Hosing off p00 in our shower

amother

Mon, Dec 24 2018, 2:15 am

My husband studied in a yeshiva for baalei tshuva and studied alongside a man who he is still in contact with. My husband has invited him to our apartment numerous times with his wife and 2.5 year old son and 9 month old daughter. This couple uses only non-disposable diapers and every single time they come to us (usually on shabbat) their son does a whopping p00 and his father insists on hosing him off in our shower and asking for one of our towels to dry him off afterwards. They always request towels and never bring their own, despite the fact that this is almost to be expected at this stage. I have asked countless times that they use our changing table (we already have had a case of pinworms in the family, at a time when a few family members couldn't take medication to solve it for various reasons). I explained clearly that it's for hygiene reasons and I don't want them to change the child on the small kids sofa among the kids' toys and on their play mat. It's also directly in front of our sforim and according to our rav it's assur to change a dirty diaper in front of sifrei kodesh. They do it anyway, shrugging off my words with statements like "we don't send to kindergardens, so you don't need to worry about worms" etc.

Am I crazy? My husband gets angry at me when I tell him that it bothers me (although if I changed a diaper like this, he would be very annoyed). What should I do?

Last edited by amother on Tue, May 12 2020, 2:42 pm; edited 1 time in total

myname1

Mon, Dec 24 2018, 4:33 am

I'm not sure why all the details were necessary, but if the towel use bothers you, I'd say during the invite, "Please do me a favor and bring a bath towel for when Shimmy needs to be hosed down." And if you see him going to change him in the living room, say "Can you please change him in the other room on the changing table?" If he argues it's not necessary, ask him again nicely, "Can you please change him in there anyway?" If he still refuses and is very stubborn about it, I would not invite them back.

Could be he's watching the baby at the same time, and that's why he'd prefer to stay in that room or something. You can try asking him why and if that's the case, say you'll watch her for the few minutes he'll be gone.

essie14

Mon, Dec 24 2018, 6:12 am

Your house, your rules. When I am in someone's house and I have to change a diaper, I always ask "Where can I change her?" Many times I am told, "Oh right here on the couch is fine". But I myself don't change diapers on my couch nor do I allow guests to. I follow what the host tells me. You can be insistent on where they change when they are in your house. Just be firm.

amother

Cobalt

Mon, Dec 24 2018, 6:42 am

They use ice cold water for their kid in the shower on shabbos?
Pretty amazing that the husband is dealing with the dirty diaper changing...
You should tell your dh to say something to his friend...
.... or just deal with it if you enjoy their company otherwise
... or don’t invite them if you find them to be so annoying

ectomorph

Mon, Dec 24 2018, 7:50 am

We had a guest a couple times whose child apparently regularly peed outside. Very disturbing to me but I just asked them too do it in a less trafficked area.

Toilet training is difficult and I don't judge.

But cut paper towels before shabbos so u won't have to use yours.

Mon, Dec 24 2018, 8:35 am

This reminds me of another "changing diapers on the sofa" thread from a while back. Make sure the guests know that these are house *rules* and not open to debate. The more you give reasons, the more they will explain that your rules do not apply to them. Say it nicely, but as an imperative, not a request

As for the towels, when you invite them, remind them to bring towels for their son.

On a practical note, cover the sofa with a sheet when they visit and have some junky old towels available if they need them. If their visits are too stressful, your husband can continue his relationship with his friend in another way.