She didn't say thank you

amother

Apricot

Wed, Jan 02 2019, 1:53 pm

I gave my child's babysitter a nice thank you card with a $50 check a few days ago but she hasn't said thank you. Is that normal? Just wondering if she appreciated it. She is not aloof in general so it's not something I would expect. I would have loved to give her more money but we are really struggling financially. When I first gave her the envelope and told her it's a late chanuka gift, she said that a gift wasn't expected at all and that was all she said.

amother

Teal

Wed, Jan 02 2019, 1:58 pm

Is it possible that she is shy? Maybe she appreciates it but is intimidated by you because you are older than her etc , who knows

I used to get shy and awkward like that when I was younger TMI

amother

Apricot

Wed, Jan 02 2019, 2:04 pm

amother wrote:

Is it possible that she is shy? Maybe she appreciates it but is intimidated by you because you are older than her etc , who knows

I used to get shy and awkward like that when I was younger TMI

She is not shy at all and she is actually a little older than me.

amother

Sienna

Wed, Jan 02 2019, 2:04 pm

It could just be that she is a little awkward about acknowledging gifts and compliments and that it means nothing.

It could be that you gave her much less than expected and she is secretly mad. Do you know what people normally give in your area for holiday bonuses to babysitters employed in a similar capacity to her (e.g. full time vs. occasional, childcare only vs. childcare plus housework, etc.)?

amother

Apricot

Wed, Jan 02 2019, 2:06 pm

Chayalle wrote:

I think that's very generous of you. Maybe she just wasn't taught properly to acknowledge a gift and say thank you.

Maybe you're right. I'm trying to be dan l'kaf zechus. Just wondering if she even appreciated that I gave her a $50 check with a heartfelt letter.

amother

Apricot

Wed, Jan 02 2019, 2:09 pm

amother wrote:

I don't really know what the going rate is for a chanuka gift and if I was able to, I would have loved to give her more but we're really struggling a lot lately. It's just a bit interesting because when I gave her the envelope and told her what it was, she right away said that she doesn't expect these things at all and it's not necessary or something of the sort.

amother

Silver

Wed, Jan 02 2019, 2:10 pm

amother wrote:

So she said "oh that's so unexpected" - read into that gratitude, even if she didn't formulate the words "thank you".

What she probably doesn't appreciate is how much $50 means in the grand scheme of your finances (nor should she).

amother

Sienna

Wed, Jan 02 2019, 2:16 pm

amother wrote:

She could have just been saying that as a nicety.

In my office, it is the norm for a secretary to receive a holiday cash gift from every professional whom the secretary supports. My secretaries always say something like "Oh you shouldn't have!" or "You didn't have to do that!" but they absolutely expect it. And there are approximate expectations for amounts too. Your situation may be different of course, but you should find out the going rate if you value this employment relationship.

Surrendered

Wed, Jan 02 2019, 2:43 pm

I gave a chanuka gift to several therapists and received no response of appreciation. Though I know they did appreciate it, some people don't show it...

amother

Indigo

Wed, Jan 02 2019, 3:04 pm

Is she frum? My neighbors won't say thank you because they say it takes away from the mitzvah.

Another possibility is that she has no manners and doesn't realize that's the appropriate thing to say.

amother

Slategray

Wed, Jan 02 2019, 3:33 pm

amother wrote:

Is she frum? My neighbors won't say thank you because they say it takes away from the mitzvah.

Come again?

amother

Teal

Wed, Jan 02 2019, 3:47 pm

amother wrote:

Is she frum? My neighbors won't say thank you because they say it takes away from the mitzvah.

Another possibility is that she has no manners and doesn't realize that's the appropriate thing to say.

Wait so frum people are now in he practice of not saying thank you? What happened to the concept of hakaras hatov

amother

Silver

Wed, Jan 02 2019, 3:58 pm

amother wrote:

Wait so frum people are now in he practice of not saying thank you? What happened to the concept of hakaras hatov

The gift is an expression of gratitude. That is the hakaras Hatov.

I kind of get it.

I've never felt obligated to acknowledge a thank-you note that someone sent me after they came to me for Shabbos. Their note was the hakaras HaTov.

(I happen not to see a holiday gift to an employee as hakaras Hatov.).

amother

Khaki

Wed, Jan 02 2019, 4:00 pm

Surrendered wrote:

I gave a chanuka gift to several therapists and received no response of appreciation. Though I know they did appreciate it, some people don't show it...

I think they’re lacking manners! If you get a gift then say “ thank you”. How hard is it??

I got my childs therapist a nice gift for Chanukah. It was not cheap at all. I wrapped it up in nice wrapping paper and wrote a detailed card. A week later I got a illegible little paper with run on sentences and grammar mistakes that was supposed to be a thank you. When Purim time comes I will definitely put less thought into her mishloach manos.

flowerpower

Wed, Jan 02 2019, 4:01 pm

Chayalle wrote:

I think that's very generous of you. Maybe she just wasn't taught properly to acknowledge a gift and say thank you.

It’s common sense!!! An adult should know how to say two important words “ Thank you”!

ttbtbm

Wed, Jan 02 2019, 4:04 pm

It’s possible that in her head when she said “so not necessary” she was thanking you. In other words she was saying “thank you for showing your appreciation”.

amother

Tangerine

Wed, Jan 02 2019, 6:10 pm

amother wrote:

Is she frum? My neighbors won't say thank you because they say it takes away from the mitzvah.

Another possibility is that she has no manners and doesn't realize that's the appropriate thing to say.

Maybe when they return something borrowed, because of ribbis.
But not for a gift!

pizza4

Wed, Jan 02 2019, 6:30 pm

I don't think saying thank you for a gift can really take away from the mitzvah!
That said, I once went to someone for shabbos and brought my host flowers, she said, oh it was not neccessary, why are you taking away from my mitzvah- I want to do it with my whole heart! She's an older woman and meant it with all sincerity; I was very touched.

thunderstorm

Wed, Jan 02 2019, 6:37 pm

There are people that don't say "thank you" for a thank you. This was meant as a thank you to her , so she accepted it graciously and is basically saying "you're welcome "