Not paying full tuition but have new cars-lavish lifestyle

amother

Pewter

Tue, Dec 25 2018, 6:16 pm

amother wrote:

It does matter, Coral, because if the school is taking in less money than they can/should, it means that there is less to spend on quality teachers and extras, whether that be new computers, perhaps art class, or anything else that can be enriching the education of all students, whether their parents pay full tuition or not. Money is a resource. There is just so much of it out there. And when it is spent on nonsense, there is less of it to be spent on important things.

What may be nonsense to you, may be a necessity for another.

amother

Floralwhite

Tue, Dec 25 2018, 6:17 pm

amother wrote:

My uncle works for one of the tuition committees in a rich School in Queens and they decide whether or not a person to get a tuition break. He said there are some people that live in mansions and yet are on Tomchei shabbos and are asking for huge tuition discounts because they have no money. He explained to me that it's basically like they're living in Golden cages. Their Mansions are in foreclosure. Appearances can be very deceiving

We are not referring to people who get things from other people. We are referring to people who do not pay full tuition and they do spend on themselves. For luxuries.

amother

Amethyst

Tue, Dec 25 2018, 6:32 pm

Stop calculating other peoples bills. If you believe you deserve a break then ask for one.
We have two leases. We don't have the money to put down to own a car. We both work in medicine and don't have the option of not showing up in awful weather. We both need good snow cars. We don't have fancy but we also don't have the cheapest cars because we need cars that can safely get us to work and safely get us home.
We go on vacation using points. Don't tell me to sell them. That's illegal.
My friend got upwards of ten thousand dollars for shaitels from insurance when she had cancer. If you don't know she had cancer you'd be envious of her new wigs.
People have rich parents who want to spend yom tov with them at hotels and pay for them. They are not offering them that money. They are paying for themselves to have quality time with their children and grandchildren. Having rich parents doesn't mean they are offering to pay your tuition.
Go drive yourself crazy. It's not going to change anything so you may as well not think about it.
One person upthread did make a good point. Counting savings is unfair--we don't own a house. I shouldn't lose ability to buy a house because I try to be frugal and save. If I have 100k in savings for a down payment why should I lose that if they aren't asking someone else to sell their house to pay tuition? But I can't change the system and focusing on it and whining about it will just make me more miserable.

amother

Sienna

Tue, Dec 25 2018, 6:43 pm

These threads are so stupid. You have no idea who gets a break or why or who pays the hotel bill or the car lease.

Aside from that, everyone has different priorities. I drive a 15 year old car and have broken second hand furniture and a house that needs major renovations. On the other hand I chose to take my children to Israel to visit their grandparents who never met them and are very old. Some of you are going to call that cheating the system. I call it being an adult and deciding that tuition is not the only priority in my life. My children need to meet their grandparents at least once before they pass and I don't think I owe you an explanation. If the tuition committee has a problem with it they will work it out with me not you.

amother

Babyblue

Tue, Dec 25 2018, 6:47 pm

amother wrote:

The problem is not the people, the problem is the schools.
As long as schools tuition programs are set up in a way that they dont consider how much income you have as much as they look at how much "savings" you have, this basically encourages people to live whatever lifestyle they like, and then get tuition breaks because therea not enough money left over.

I was talking about this with a friend-she and her husband make double our income but they get tuition breaks and we dont. Because they bought an 800,000k house and have a much bigger mortgage than our 450k house. They both lease new infinitis, while we drive old cars that break frequently, I buy a 1000k shaitel every 6 years, she buys 2 shaitels of 3k each every 4 years. Etc etc.

It's really not rocket science. Tuition board flat out told us, if we see significant money, we take it for tuition-forget about responsible saving for the future, bar mitzvahs, wedding, nada. Us being frugal just slaps us in the face. My friend who spends all her money just might have the right idea...

Theyre basically incentivising people to spend money irresponsibly and not save. Why not...

I agree with this. You are incentivised to have a big mortgage. But remember they are saving because they are increasing their equity in their house, and the house is increasing in value.

It's the ones smart enough to beat the system that are benefiting. We had a neighbor that couldn't believe we didn't lie on our tuition application.

You can't DKLZ everyone. It turns it into an entitlement system. BH there are normal frum people who just want to go to Florida for Pesach because they want to go. They are not broken people who will end up in the insane asylum without their vacation.

I sent to a school where the parking lot was filled with luxury cars and 3/4 of the parents had a tuition break. The CFO said half of my tuition dollars covered my child. The other half covered other people's children. It was schnooks like me that subsidized their lifestyles.

So don't tell me it is not my business.

thunderstorm

Tue, Dec 25 2018, 6:48 pm

amother wrote:

thunderstorm- you are very sweet but your sibling made his choice, they CHOOSE to be part of a more affluent crowd and feel the need to live up to the jones, no one is making them.

You may be right that it's their choice and their own pressure. However they do go to a hotel for Pesach , but they go free of charge, as my brother is a volunteer there (not giving details). My SIL owns 7 sheitels and I heard she really wanted to get a new one for the Simcha. I thought that was insane. Then she explained that every sheitel she has was either from a consignment shop that she paid pennies for, she received 3 gorgeous ones almost brand new free of charge from my sisters friend who stopped covering her hair and gave them away. She said that she spent $300 on her last sheitel on clearance . She also wears a mink coat that she purchased for $30 at a thrift store, she also bought a bugaboo stroller from a thrift store for $25. Her kids all wear designer clothes because they receive it as hand me Downs from a wealthy close friend who constantly gives away clothes. To most people out there they look like fancy people spending money on things they can't afford. They look and dress like they could afford full tuition....but looks can be deceiving.

amother

Lilac

Tue, Dec 25 2018, 7:20 pm

amother wrote:

The schools that are responsible will check to make sure that people who ask for tuition breaks are not going to hotels, expensive vacations, making lavish simchas etc.. My problem is that even the schools my kids went to did not go far enough. There were still many "minor" expenses that shouldn't have been allowed, and that add up but were treated as - well those are things that everyone is entitled to. Which is ridiculous, because in the end, if you are asking for a tuition break, someone else is paying for that small vacation, summer camp, more than basic kiddush, etc..

There is only a certain amount of tzedaka to go around. When people give money to families where the husband sits and learns instead of working, or for lavish gifts (such as the 2K linens we're all reading about) then there is less money to give to people who truly need and deserve our tzedaka (like the BT who cannot make a wedding because her parents cut her off. I am not connected to this situation, but I hope it would be apparent to people that some people who ask are deserving and some are not.)

THIS! My sister and I were both cut off from our parents. Haven't spoken in years since we became frum. My sister got married young and they had no money. They borrowed 5 k from friends to have a wedding. I worked for years before I started shidduchim so I wouldn't be in this situation. And then I read about people asking for 2 k linens. Makes me sick.

amother

Lilac

Tue, Dec 25 2018, 7:22 pm

thunderstorm wrote:

A bugaboo for 25 dollars? I think you're naive to believe her. You can buy a used bugaboo canopy for 25$. A used bugaboo that's 10 years old still sells for more than 200.

Besides, she could sell 6 of the sheitels, the expensive clothes and buy used clothes that are cheaper and cover tuition with the difference. Who needs 7 sheitels? Even if they are all a gift. It's a want not a need and it's ridiculous

amother

Lilac

Tue, Dec 25 2018, 7:31 pm

amother wrote:

Why did the school allow this to happen? Were they blind? Did they not see the car? Did they not ask for income tax reports?

amother

Babyblue

Tue, Dec 25 2018, 7:35 pm

amother wrote:

I was very clear on the other thread that I didn't ask for the linens. I didn't even know expensive linens were a thing for new couples until I was taken shopping for them. Let's not alter what happened.

I don't know that anyone who asked for $2000 linens. Do you?

Are you the poster that complained about the community marrying me off on the other thread? Let's be clear that people can do whatever they want with their money.

Please tell me what linens have to do with school tuition? Your jealousy is sickening.

amother

Mint

Tue, Dec 25 2018, 7:38 pm

amother wrote:

By the way, I should add, not only am I paying full tuition while she gets a break, but BECAUSE of all the people like her who spend to the max and then are eligible for breaks, I have to pay EXTRA. Yes thats right. My husband asked the tuotion board exactly how much it cost them for my child's education-the ammount came out to 2-3k LESS than our quoted tuition. Because, they explain, that covers for all the people getting breaks.

Wrap your mind around that.

I reuse my disposable dishes, dont ever have a cleaning lady though Hashem knows I need one, wear old ichy shaitels, drive old cars that break frequently, dress my children in 90% handmedowns, etc etc. I then have a little bit left over-that I would love to put aside for my kids bar mitzvahs, weddings, or maybe even a trip to miami here and there.

But my friend, who makes DOUBLE MY INCOME, acknowledged to me that she spends all her money on weekly manicures and leasing infinitis, buying a hugongous house with a hugongous mortgage, buying very expensive clothing for herself, as well as her kids (thing $300 per childs shababos outfit type)....she just blows all her money on whatever tickles her fancy.

Then, I PAY EXTRA TUITION, to cover the cost of her kids!!! Because I have the nerve to be careful with my money!! So yes, it is my business. Very much so.

What incentive do I now have to be careful with spending? None.

This is the message being sent to the new generation. Either spend like crazy, or lie about what youve saved. Terrific.

amother

Mint

Tue, Dec 25 2018, 7:42 pm

amother wrote:

Why did the school allow this to happen? Were they blind? Did they not see the car? Did they not ask for income tax reports?

You dont understand. Most schools do NOT care about the income, they care about how much money you have left after expenses.

So the higher someones expenses are, usually, the more of a break they will get....because they have no more money left over.
They do NOT charge more tuition for living lavishly. They charge more tuition if you have any extra money lying around.

When I complained about this to the tuition board-do you know what they had the nerve to say??? They said, "so lease a car."

Excuse me? Now youre telling me how to spend the leftover money I have?