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Forum
-> Household Management
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amother
Royalblue
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 Thu, Dec 20 2018, 11:24 pm
Why can’t we successfully implement rules to lower the costs of weddings.
Simple example: instead of receiving so much jewelry, the Kallah should get a bracelet and a ring. Or instead of buying a silver menorah, start off with a cheaper kind. There are so many expenses that don’t begin to make sense but we do them because that’s how things work.
How do we stop this cycle.
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yersp
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Thu, Dec 20 2018, 11:58 pm
I absolutely agree with you, however, I think you should move this thread to the chassidishe velt.
The predictor for future behavior is past relevant behavior and I can see how this thread will get out of control.
Best wishes for normal respectful responses
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Aylat
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Fri, Dec 21 2018, 2:27 am
"Be the change you wish to see in the world."
-Gandhi
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pesek zman
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Fri, Dec 21 2018, 5:36 am
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Interestingly you’re not referring to wedding Costs with your examples, but rather the requisite gifts
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Cmon be nice
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Fri, Dec 21 2018, 6:44 am
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Some chassidic groups have already instituted rules for these kind of things
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Amelia Bedelia
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Fri, Dec 21 2018, 7:33 am
| pesek zman wrote: | | Interestingly you’re not referring to wedding Costs with your examples, but rather the requisite gifts |
This. In my experience, in certain non-chassidic circles, the wedding itself is way more lavish than the typical chassidish wedding. Pre-wedding gifts are another story.
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amother
Rose
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Fri, Dec 21 2018, 7:43 am
The wedding itself, chassidish weddings are cheaper than non chassidish.
Satmer has implemented takanos and if you want to use their halls you must abide to the takanos.
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watergirl
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Fri, Dec 21 2018, 7:46 am
| amother wrote: | The wedding itself, chassidish weddings are cheaper than non chassidish.
Satmer has implemented takanos and if you want to use their halls you must abide to the takanos. |
I alwsys wondered about this. Are people 100% of the time so honest that they dont cheat when no one is looking? Who would know if a gift is given that isnt part of the takanos?
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amother
Rose
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Fri, Dec 21 2018, 7:49 am
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I dont know how they know, but if they do find out, they have to pay a heavy knas.
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crust
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Fri, Dec 21 2018, 8:04 am
| watergirl wrote: | | I alwsys wondered about this. Are people 100% of the time so honest that they dont cheat when no one is looking? Who would know if a gift is given that isnt part of the takanos? |
As with any good thing, I assume its everyone's choice if they want to make good use of it.
I was recently at a wedding in one of the takanos halls. You can't really fool that one.
There is a DJ system with prerecorded music so no musician and no singer (the DJ was horrible. I personally love nice music so I think its a real sacrifice to not have that)
Photographer is only (amateurs) through them (this wedding didn't even have the photographer)
Only a regular meal no shmorg etc.
I'm not sure a person that makes such a wedding is very interested in fooling the system by giving more gifts etc than absolutely needed.
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crust
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Fri, Dec 21 2018, 8:06 am
| amother wrote: | | I dont know how they know, but if they do find out, they have to pay a heavy knas. |
I never knew this. Do you mind to explain? If who finds out what? Which chassidus?
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amother
Rose
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Fri, Dec 21 2018, 8:10 am
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These are tekanos by satmer. Every hall has takanos, if you want to use their hall you must follow the tekanos. I guess if the hall manager finds out that you're not following, you get a knas.
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watergirl
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Fri, Dec 21 2018, 8:11 am
| crust wrote: | As with any good thing, I assume its everyone's choice if they want to make good use of it.
I was recently at a wedding in one of the takanos halls. You can't really fool that one.
There is a DJ system with prerecorded music so no musician and no singer (the DJ was horrible. I personally love nice music so I think its a real sacrifice to not have that)
Photographer is only (amateurs) through them (this wedding didn't even have the photographer)
Only a regular meal no shmorg etc.
I'm not sure a person that makes such a wedding is very interested in fooling the system by giving more gifts etc than absolutely needed. |
But who would know if gifts were given that arent on the takana list?
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Ruchel
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Fri, Dec 21 2018, 8:12 am
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Many many many cheap ones, including with takkanos I personally don't see how people keep, but bh they do.
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amother
Pink
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Fri, Dec 21 2018, 8:26 am
We made a takana wedding. Not chassidish. If we were to use real flowers, we would need tp pay an extra $1000 to the hall on top of the florist.
We were happy to use the silk.
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amother
Smokey
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Fri, Dec 21 2018, 9:43 am
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I don't know if it's by all chassidim, or certain ones, but by rebbish families, the kallah wears a headpice type of thing that costs 1,000+ just for weddng night!!! I cannot understand how people afford that.
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Tzutzie
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Fri, Dec 21 2018, 10:12 am
| amother wrote: | | These are tekanos by satmer. Every hall has takanos, if you want to use their hall you must follow the tekanos. I guess if the hall manager finds out that you're not following, you get a knas. |
This is only for the wedding itself.
Like if it ends past a certain time it's 1k every half hour
My parents, who were already retired, married off 3 children in a 1.5 year span. 2 dangers and a son. And followed the tekanos to the letter. And they didn't go into debt.
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Chayalle
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Fri, Dec 21 2018, 10:13 am
| Tzutzie wrote: | This is only for the wedding itself.
Like if it ends past a certain time it's 1k every half hour
My parents, who were already retired, married off 3 children in a 1.5 year span. 2 dangers and a son. And followed the tekanos to the letter. And they didn't go into debt. |
LOL
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amother
Amber
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Fri, Dec 21 2018, 10:25 am
| amother wrote: | | I don't know if it's by all chassidim, or certain ones, but by rebbish families, the kallah wears a headpice type of thing that costs 1,000+ just for weddng night!!! I cannot understand how people afford that. |
Yeah. I’m chasidish and NEVER heard of it. Mine came with the gown. It costed $0.00. Nice try 
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Tzutzie
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Fri, Dec 21 2018, 10:28 am
| crust wrote: | | As with any good thing, I assume its everyone's choice if they want to make good use of it. |
This this this.
I was having this argument with my sister. Satmar is revisiting the whole tekanos thing and wants to revise it. Like a max to pay for dresses and stuff like that.
I was really upset about that.
For people who want to spend more, they will anyway find a way to trow money at weddings, Sheva bruchas bar mitzvah, bris, upsheren, kiddush.... whatever.
(My nieces parents made an extravagant ladies kiddush for her first granddaughter.
She bought $250 flowers and put a note onto it as if my nephew baught it. My assumption is it costed at least 20k. It was beyond lavish and elaborate. I have never before seen anything like it. It looked like the 5M$ wedding pictures you see on Instagram. Some poeple are crazy)
For myself, I'd like to spend more on certain things and less on others. I do not need someone to tell me where I can spend this amount of $$ and that amount of $$.
Someone likes nice dresses, others flowers and a third likes live music.
Stupid poeple will be stupid.
You can't feed someone 'seichel'
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