec 19 2018, 11:51 am

amother wrote:

So is piercing her eyes your reward for taking care of her?

I really, really hope this is a typo.

amother

Wine

Wed, Dec 19 2018, 11:52 am

cm wrote:

I really, really hope this is a typo.

Yup...

amother

Magenta

Wed, Dec 19 2018, 11:52 am

Wine, no one is piercing anyones eyes God hope.
And where does reward come in here??? Piercing her ears is part of taking care of her.

momsrus

Wed, Dec 19 2018, 11:54 am

newborn earrings need way less care than older kids earrings

amother

Copper

Wed, Dec 19 2018, 12:12 pm

I totally agree with SuperWify on this. I believe those saying about changes to the body and it’s messages are way overthinking it. Earrings are so normal.

My mother made me wait until I was bas mitzvah. The pain was negligible but I was always embarrassed and felt like a baby that I was the only one of my friends without earrings. I felt really silly in my tiny baby sized earrings at 12 years old. I was embarrassed by the comments. They felt condescending.

I pierced my daughter’s ears at 5 months. I have absolutely no regrets. She cried for a few seconds and that was it. She looks dainty and adorable.

Anonymous because I’m very outspoken about this.

amother

Wine

Wed, Dec 19 2018, 12:15 pm

amother wrote:

Wine, no one is piercing anyones eyes God hope.
And where does reward come in here??? Piercing her ears is part of taking care of her.

I fixed my typo.

I think the bolded is point of contention. I don't think ear piercing is part of 'care'.

imasoftov

Wed, Dec 19 2018, 12:16 pm

Chayalle wrote:

I had earrings for my kiddush

I understand each word but not how they form a sentence.

imasoftov

Wed, Dec 19 2018, 12:17 pm

amother wrote:

Belong to have earrings? Huh?

I'm not even sure what she was trying to say.

SixOfWands

Wed, Dec 19 2018, 12:22 pm

amother wrote:

Simcha2, we can do with our babies as we see fit, we dont need their consent on anything. They depend on us for life. Earrings dont scar girls for life and they're not dangerous.

(1) Earrings do scar for life. I have 3 holes in each ear. I allowed the 3rd hole to close decades ago; its still clearly visible. There's also a risk of keloids.

(2) You cannot do whatever you see fit with your baby. 4 in 10 adults have a tattoo, and the numbers are increasing. But its still illegal to tattoo anyone under the age of 18, even with parental permission (in NY -- other states may vary). You can't decide not to educate your child. You can't decide that your child is old enough to stay home alone at age 5.

amother

Magenta

Wed, Dec 19 2018, 12:26 pm

Omg some of you make it sound like we're butchering our babies by piercing their ears. We can comfortably assume that 99% of girls will want their ears pierced and will be happy that it was done when they where a baby.

amother

Wine

Wed, Dec 19 2018, 12:31 pm

amother wrote:

Read "we" as "I". You are your own person. make your own choices.

bunchagirlies

Wed, Dec 19 2018, 12:33 pm

my mother didn't pierce mine and my sister's ears until we asked for it. I was 8. I was TERRIFIED, and although it doesnt happen by everyone, my ears kept getting infected, and needed to be repierced at least twice more. Infection is WAY more common in older kids.
I always promised myself that my baby girls will get earrings as young as possible. I did it for all my girls before 2 months old, and I've never regretted it. 2 of them just gave a little yelp by each pierce, without continuing to cry at all.

simcha2

Wed, Dec 19 2018, 12:34 pm

Chayalle wrote:

They're all reasonable reasons. I personally think that teaching and showing my daughter that she had bodily autonomy, and she is beautiful just as Hashem made her override those reasons. You don't have to make the same calculation, but I think denying that those are also valid considerations "because everyone does it, she'll probably want and it's cute" is not logical.

flowerpower

Wed, Dec 19 2018, 12:36 pm

I don’t see why anyone gets riled up about others piecing their babys ears. You do what you want and we do what we want!!!! To each their own!!!! My kids never had an issue with me piercing their ears “without permission”. If anything they thank me for doing it before they remember the pain. We choose earrings together when they need a new pair. It’s a special occasion. The same or even more special than taking your 12 year old to get her ears pierced.

Sebastian

Wed, Dec 19 2018, 12:38 pm

simcha2 wrote:

Frequently. Can't believe that you can't perceive that women do this.

But this conversation is about babies, and I think we can all agree that Hashem made our daughters perfect in their natural beauty.

ditto. I have sensitive ears and rarely wear earings.

SixOfWands

Wed, Dec 19 2018, 12:40 pm

amother wrote:

Since 10% to 20% of women don't have their ears pierced, we can safely assume that your statistic is wrong.

Nor do we know how many women have pierced ears, but don't wear earrings. I know several.

amother

Saddlebrown

Wed, Dec 19 2018, 12:43 pm

I have pierced ears and I love wearing earrings but I would never pierce a baby's ears. I got my ears pierced at age 10 by choice and I wasn't traumatized. At that age I was able to take care of the hygiene myself and it was enough before my bat mitzvah that I was able to wear more sophisticated earrings by then.

My oldest daughter is currently 10 and I offered to take her to get her ears pierced but she has absolutely no interest. The only "jewelry" she wears regularly is a watch, more for practical reasons then for adornment. She's more of a sporty kid then a girly girl and I would never force her to put holes in her body for the sake of beauty. If she changes her mind when she's older then I will happily take her. My next daughter is still young but she's far more into dress up and I think she'll want to get her ears pierced. That's fine with me as long as she's old enough to take care of them herself so I won't even offer for a few more years.

I really don't understand the point of view that a baby isn't really a girl until she has her ears pierced. If that were the case then girls would be born with holes in their ears. I think all jewelry on babies just looks silly and I think it's more a reflection on the mothers who seem to treat them like dolls. I'm far more interested that my babies wear comfortable clothing than stylish. I don't go for huge headbands bigger than girl's heads either.

amother

Wine

Wed, Dec 19 2018, 12:49 pm

SixOfWands wrote:

Since 10% to 20% of women don't have their ears pierced, we can safely assume that your statistic is wrong.

Nor do we know how many women have pierced ears, but don't wear earrings. I know several.

I think the "we" here is a specific community where ear piercing rates are 99%. Built in assumption that girls will stay in this specific community when they are adults, and community norms never change.

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