Not paying full tuition but have new cars-lavish lifestyle

amother

Lilac

Tue, Dec 25 2018, 8:05 pm

amother wrote:

I bought a used bugaboo cameleon in great condition on Facebook for $100. It was 5 years old at the time.

You know, lying on scholarship applications is absolutely wrong. But making assumptions about other people's money is really Puke

Well you be an angel then, pay full tuition and don't care about people spending on luxuries if you think that makes you a better person than me. I don't care what you think about me, I still don't like when my hard earned money buys other people luxuries while I live simply to not shnorr around.

amother

Blue

Tue, Dec 25 2018, 8:08 pm

amother wrote:

These threads are so stupid. You have no idea who gets a break or why or who pays the hotel bill or the car lease.

Aside from that, everyone has different priorities. I drive a 15 year old car and have broken second hand furniture and a house that needs major renovations. On the other hand I chose to take my children to Israel to visit their grandparents who never met them and are very old. Some of you are going to call that cheating the system. I call it being an adult and deciding that tuition is not the only priority in my life. My children need to meet their grandparents at least once before they pass and I don't think I owe you an explanation. If the tuition committee has a problem with it they will work it out with me not you.

I actually did this a few years ago. I told all my kids schools that some of my (school age) kids will be meeting my parents for the first time. Not one school had a problem with it. One school told me that flying to visit immediate relatives or going to Israel is a completely acceptable family trip. They dont usually question it.

amother

Lilac

Tue, Dec 25 2018, 8:09 pm

amother wrote:

I was very clear on the other thread that I didn't ask for the linens. I didn't even know expensive linens were a thing for new couples until I was taken shopping for them. Let's not alter what happened.

I don't know that anyone who asked for $2000 linens. Do you?

Are you the poster that complained about the community marrying me off on the other thread? Let's be clear that people can do whatever they want with their money.

Please tell me what linens have to do with school tuition? Your jealousy is sickening.

I didn't write the other post and I don't know what you're talking about. I do know someone who asked for linens actually they were 2.4 k. And no I don't care if the community married you off and I'm definitely not jealous of your 2 k linens. I'm very happy with mine thank you very much. I'm proud that I've worked for the things I own. My post wasn't directed at you since you're not the only one taking tzedaka you know? Banging head

thunderstorm

Tue, Dec 25 2018, 8:13 pm

amother wrote:

I must be really dumb, unless you have cash income, how do you lie? We have to hand in our tax returns.

(one school told us a builder had a tax return of making $20,000 a year. In reality he was making excess of $300,000. He paid full tuition, but wanted to fill out forms for free lunch. The school refused.)

He most likely provided his personal income tax return and not the business tax return.
Or he wrote a lot of things off as expenses for the business and wasn't showing that he really made profits.

amother

Babyblue

Tue, Dec 25 2018, 8:19 pm

amother wrote:

Calm down Babyblue. I do not believe Lilac was referring to you. And to call her jealous is sickening. You should be ashamed of yourself. How strong would you be in her shoes, completely cut off financially from her family. I admire her. She (if I may speak for her) and I and plenty of others are disgusted that it seems to be the norm in some communities for a new couple to get 2K worth of linens, either from their parents, or if they cannot afford it from other community members.

I am the one whose $2000 linens that are currently being discussed in a different thread. It's not a coincidence.

What does linens for a new couple have to do with full tuition? It was out of left field.

TranquilityAndPeace

Tue, Dec 25 2018, 8:57 pm

According to Daas Imamother,

If you cannot afford full tuition, you may not:

Go on vacation
Have a new car
Own jewelry (you should sell it if you had it from pre-tuition days)
Get a manicure
Buy a cup of Starbucks
Buy clothing anywhere other than a thrift store
Have a cleaning lady
Run your heat at higher than 65 Fahrenheit. (Get sweaters from a thrift shop)
Buy takeout food

The only non-essential purchase allowed, if one cannot pay full tuition, is:

BIRTH CONTROL

(If you weren't raised by parents who paid for you to get a good education and career, and didn't marry someone like that, and find yourself unable to afford full tuition, and unlikely to be able to afford it in the near future, 2 methods of birth control must be used.)

amother

Cyan

Tue, Dec 25 2018, 9:08 pm

I don't know how serious (or not) you are TranquilityandPeace, but if you cannot pay full tuition, you should not be getting manicures, buying ready made coffee or buying takeout food on any kind of regular basis. And having heat higher than 65 is not necessary (I keep mine at 61 during the day and lower at night and we are not walking around in coats.) Vacations should be limited to day trips. As far as the jewelry is concerned, if we are talking about the ridiculous items that are purchased for some kallahs (necklace, pearls, watch, ring, bracelet) yeah - you should pawn some before getting tuition assistance. Sell it to the next group of harassed parent who have to buy it for their daughter/dil.

And if you are already on major tuition assistance and do not foresee a sizable increase in your income, you better go on BC or be prepared to start homeschooling.

amother

Babyblue

Tue, Dec 25 2018, 9:20 pm

TranquilityAndPeace wrote:

Many people on reduced tuition go on multiple vacations yearly, own jewelry and purchase more for certain occasions, get weekly manicures, drink expensive coffees, dress their kids in matching clothes, shop in frum stores, have weekly cleaning ladies, run their temperature where they want, AND buy takeout food.

It is not an OR question. Their entire lifestyle is being subsidized.

mig100

Tue, Dec 25 2018, 9:21 pm

Chayalle wrote:

I have a pretty ironclad rule that I do my best to enforce for myself, which is: I don't try to make other people's cheshbonos.

Everyone has different needs and reasons for it. I drive a pretty old car for most peoples' standards (a 2007 Honda Accord) but you know, there are cars out there that are even more "yeshivish"-looking and falling apart than mine (mine happens to be in pretty decent shape despite its' age B"H B"AH kein yirbu cuz I really don't want to have to buy a new car right now) so someone out there could think, you know Chayalle could probably manage with a 2003 impala (that was my last car, and it was costing me more to keep it than to junk it and replace it) and pay more tuition $$, how dare she buy a "new" 2nd hand decent-looking car......

I know some people who commute to work (I work from home) so having a reliable car that won't stall on them is an absolute must, especially if they don't have a good days-off policy from their job (I work for my company long enough that B"H I can take off when I need to by now). Or maybe they do alot of long-distance driving to OOT parents that make a decent car worthwhile (it's cheaper than flying, and Kibbud Av V'aim, to boot).

So there are so many variables that contribute to people needing the cars they drive, that make their needs different than mine.

So I try my best not to judge them. One less stress in my life....

Can't like this enough!!
Such a load of my head since I stopped dealing with everyone's cheshbonos!! Life's so much easier now

Last edited by mig100 on Tue, Dec 25 2018, 10:03 pm; edited 1 time in total

TranquilityAndPeace

Tue, Dec 25 2018, 9:41 pm

amother wrote:

Hello Amother Cyan,

So, women who get married at 19 without a higher education because their families didn't offer it, who marry a 22 year old guy without a college degree, who work hard and honestly 9-5 at decent jobs, and have 5 kids over 15 years.... yet can not afford the frum lifestyle plus full tuition.... should NEVER BE ALLOWED A TREAT FOR THE NEXT 30 YEARS?

These people should live without any of life's niceties, ever?

And I wonder about the accuracy of the calibration of your thermostat. 61 indoors in the northeast is very chilly, especially if you have old drafty windows.

amother

Floralwhite

Tue, Dec 25 2018, 9:51 pm

amother wrote:

Stop calculating other peoples bills. If you believe you deserve a break then ask for one.
We have two leases. We don't have the money to put down to own a car. We both work in medicine and don't have the option of not showing up in awful weather. We both need good snow cars. We don't have fancy but we also don't have the cheapest cars because we need cars that can safely get us to work and safely get us home.
We go on vacation using points. Don't tell me to sell them. That's illegal.
My friend got upwards of ten thousand dollars for shaitels from insurance when she had cancer. If you don't know she had cancer you'd be envious of her new wigs.
People have rich parents who want to spend yom tov with them at hotels and pay for them. They are not offering them that money. They are paying for themselves to have quality time with their children and grandchildren. Having rich parents doesn't mean they are offering to pay your tuition.
Go drive yourself crazy. It's not going to change anything so you may as well not think about it.
One person upthread did make a good point. Counting savings is unfair--we don't own a house. I shouldn't lose ability to buy a house because I try to be frugal and save. If I have 100k in savings for a down payment why should I lose that if they aren't asking someone else to sell their house to pay tuition? But I can't change the system and focusing on it and whining about it will just make me more miserable.

Maybe the people who don’t pay full tuitIon but have rich parents who take them to hotels for Pesach should be telling their rich parents that tuition is the prrority because it is.

amother

Floralwhite

Tue, Dec 25 2018, 9:52 pm

amother wrote:

That one time trip to Israel is not same as going to hotels for Pesach and living lavish when not paying tuition

amother

Slategray

Tue, Dec 25 2018, 9:53 pm

I agree that a lot of schools make full tuition paying parents pay more to cover cost of others. But, this is an issue to take up with"" the school board. My school is very thourough in the tuition assistance application so unless someone is lying ....

However, its true that saving money penalizes u but to that poster who says she makes double her friends income but gets no break......but if ur friend has no savings how will she pay for bar mitsvas weddings...even if she can take a loan against her house...she will have debt ...so how is it possible to have 6 months emergency savings if tuition board doesnt allow savings?? The problem is the board needs to take lavish spending into account too.

Anyway, regarding not being allowed to save"" this is why I suggest newly married couples save right away and buy a house before child is 5(not to beat the system but to survive in this crazy reality). I wish someone wouldve told me this but nobody did.

Regarding getting a good car, economically it is a lot of times better to lease a car rather than buy an old car because in my experience the amount of times it broke and we had to fix it, cost us a lot of money.

Regarding vacations, I dont have ppl paying for vacations for me but my rich aunt pays for her dds family(my cousin) to go on vacation to florida...and my aunt told me she specifically wants to pay for their vacation for them to relax for the grandkuds to have a good time...but she doesnt want to pay their tuition. So ppl going on vacation may be using points may have vacation paid for by someonelse and grandparents can choose how to spend their money..

Third, at the end of the day"" I wonder how much of this is really something we need to "worry" about because yes, we all have choices to make. Some ppl lie and others spend lavishly and dont pay full tuition which is wrong bec it means they have an ability to pay more tuition....but hashem will punish all those who cheat the system...hashem will make sure we each have the income to spend or save after paying full tuition. If we dont have a lot after paying full tuition, it means we are not supposed to have more...

Yes, im human too and its hard to accept that we have so little while paying full tuition(right thing to do) and others are paying a little while living lavishly but hashem will take care of them. Its just like a nonfrum dentist who is open shabbos and makes a lot of money while others who are closed on shabbos are 'losing out'. But the truth is hashem will take care of punishing those who are dishonest.... and rewarding those who did the right thing. Yes, its hard bec im also jealous of those who have it easier bec they have hired help, takeout...(I dont need luxeries)while im being very frugal to pay tuition. But really the goal is not to look at others ....