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-> Household Management
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amother
Khaki
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 Mon, Dec 24 2018, 1:37 am
| amother wrote: | | Why will the furniture be redundant? The linens are enough to last decades if my linens are anything to go by. I see new streimals, etc for the father in laws built into the the tzedukah money for the new couple. Let's not forget clothes for the siblings and gifts for the siblings. |
Its actually redundant from the start. It doesn't fit into the tiny cramped basements/apartments of their first homes, and very often does not work with the layout of the second homes.
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imasoftov
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Mon, Dec 24 2018, 3:40 am
| amother wrote: | | I am trying to wrap my head around young people with limited means and earning prospects starting out life with $2200 sheets - what does that consist of. |
Same here. We could spend that sort of money on linens but I don't think I'd know where to buy them at for that price. If I wanted to splurge, what would that $$ buy us that we wouldn't get from some other kind of linen?
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imasoftov
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Mon, Dec 24 2018, 3:49 am
| Amarante wrote: | | ... in order to not lose face within the community ... |
I'm sure Chassidus has something relevant to say about this, could someone who has more on their shelves than just the second half of Buber's "Tales of the Hasidim" and Singer's "In My Father's Court" help me out?
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amother
Blush
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Mon, Dec 24 2018, 4:06 am
I wonder if the $2200 linen was just linen or also down filled blankets. Because those can add up.
Not that a young couple needs 5 of the finer down blankets either.
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London wife
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Mon, Dec 24 2018, 4:09 am
There are people that are very wealthy, there are people that are comfortable and there are people that are struggling.
Its about time that everyone, whether they're Chassidish, Yeshivish, or Lubavitch, should stop living up to the Joneses.
If you're able, then buy, spend. People are relying on you for parnossa. If you cant - DONT!!! No-one will like you any more and you'll be left with a lifetime of struggling.
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Amarante
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Mon, Dec 24 2018, 12:41 pm
| imasoftov wrote: | | Same here. We could spend that sort of money on linens but I don't think I'd know where to buy them at for that price. If I wanted to splurge, what would that $$ buy us that we wouldn't get from some other kind of linen? |
Not to hijack but I am in the midst of getting new bed stuff for my new bed and so I have been checking out various types of sheets and bed coverings. Since I have plenty of sheets, I am not in a huge hurry to replace as I am replacing them more for aesthetics and not because I "need' them.
From my wanderings, higher cost is related to materials used and style/brand.
In terms of materials used, some people want actual linen or silk sheets and a set of high quality linen or silk sheets is expensive - let's say $400 to $500. I have no interest in real silk or linen sheets so I just looked at those when I was window shopping on the internet 
The other really expensive stuff was very high end from designers and those can be breathtakingly expensive - you can easily get into the $1000 and up range with sheets - perhaps a few sham covers and maybe a duvet. If you want a quilt/comforter of some kind from these lines, those can be extraordinarily expensive - they are sometimes filled with silk - the part you see can be silk, velvet or some other beautiful material. If you check out home stuff on the Neimans or Bloomingdales websites or someother branded places like Missoni, you can see these. You are not paying for quality when you buy stuff in this price range anymore than you are paying for quality when you spend $1500 for a pair of Louboutin shoes. In other words, there are quality shoes in the middle range which are better than $30 shoes and there are high quality sheet sets that aren't $1000 :-) but aren't scratchy low quality bargain basement sheet sets.
As an aside, I am tempted by some of the throws, pillows and other bed decor from Anthropologie.com. Not cheap but not in the $1000 range either :-).
I just wanted to add that there are very high quality cotton sheets in the middle range - don't get tricked by high thread counts because that is not an indication of high quality per se. From my research, it's the length of the cotton thread which is an indicia of quality so you can have poor quality sheets using short threads with a deceptively high thread count. From my research, it was recommended to look for Puma or Egyptian cotton as these are kinds of cotton which have long threads and generally sheets made using this type of cotton will be higher quality. I did find some relatively inexpensive manmade sheets which I liked because they have a cozy kind of soft feel immediately and they also come in a wide range of colors. I also liked that I could just get exactly what I need because I don't use top sheets and also want pillow cases in different sizes.
https://www.peachskinsheets.com
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dancingqueen
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Mon, Dec 24 2018, 1:53 pm
| sky wrote: | | I recently went to a linen store for my bedroom. The first set she showed me was $400+ (I didn’t even like it). She was like all the kallah are getting this. I was just think of the poor mother of the bride being told this in front of her daughter. And then they must buy the most drab no color or personality linen that costs a small fortune because everyone else somehow does (plus a few added throw pillows and monogramming- when I didn’t like it she started showing it me with lots of addons). When I didn’t like that they showed me s $600+ set. How is this even normal? |
Do people in more RW neighborhoods not go to target?
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watergirl
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Mon, Dec 24 2018, 2:04 pm
| dancingqueen wrote: | | Do people in more RW neighborhoods not go to target? |
No because they buy these 48 inch beds so the only place where they can get linens for it is at the heimish store.
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LuckyMum
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Mon, Dec 24 2018, 2:20 pm
| dancingqueen wrote: | | Do people in more RW neighborhoods not go to target? |
No, because they dont drive and generally shop in local stores that they can easily get to and shlep the heavy stuff home from...
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amother
cornflower
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Mon, Dec 24 2018, 4:11 pm
| amother wrote: | | Its actually redundant from the start. It doesn't fit into the tiny cramped basements/apartments of their first homes, and very often does not work with the layout of the second homes. |
The apartments are built to hold the furniture. Just as the Jewish apartments are constructed to have sukkahs, they construct the bedrooms to hold two beds and a night table. The dining rooms hold the dining room furniture. In my circles, the furniture fits.
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amother
cornflower
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Mon, Dec 24 2018, 4:17 pm
| amother wrote: | I wonder if the $2200 linen was just linen or also down filled blankets. Because those can add up.
Not that a young couple needs 5 of the finer down blankets either. |
I already said it was not blankets. It was strictly fitted sheets, pillow cases, shams, bed skirts, and duvets. The throw pillows were a gift. Every master bedroom in our close circle has gorgeous bed linens.
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qwerty4
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Mon, Dec 24 2018, 5:21 pm
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Monthly support is far less prevalent in our circles, even when the husband is in kollel. The wife works and together they figure out how to cover their expenses.
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amother
Lavender
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Tue, Dec 25 2018, 9:50 am
The chassidus we belong to, actually gathered everyone together and not only did the make takanos, but rather it's not even looked at as takanos. They made a deal with a wedding mall that everyone from this chassidus pays less than when anyone else shops there. Also, they said to do away with a vort/tenoyim. And they also said to do away with watches. To make it easier for people to marry off, they're even offering rewards as in $ for doing away with these things.. they also made a package of a photographer, musician, singer and artificial flowers.
And now op, as others have posted the actual wedding itself isn't as expensive as the non chassidish. Most non chassidish have full bands as opposed to a 1 man band. Same goes for flowers. Why spend thousands on flowers when you can have magnificent artificial flowers for much less? I, personally would rather want my children to get nicer furniture, linen.... than have sucha extravagant wedding.
ETA, I haven't read all the responses yet, so sorry if something is repetitive of someone's post.
ETA there's more incentives too, this is just a brief list.
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amother
Rose
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Tue, Dec 25 2018, 10:03 am
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I think that in the modern crowd a Bar Mitzva costs more than a chassidish wedding.
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amother
cornflower
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Tue, Dec 25 2018, 10:15 am
| amother wrote: | The chassidus we belong to, actually gathered everyone together and not only did the make takanos, but rather it's not even looked at as takanos. They made a deal with a wedding mall that everyone from this chassidus pays less than when anyone else shops there. Also, they said to do away with a vort/tenoyim. And they also said to do away with watches. To make it easier for people to marry off, they're even offering rewards as in $ for doing away with these things.. they also made a package of a photographer, musician, singer and artificial flowers.
And now op, as others have posted the actual wedding itself isn't as expensive as the non chassidish. Most non chassidish have full bands as opposed to a 1 man band. Same goes for flowers. Why spend thousands on flowers when you can have magnificent artificial flowers for much less? I, personally would rather want my children to get nicer furniture, linen.... than have sucha extravagant wedding.
ETA, I haven't read all the responses yet, so sorry if something is repetitive of someone's post.
ETA there's more incentives too, this is just a brief list. |
What Chassidish is this?
I don't see what is different if others are getting the same furniture just paying more.
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hotzenplotz
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Tue, Dec 25 2018, 11:03 am
| Amelia Bedelia wrote: | Not all chassidish women wear (or receive) a white tichel. Even fewer wear shirtzelech.
Chassanim also get silver esrog pushke. |
we are chasidish and my daughter got (according to takonos) beautiful jewelry.
the only real piece is the setting of the ring.
My son in law got fake silver pieces except his becher.
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amother
Lilac
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Tue, Dec 25 2018, 11:11 am
| watergirl wrote: | I’ve gone back to read this a few times to see if I am missing something. The tfillin BAG is the gift, and the RT are not bought now, even though (some) chassidim will start to put them on after the wedding, and the actual tfillen are bought later when the couple has the money for it?
I hope I misread.
But incase I got it right, isn't this so backwards? Watches, jewels, silver bechers, esrog boxes, megillas, whatever random silver pieces are given... leather things, Italian furnishings, all given as gifts. But the ONE THING that has a real mesorah and a real purpose and isnt a made up fad of the moment - THAT is bought later when they “can afford it”? The parents support the couple for the first year, right? Then kids come and parents buy all of the baby stuff. Then rent is a ton. When will this time be?
This doesn't seem backwards to anyone? These are the right priorities? To buy jewels, silver, fancy furnishings, and NOT to buy the tfillin? What am I missing? Why are the made up required gifts more important than tfillin? |
Okay, okay, watergirl. You can calm down 
I just checked with DH and here are some comments -
1. The new bag is mostly to accommodate the tallis required for Shachris every day.
2. Most fathers DO buy Rabeinu Taam tefillin for their son but DH's father didn't for some reason. Neither did they spend on most of the things mentioned in this thread, for that matter.
3. Not all chassidim start wearing Rabeinu Taam tefillin right away, there are those that only start after shana rishona.
4. In our case, since it's okay not to start right away, and we didn't have money, DH bought it as soon as reasonably possible, but it's NOT the norm.
5. Even those that don't buy straight away generally buy within the year.
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amother
Lavender
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Tue, Dec 25 2018, 11:20 am
| amother wrote: | What Chassidish is this?
I don't see what is different if others are getting the same furniture just paying more. |
That's exactly the point, to save money!
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amother
cornflower
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Tue, Dec 25 2018, 12:20 pm
| amother wrote: | | That's exactly the point, to save money! |
I don't see how this is fair. Every Chassidish, I know, shops there and supports the store. Why should Vitznitz get a discount above Satmar ?
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amother
Lavender
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Tue, Dec 25 2018, 12:37 pm
[quote="amother"]I don't see how this is fair. Every Chassidish, I know, shops there and supports the store. Why should Vitznitz get a discount above Satmar ?[/quote
If every Chassidus would go and make that deal, believe me they'd succeed
ETA and the discount is to encourage people to go there as opposed to spending so much more money
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