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-> Interesting Discussions
amother
Blush
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Sat, Jan 05 2019, 9:55 pm
Does it bother you when people offer non solicited advise?
Like when you have nothing in common and they mix in saying that you are wrong about whatever it is, when they don't know the first thing about you.
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amother
Seashell
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Sat, Jan 05 2019, 10:03 pm
amother wrote: | Does it bother you when people offer non solicited advise?
Like when you have nothing in common and they mix in saying that you are wrong about whatever it is, when they don't know the first thing about you. |
Totally bothers me. But it actually bothers me more when its people that know me. "You know I researched everything I could about sleep training before I made this decision. If I wanted to ask you I know I could have. I didn't so now would not be the time to tell me your sage advice." When people don't know me and give me their advice I smile, nod, and say all the right things before moving on with my life and forgetting about them.
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amother
Gold
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Sat, Jan 05 2019, 10:07 pm
Depends. For example, if I'm obviously a newbie to babywearing, and an experienced mom comes over and asks if I want some tips on making my baby sling more comfortable or secure, I'll appreciate it.
I think it comes down to:
a) The person is an expert on the subject
b) The person asks before offering an opinion
c) The person is nice about it.
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amother
Papaya
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Sat, Jan 05 2019, 10:08 pm
I could care less. There is too many real problems in life to be aggravated by unasked for advice. The more ludicrous it is, the more amusing it is. Have a good laugh if it is really stupid advice.
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Frumwithallergies
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Sat, Jan 05 2019, 10:40 pm
I agree with all of the above. It really depends on who is offering the advice, my mood (may make me more or less receptive) and the topic at hand.
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amother
Blush
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Sat, Jan 05 2019, 11:08 pm
I'm referring more to unsolicited advice on personal matters. I hate it when people give you advice on challenges in your life when they aren't you and will never know or understand your challenges
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Frumwithallergies
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Sat, Jan 05 2019, 11:12 pm
amother wrote: | I'm referring more to unsolicited advice on personal matters. I hate it when people give you advice on challenges in your life when they aren't you and will never know or understand your challenges |
Bothers me immensely. Definitely.
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amother
Royalblue
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Sat, Jan 05 2019, 11:17 pm
amother wrote: | I'm referring more to unsolicited advice on personal matters. I hate it when people give you advice on challenges in your life when they aren't you and will never know or understand your challenges |
I get what you're saying. I have a friend who is always telling me to just be more positive whenever I discuss my personal challenges-this is her solution for all issues. I resolved to stop discussing them with her, so now I don't have too many phone conversations with her.
Sometimes all one wants is a listening ear, but not everyone is good at listening-some people feel compelled to offer solutions and non-solicited advice.
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amother
Coffee
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Sat, Jan 05 2019, 11:20 pm
I once offered unsolicited advice to a mother whose child was standing up in a stroller she was pushing. I told her that I'd seen a child fall out once, and that her child could fall, as well.
She gave me such a withering look and said, "Thank you. Really. Thank you."
Even though I knew she was the one being stupid, she made ME feel so stupid.
That's all it takes. Just say, "Thank you. Really, thank you." And give a withering look. They'll shut right up.
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amother
Violet
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Sat, Jan 05 2019, 11:25 pm
It's unacceptable. I cut contact or minimize conversations with people who constantly give unsolicited advice. Or if I have the guts, I'll just tell them to please keep it to to themselves.
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amother
Blush
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Sat, Jan 05 2019, 11:27 pm
amother wrote: | I once offered unsolicited advice to a mother whose child was standing up in a stroller she was pushing. I told her that I'd seen a child fall out once, and that her child could fall, as well.
She gave me such a withering look and said, "Thank you. Really. Thank you."
Even though I knew she was the one being stupid, she made ME feel so stupid.
That's all it takes. Just say, "Thank you. Really, thank you." And give a withering look. They'll shut right up. |
On that I could think...maybe her kid is impossible in the carraige all the time and mom is going crazy from this herself but has no solution for it..
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amother
Royalblue
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Sat, Jan 05 2019, 11:29 pm
amother wrote: | I once offered unsolicited advice to a mother whose child was standing up in a stroller she was pushing. I told her that I'd seen a child fall out once, and that her child could fall, as well.
She gave me such a withering look and said, "Thank you. Really. Thank you."
Even though I knew she was the one being stupid, she made ME feel so stupid.
That's all it takes. Just say, "Thank you. Really, thank you." And give a withering look. They'll shut right up. |
This reminds me of when my husband and I were walking in Meir Shearim many years ago.
One of us was pushing my standing daughter in her stroller (I don't recall the age of the child but she refused to sit and I'm sure we had a hand on her). A newlywed looking couple passed us by, and assuming we're not English speaking, the husband loudly tells his wife that we were stupid, and the baby could fall out.
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amother
Blush
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Sat, Jan 05 2019, 11:30 pm
I had this friend that kept discussing ideas and plans that didn't pertain to me at all, and really rubbed in my challenges...so guess what I let her go..wasn't easy but best decision I ever made.
Problem is I still never managed to find a friend that close since..as much as it was necessary I still feel an empty void space there..
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amother
Royalblue
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Sat, Jan 05 2019, 11:33 pm
amother wrote: | I had this friend that kept discussing ideas and plans that didn't pertain to me at all, and really rubbed in my challenges...so guess what I let her go..wasn't easy but best decision I ever made.
Problem is I still never managed to find a friend that close since..as much as it was necessary I still feel an empty void space there.. |
I hear you. I've noticed that the people who I can have the best conversations and relationship with (not necessarily friends), are the ones who are good listeners.
IMO, being a good listener is the best personality trait in a good friend.
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amother
Lawngreen
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Sat, Jan 05 2019, 11:51 pm
I suffer from debilitating chronic fatigue. I know that it's a vague diagnosis, and it's easy to imagine that's it's all in the person's head. I confided in a friend that this is what I'm struggling with, and although it impossible to know for sure if it's psychosomatic, it truly does not seem to be that that is the case with me. I don't have any underlying reason to want to hide in bed and be tired. She seemed to understand and sympathize at first. But she makes sure to remind me to "keep busy" in every subsequent conversation and has told me a bunch of times that a person needs something to get up for in the morning. It's subtle, but I definitely feel that she is telling me that she believes my issue with energy is emmotional. It really hurt because I trusted her to "get it" and not to share condescending and cliche advice.
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amother
Royalblue
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Sun, Jan 06 2019, 12:07 am
amother wrote: | I suffer from debilitating chronic fatigue. I know that it's a vague diagnosis, and it's easy to imagine that's it's all in the person's head. I confided in a friend that this is what I'm struggling with, and although it impossible to know for sure if it's psychosomatic, it truly does not seem to be that that is the case with me. I don't have any underlying reason to want to hide in bed and be tired. She seemed to understand and sympathize at first. But she makes sure to remind me to "keep busy" in every subsequent conversation and has told me a bunch of times that a person needs something to get up for in the morning. It's subtle, but I definitely feel that she is telling me that she believes my issue with energy is emmotional. It really hurt because I trusted her to "get it" and not to share condescending and cliche advice. |
I'm sending genuine hugs your way since there's no hug button.
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Ruchel
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Sun, Jan 06 2019, 5:33 am
amother wrote: | Depends. For example, if I'm obviously a newbie to babywearing, and an experienced mom comes over and asks if I want some tips on making my baby sling more comfortable or secure, I'll appreciate it.
I think it comes down to:
a) The person is an expert on the subject
b) The person asks before offering an opinion
c) The person is nice about it. |
Yeah.
Most of the time unless it's a punctual immediate thing (baby is falling off from carriage, I forgot a pacifier on the table) KEEP IT TO YOURSELF urgh.
I do appreciate help on neutral topics/ from a specialist when presented as you say.
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amother
Aqua
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Sun, Jan 06 2019, 5:50 am
amother wrote: | I once offered unsolicited advice to a mother whose child was standing up in a stroller she was pushing. I told her that I'd seen a child fall out once, and that her child could fall, as well.
She gave me such a withering look and said, "Thank you. Really. Thank you."
Even though I knew she was the one being stupid, she made ME feel so stupid.
That's all it takes. Just say, "Thank you. Really, thank you." And give a withering look. They'll shut right up. |
Good for her. I loathe this kind of unsolicited advice.
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amother
Beige
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Sun, Jan 06 2019, 6:32 am
Ugh. I get so much unsolicited advice and I can’t stand it. No one offering the advice has personal experience. They just like being yentas.
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Iymnok
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Sun, Jan 06 2019, 6:54 am
I’m in Israel. Many people here take כל ישראל ערבים זה לזה quite literally. I politely accept their advice then continue on my way and do exactly as I feel is correct. But I can feel the difference between being caring and meddling.
(It did get my daughters passports quicker since they wanted me OUT to get medical care faster... at least I knew the best possible thing to do!)
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