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My kid watches tv all day every day
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amother




Vermilion
 

Post  Tue, Jan 01 2019, 12:44 am
PLEASE DO NOT BASH. SUPPORT ONLY PLEASE. I know it is awful, and I feel guilty enough already.

My preschool son watches tv all day every single day. He is a very hyperactive, difficult, challenging kid who loves destroying the house and beating people up. His aggression and his inability to play well by himself makes me just turn on the tv every time he starts acting up. I know how bad this is that he spends every hour after daycare until bedtime watching and all day on weekends. I do not want any bashing.

I have tried multiple times to stop this habit. I am in therapy to work on parenting techniques. My child's therapist recommends things as well. However, I go through a good period where I have energy but it never lasts more than a week or 2 before some stress happens (sick/tired up all night or stress from work etc) and then I give in again. I can never consistently stop him from watching completely on a consistent basis as I cave on days I can't move/exhausted and then I'm screwed cuz I see how easy it is and he is addicted again.

I have little support and no money for babysitters or resources. I am weaker physically/emotionally and raising kids is not something I'm good at. I have been working hard to make an effort to connect to my kids but this is something that is really hard. My other kids it isn't an issue as they like to play games and look at books but this kid is either totally zoned out or destroying the house.

Please please share tips of how you got rid of this. I can't go cold turkey. But just how to really stick to a half hour every once in awhile or reasonable instead of hours upon hours.
Please give me chizzuk that you were able to change and enforce this.

(This is not a hashkafic issue as I don't believe TV is bad, but purely screen time parenting issue.)
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amother




Mint
 

Post  Tue, Jan 01 2019, 1:58 am
I can sympathize because I used to do this too..My kids used to watch hours of tv. I made a commitment to myself to let him watch only 40 minutes-1 hour a day. After an hour, I turn it off and that’s it. Even if he wrecks the house and fights with his siblings every second I just bite my tongue and try to have patience with him until he goes to bed. I’m in the process of getting him evaluated.. have you gotten your son evaluated? We can best help our children if we know what they have and what they are going through.

My son is also more likely to act up if he is bored. He loves play dough and painting so I pull these activities out. He also loves music and is calmer when I have music playing in the background. You know your child best. Think creatively to see what you can do with him that won’t be to exhausting.
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amother




Royalblue
 

Post  Tue, Jan 01 2019, 2:18 am
amother wrote:
PLEASE DO NOT BASH. SUPPORT ONLY PLEASE. I know it is awful, and I feel guilty enough already.

My preschool son watches tv all day every single day. He is a very hyperactive, difficult, challenging kid who loves destroying the house and beating people up. His aggression and his inability to play well by himself makes me just turn on the tv every time he starts acting up. I know how bad this is that he spends every hour after daycare until bedtime watching and all day on weekends. I do not want any bashing.

I have tried multiple times to stop this habit. I am in therapy to work on parenting techniques. My child's therapist recommends things as well. However, I go through a good period where I have energy but it never lasts more than a week or 2 before some stress happens (sick/tired up all night or stress from work etc) and then I give in again. I can never consistently stop him from watching completely on a consistent basis as I cave on days I can't move/exhausted and then I'm screwed cuz I see how easy it is and he is addicted again.

I have little support and no money for babysitters or resources. I am weaker physically/emotionally and raising kids is not something I'm good at. I have been working hard to make an effort to connect to my kids but this is something that is really hard. My other kids it isn't an issue as they like to play games and look at books but this kid is either totally zoned out or destroying the house.

Please please share tips of how you got rid of this. I can't go cold turkey. But just how to really stick to a half hour every once in awhile or reasonable instead of hours upon hours.
Please give me chizzuk that you were able to change and enforce this.

(This is not a hashkafic issue as I don't believe TV is bad, but purely screen time parenting issue.)


Take away the antenna and then only use DVDs from time to time.
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Lizzie4




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Jan 01 2019, 2:25 am
How about hiring a high-school girl to take him out in the afternoon so you can get some rest?
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rowo




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Jan 01 2019, 2:28 am
DVDs
That way you don't have to be the bad guy turning it off. It comes to an end and it's done.
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amother




Coffee
 

Post  Tue, Jan 01 2019, 2:34 am
amother wrote:
PLEASE DO NOT BASH. SUPPORT ONLY PLEASE. I know it is awful, and I feel guilty enough already.

My preschool son watches tv all day every single day. He is a very hyperactive, difficult, challenging kid who loves destroying the house and beating people up. His aggression and his inability to play well by himself makes me just turn on the tv every time he starts acting up. I know how bad this is that he spends every hour after daycare until bedtime watching and all day on weekends. I do not want any bashing.

I have tried multiple times to stop this habit. I am in therapy to work on parenting techniques. My child's therapist recommends things as well. However, I go through a good period where I have energy but it never lasts more than a week or 2 before some stress happens (sick/tired up all night or stress from work etc) and then I give in again. I can never consistently stop him from watching completely on a consistent basis as I cave on days I can't move/exhausted and then I'm screwed cuz I see how easy it is and he is addicted again.

I have little support and no money for babysitters or resources. I am weaker physically/emotionally and raising kids is not something I'm good at. I have been working hard to make an effort to connect to my kids but this is something that is really hard. My other kids it isn't an issue as they like to play games and look at books but this kid is either totally zoned out or destroying the house.

Please please share tips of how you got rid of this. I can't go cold turkey. But just how to really stick to a half hour every once in awhile or reasonable instead of hours upon hours.
Please give me chizzuk that you were able to change and enforce this.

(This is not a hashkafic issue as I don't believe TV is bad, but purely screen time parenting issue.)


Please stop thinking this way, this is NOT true! You don't have to be the mother who spends endless hours on the floor playing with her kids all day. You are the best mother for your kids, and they coudn't have gotten any better. Although I'm sure it's hard for you believe because your so stressed out and going through a hard time, though please, do me a favor and just keep this major fact in the back of your mind for when things get calmer, that there is no better mom in the world for your kids than you.
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amother




Blue
 

Post  Tue, Jan 01 2019, 4:18 am
I also let my kids have way more screen time than I should. All of them have ADHD (and no, screens didn't cause it, I resort to screens because ADHD is so flipping exhausting) and I suffer from depression, and dh also has ADHD which means try as he might, he's not able to be as helpful as I need him to be. I don't have the energy or patience to be constantly on top of everyone and come up with creative activities. I have come up with some small ways to mitigate, and bh it really helps, and nobody's brain has turned to mush yet, in fact, of the kids who are in school, they are all at the top of their class, very intelligent. So it's clearly not the worst thing in the world. First off, I have a strict schedule in the afternoons. No tv until homework, bath, dinner, and one non-screen activity. That way, it usually ends up being that there's not more than an hour of screen time a day during the week. Sometimes they do all these things super quickly and end up with more, but I don't make a deal of it as long as they completed the schedule. And they do, so I know everyone is doing what they need to do. Weekends are more tricky because they do end up watching all day on Sunday. Dh is no help, Sundays are video game binge day for him, so it's let the kids binge too or they destroy the house. I've tried lining up activities outside the house for Sundays, but it's so overwhelming for me to make it happen, especially when dh isn't on board (which is most of the time) that it only happens a few times a year. I feel horribly guilty about that, but since it's just as much dh's fault as mine, I've stopped beating myself up too much and worked on accepting it. (BTW, I know I'm making dh sound like a jerk, he really isn't. He's wonderful in most other ways. But he does have ADHD, and this is one of the big challenges that comes along with that).

I will say, also, if I can't be on top of quantity, at least I'm on top of quality. I'm quite strict about what they can watch/play. They are all avid readers (even the ones who can't read yet love being read to, and that's one of the few parenting things I'm good at, so I do read to my kids a lot, which I guess counts for something). I often challenge them to read something with the promise that they can watch the movie version when they finish, and then we discuss how the movie was different from the book, which was better etc. And just in general, I discuss with them what they watch, because almost all of what they watch is interesting and thought provoking enough to discuss. Dh, who is a serious gamer, has introduced them to quality games, the require a lot of strategic and critical thinking, not just mindless entertainment. So yeah, I wish we could manage to cut back on screen time, but since we struggle with that, we've decided to focus on making their screen time count, and bh, that seems to be working well.
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amother




Azure
 

Post  Tue, Jan 01 2019, 4:28 am
Tv is so much harder to control than a downloaded episode on an iPad or DVD. They get the kids so bad with the ads and "coming up nexr" kids are bound to have FOMO. you my find it easier to control if you allow one 45 minute episode thr as others have said ends...and when it ends there are no more till tomorrow. We did this with my 3/4 yr old and it helped. Once we ditched tv we had better control and less tantrums.
Parenting is so so tough. Go easy on yourself. Nobody died from too much tv and you are doing the very best you can.
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amother




Blue
 

Post  Tue, Jan 01 2019, 4:43 am
amother wrote:
Tv is so much harder to control than a downloaded episode on an iPad or DVD. They get the kids so bad with the ads and "coming up nexr" kids are bound to have FOMO. you my find it easier to control if you allow one 45 minute episode thr as others have said ends...and when it ends there are no more till tomorrow. We did this with my 3/4 yr old and it helped. Once we ditched tv we had better control and less tantrums.
Parenting is so so tough. Go easy on yourself. Nobody died from too much tv and you are doing the very best you can.

Can't speak for op, but that's not really so true anymore for the most part. We have a TV but don't have cable, only Netflix, Hulu, etc. So no commercials, none of that "coming up next" etc. There's no FOMO because it'll all still be there later. It's all a matter of you know you really should turn it off now but you're reluctant to end the respite it gives you, or to deal with the pushback.
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amother




Aqua
 

Post  Tue, Jan 01 2019, 7:44 am
OP, does your son go to school? Was he ever evaluated professionally?
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pesek zman




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Jan 01 2019, 8:40 am
If he’s a preschooler (older than 3) he needs to be in school. He needs the distraction and stimulation that come from real life interactions. He needs structure and friends and learning. School would be providing that
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amother




Cerise
 

Post  Tue, Jan 01 2019, 8:43 am
READ THESE ARTICLES. changed my entire family dynamic.

https://handsonotrehab.com/scr.....sing/ - explains what’s happening.

https://handsonotrehab.com/scr.....ines/ -solutions that work without making you feel horrible as a parent.

It can be done. Stay strong!
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ectomorph




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Jan 01 2019, 8:56 am
Can you get a high school or elementary school girl to take him to the park for $5 an hour
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Ema of 4




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Jan 01 2019, 9:20 am
amother wrote:
Can't speak for op, but that's not really so true anymore for the most part. We have a TV but don't have cable, only Netflix, Hulu, etc. So no commercials, none of that "coming up next" etc. There's no FOMO because it'll all still be there later. It's all a matter of you know you really should turn it off now but you're reluctant to end the respite it gives you, or to deal with the pushback.

Watching Netflix and Hulu is not the same as watching shows on TV. TV has commercials, Netflix and Hulu don’t.
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Ruchel




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Jan 01 2019, 11:49 am
ectomorph wrote:
Can you get a high school or elementary school girl to take him to the park for $5 an hour


If she does it enough to keep him off the tv it will be extremely expensive.

I say gold culd turkey, TV is broken oh no! Let's find something else to do. Expect melt downs and then they get used to it.
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amother




Blue
 

Post  Tue, Jan 01 2019, 12:06 pm
Ema of 4 wrote:
Watching Netflix and Hulu is not the same as watching shows on TV. TV has commercials, Netflix and Hulu don’t.

My point is that Netflix and Hulu ARE TV. Literally the only difference is the commercials. Maybe it's a frum thing because of all anti-TV stigma, which is how you end up with families who "don't have a TV" but they watch all the popular shows on their computers. Sorry, but if you're binge watching Netflix on your computer, you have a TV in your home even if you don't have a literal TV with cable in the house. And while yes, it's a different viewing experience, and not dealing with commercials is a big plus (my kids almost never ask for stuff because they've come across commercials so rarely), it is still TV and still just as easy to get sucked in too much. I only have streaming services at home, no cable at all, and I still struggle tremendously with setting screen time limits (both for myself and my kids). Call it whatever you want, but it's semantics. Streaming services on a computer is watching TV, same as the traditional cable setup.
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Ema of 4




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Jan 01 2019, 12:34 pm
amother wrote:
My point is that Netflix and Hulu ARE TV. Literally the only difference is the commercials. Maybe it's a frum thing because of all anti-TV stigma, which is how you end up with families who "don't have a TV" but they watch all the popular shows on their computers. Sorry, but if you're binge watching Netflix on your computer, you have a TV in your home even if you don't have a literal TV with cable in the house. And while yes, it's a different viewing experience, and not dealing with commercials is a big plus (my kids almost never ask for stuff because they've come across commercials so rarely), it is still TV and still just as easy to get sucked in too much. I only have streaming services at home, no cable at all, and I still struggle tremendously with setting screen time limits (both for myself and my kids). Call it whatever you want, but it's semantics. Streaming services on a computer is watching TV, same as the traditional cable setup.

I disagree. It’s not the same thing. Netflix and Hulu are like putting in a dvd. You know exactly what you are watching, and when it’s over it’s over. No commercials, so no “other stuff” like there is when watching TV. Watching is watching, but I don’t consider movies the same as TV.
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amother




Salmon
 

Post  Tue, Jan 01 2019, 12:40 pm
Not really. If you're watching a show on netflix or hulu, when the episode ends the next will automatically start to play unless you turn it off. Same as a TV. Let's call a spade a spade.
I don't have a problem with it, I definitely stream stuff to watch. But I think it's silly when some people put down TV owners/watchers when they are no different.
Same thing goes for people who watch stuff through Amazon prime.
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Ema of 4




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Jan 01 2019, 12:45 pm
amother wrote:
Not really. If you're watching a show on netflix or hulu, when the episode ends the next will automatically start to play unless you turn it off. Same as a TV. Let's call a spade a spade.
I don't have a problem with it, I definitely stream stuff to watch. But I think it's silly when some people put down TV owners/watchers when they are no different.
Same thing goes for people who watch stuff through Amazon prime.

That wasn’t my point. My point is that when you watch movies, or episodes, whether on Netflix or on Hulu or on DVDs, that is ALL you are watching. I said watching is watching, but not all watching is created equal.
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amother




Salmon
 

Post  Tue, Jan 01 2019, 12:54 pm
Unless you pay extra, hulu does have commercials, btw.
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