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Ds is too scared to be trained

 
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amother




Cerulean


Post  Wed, Dec 19 2018, 12:34 pm
I started toilet training my son when he was 2.7 years old. he did great for 3 days, getting there, then he had a number #2 accident while trying to get to the potty and it went everywhere. He is traumatized by the mess he caused and is afraid to try again. I let it go for a couple months, put him back in diapers, and tried again. he refused to make in the potty, not even number 1.
I let it go again, and tried again after a few months, and again he is too afraid to go.

He is now 3 and not trained at all, refuses to try, and is too scared to try.

What should I do?
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mha3484




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Dec 19 2018, 12:40 pm
I have a child like this but its part of an overall personality of being more anxious. He took a year to go down the slide for example. He needs a lot of time and no pressure to come to these things on his own. It took a while to accept but its just how he is wired.

I found with the toilet that any pressure backfired. When I said nothing just let him be, he started showing interest. If I ever said do you need the potty the answer was a screaming no, running away and yelling potty is gross. I just had to let him do it on his own time. It took FOREVER but he was trained just before he turned 4.

I think 3 is very young for a little boy and I would shelve it for 4-6 months unless he specifically shows interest. My older child was potty trained at around 2 1/2 so it took a big mental adjustment to get used to the idea that this kid may need a lot more time and its okay.
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amother




Oak


Post  Wed, Dec 19 2018, 12:45 pm
Just wait. He's still very young.
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Rutabaga




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Dec 19 2018, 12:48 pm
Buy or borrow this book:

https://m.barnesandnoble.com/p.....1QQAvD_BwE
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amother




Cerulean


Post  Wed, Dec 19 2018, 2:00 pm
mha3484 wrote:
I have a child like this but its part of an overall personality of being more anxious. He took a year to go down the slide for example. He needs a lot of time and no pressure to come to these things on his own. It took a while to accept but its just how he is wired.

I found with the toilet that any pressure backfired. When I said nothing just let him be, he started showing interest. If I ever said do you need the potty the answer was a screaming no, running away and yelling potty is gross. I just had to let him do it on his own time. It took FOREVER but he was trained just before he turned 4.

I think 3 is very young for a little boy and I would shelve it for 4-6 months unless he specifically shows interest. My older child was potty trained at around 2 1/2 so it took a big mental adjustment to get used to the idea that this kid may need a lot more time and its okay.

Thank you for this. My ds does have an overall anxious personality too. So everything you wrote resonated strongly with me. Telling me he was trained at 4 is making me realize that I need a huge mental adjustment. None of my kids went past 3.
Do you mind sharing what worked and what helped? He’s in school and all his friends are trained. I don’t know what to say to his teachers. I don’t think I can let him wait so long.
If I took off his diaper all day and didn’t say anything about needing to make so no pressure do you think he would choose to go to the potty instead of making on the floor? He knows what to do. He did it for 3 days.
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pesek zman




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Dec 19 2018, 2:03 pm
Wait. I waited till my daughter was super easy (almost 3.5) and she never had an accident, day or night. Went from diapers to panties. Wait
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amother




Mistyrose


Post  Wed, Dec 19 2018, 2:07 pm
amother wrote:
Thank you for this. My ds does have an overall anxious personality too. So everything you wrote resonated strongly with me. Telling me he was trained at 4 is making me realize that I need a huge mental adjustment. None of my kids went past 3.
Do you mind sharing what worked and what helped? He’s in school and all his friends are trained. I don’t know what to say to his teachers. I don’t think I can let him wait so long.
If I took off his diaper all day and didn’t say anything about needing to make so no pressure do you think he would choose to go to the potty instead of making on the floor? He knows what to do. He did it for 3 days.


Some of my kids have overall anxious personalities too and are afraid to release. I actually found that training them younger worked better, as they got older they got more anxious.
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amother




Beige


Post  Wed, Dec 19 2018, 2:26 pm
I am struggling with my 4 yr old with this and I think its anxiety-related. I wish I wouldn't have waited because its just even harder.
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Miri7




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Dec 19 2018, 2:36 pm
Have you tried pull ups? That way any accidents end up in a diaper like thing And there is less pressure.

I disagree that 3 is too young for most boys. Though each kid is different.
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amother




Gray


Post  Wed, Dec 19 2018, 3:28 pm
If you will wait, you may miss the boat and it might be even harder. If your child see's that you keep giving up, he'll take advantage of you and not be interested. Be persistent and dont give up, even if he makes all over the place for a week. [quote]
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oneofakind




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Dec 19 2018, 5:21 pm
I would sit down and tell him a story (use a puppet or draw pictures) of a boy who was toilet trained for a few days and so proud until one day he had an accident and he was so scared and embarrassed. But the mommy wasn't upset because accidents happen and he was still learning and mistakes are ok etc etc. The more detail the better. Then leave the topic alone. I n the meantime, I'd point my mistakes and it's ok and messes are ok.

My son who is delayed decided when he was 4 that he wants to be trained and he was trained in 2 or 3 days and never had accident. At age 7, we mutually agreed he will not wear a pull up at night and he didn't and never had an accident.

I'm a big believer in following the child's lead-nobody ever walked down to the chupa in diapers but there are a lot of kids having accidents and issues with toileting.
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amother




Puce


Post  Wed, Dec 19 2018, 5:32 pm
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DHewizTGOjo
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