Stupid hygiene questions

amother

Bisque

Sun, Jan 06 2019, 3:01 am

Thank you all so so much for posting!!! I really appreciate it, especially all of those who are telling me not to feel so stupid for asking what seems should be obvious to a mom of a K"H not small family......

Here's what I got so far from the posts:

HAIR really has to be part of the morning routine, a good "space" for it is immediately after getting dressed. Try to have girls brush themselves, like 4 or 5 years old or older. I like the idea of "doing" their hair, or at least putting in a barrette or a ponytail or something so I know it was done and also give the girls something positive about it! Of course also brush in or after bath.

NAILS it seems for most kids should be done every week, if they grow slow every other week. Ideally Friday afternoon along with baths (hope to have a calm enough Friday for that one day!! In the meantime Thursday night is as good as it gets here....) but for now just make a different mani-pedi day, maybe Thursday or Sunday which is calmer as suggested. Maybe week of Shabbos Mevorchim also do toenails.

DIAPERS obviously change dirty diapers immediately, and link diaper changes to certain activities - before or after nap, before leaving house, before dinner. Otherwise check every 3 hours or so.

BATHS: From 6 or older can take showers, and encourage those every night or morning. I like the idea of offering some sort of privilege for those who took at least 3 baths or showers that week!

Bath time is usually after dinner, for practical reasons. Try to move stuff like homework out of bedtime rush by pushing before dinner. Assign other kids chores (picking out clothes for tomorrow? Straightening room? Dressing child after bath? Maybe have a tape playing?) for during younger kid bathtime to keep them gainfully occupied.

Consider bathing more than one child at a time, or avoid passing stuff on by changing water and doing a very fast 5-minute soap/rinse/out.

HAIR CUTS seems a good rule of thumb is to check every 3-6 months. So maybe I should put on the calendar to check hair around Rosh Choesh Nisan, Tamuz, Tishrei, Teves.

TIGHTS try to replace tights that have holes that are either visible or uncomfortable. (I doubt I will ever become the type to fix tights.....) If the tights are getting a million holes they may be too small.....

PJS just leave the status quo alone. Although it seems not the end of the world to wear a few days in a row not worth changing up what the kids are already used to for it, and especially since they aren't getting baths every night at this point....

PLEEEEASE feel free to correct or add anything, it has been so helpful to me to read what other moms who "get it" are doing!!!!

ALSO some more questions:

Do you "police" teeth brushing? If so for what ages? It drives me crazy to be standing in the bathroom for 15 minutes making sure everyone brushes teeth correctly, and things that drive me crazy almost never get done!! Should I maybe watch 1 kid per night and let the rest police themselves? (We have a 2 minute timer so they know how long they should be brushing for)

What are "normal" meal times and lengths of meal times in your house? Is dinner a half hour, an hour? What time of day do you eat lunch? Do you make a time limit and END the meal, or let it drag out as long as people are still at the table? I see that it would probably be much better to "end" it so it's easier to check who has benched and who has cleared their place etc.

salt

Sun, Jan 06 2019, 3:10 am

Wow amazing summary OP!!

About teeth brushing. I one spoke to a friend who is a dental assistant - she said they can tell which kids brush their own teeth and which kids have a parent brush for them. Kid's can't really brush their own teeth effectively.
I know the recommendation is 2 mins, but in my opinion that's an awfully long time to stand there brushing your teeth. I don't brush my teeth for 2 mins straight.
I would think that you brushing your kids teeth for 30 secs is probably more effective than them brushing for 2 mins, where they probably spend most of the time sucking the toothbrush.
I brush my children's teeth at least every other day, until age 7 or 8. They do it on the in between days.

amother

Turquoise

Sun, Jan 06 2019, 6:25 am

A lot of this stuff depends on the ages of your kids, genders, type of hair.

For example under age 6 you need to do everything for them, brush their teeth, hair, bath them, but I have an 8 year old girl with curly hair. She gets her hair cut twice a year. Before school and before pesach. She only brushes her hair when wet, with leave in conditioner. Never ever ever EVER brush dry curly hair. She showers/bathes every night independently but washes her hair 2-3 times a week and then brushes it out after. She sometimes needs my help with this. Her hair has to be in a pony or bun for school but she does her own hair. My only input in that is buying copious amounts of ponytails.

My 5 year old son on the other hand, gets his hair cut like every 6-8 weeks. Like right before pesach, than before Shavous, than it’s always a bit long til after 3 weeks. But we cut it after tisha Baav than before Yom Tov etc... like it follows major events on the calendar.

Also my kids eat Breakfast in their pjs because I would rather that get milk on it then their uniforms.

FranticFrummie

Sun, Jan 06 2019, 9:59 am

You are not a bad mom at all, you just sound really frazzled. What you need are a few life hacks. Everyone can use a shortcut here and there. When I mop, do you think I move the furniture and do the corners every single time? Heck no! I hit the middle of the room and call it good. Corner mopping gets done once a month. Don't make yourself crazy trying to be perfect. Your kids need a happy mom, not a perfect mom.

Just my opinion, but if kids aren't visually dirty, and they're not stinky, then they can skip a bath for a day or two. A quick shower works just as well, and saves time and water too.

Electric toothbrushes work way better than manual ones, especially for little kids. Kids who are still developing fine muscle control, or have low muscle tone, in particular - but great for lazy kids too. Let the motor in the brush do all the work, and 30 seconds of brushing will do more good than 2 minutes of manual brushing. (One of the things I miss most on Shabbos is being able to use my electric toothbrush.)

Why are you spending 15 minutes to get everyone's teeth brushed? They should all be brushing at the same time, which will make it a 2 minute job, max. They can stand in line to spit in the sink, or have everyone spit in the shower and you can rinse it out quickly. Think outside the box!

Use detangling spray, for sure! Johnsons & Johnsons makes the best, imho, and it smells very nice without being too strong.

If your girls won't let you braid or pony tail their hair before bed, invest in some satin pillowcases. They're not that expensive, and they keep hair from getting tangled up overnight. Very effective with curly hair as well as straight.

How old is your oldest? Is he/she old enough to make sure that the little ones don't destroy the house while you are trying to bathe the others, or make dinner, or whatever? See if you can offer some kind of special privilege or treat in exchange for some help.

One more suggestion: Google "games" that you can teach toddlers that will help them clean house with you. Baby wipes are great for lower cabinets, tape a square on the floor and see if the toddler can sweep all the crumbs into the square, etc.

Have the kids "race" to see who can put away the most toys before a timer goes off, who can make their beds the fastest, etc. Chocolate chips and dollar store prizes are a parent's best friend.

Hang in there, you got this mama!

dankbar

Sun, Jan 06 2019, 11:01 am

Great student OP! You learned really fast! Seems like you know what needs to be done it just has to get done! Maybe they get annoyed at your policing! A better idea of chasing & controlling.....make a routine chart with pics & they go thru the chart on their own. Let's say....morning routine....wake up, Negel vasser....take out negel vasser...modeh ani...get dressed....make bed....eat....brush teeth...brush hair & make into ponytail....

You can put it into sheet protector & they can check it off with dry erase markers or paper chart with stickers & they get prizes for completed charts you decide on timing....like for one day....2 days...week....

Start with smaller doable length & stretch to longer....

dankbar

Sun, Jan 06 2019, 11:12 am

You can do a night routine chart as well to make morning rush easier. When they get home....unwind....eat supper....clear plate.....
Homework...play....bath....pjs...brush teeth & hair....prepare backpack at door with all signed notes, test homework inside....prepare snacks.... ( you/older kids can prepare the lunches for school if they need, and the clothes for next day, & whatever extras they need to have for next day like trip money or show & tell or nosh for shabbos party...) shoes in place......krias shma....

You can put clock times by each item....
Whoever is in bed before bedtime with all things done before gets a treat like hearing a kids CD in bed....or timed reading....or a bedtime story....or a special snack for school next day..

You can also do like a race bw two kids close in age.....who can get done faster

dankbar

Sun, Jan 06 2019, 11:23 am

In winter kids that are not sweating or getting very dirty, they dont need baths every day. You can do every second day. If Fri is too hectic, Thu night is ok for shabbos. Sun, Tue & Thu is fine. I know few people who do in winter only Mon & Thu if they have large broods. Older kids that shower themselves should be encouraged to shower often/daily. An older child can bathe a younger kid. If bathing your little ones takes a lot of energy out of you, you can rotate let's say you bathe 2 kids on Mon & the other 2 kids on Tue. If they're young you can do 2 kids in bath at same time or reuse the water. If you don't get to bathe then....at least sponge bathe them....

The babies that are home with mommy during day can bathe anytime during day doesn't have to be with the rush with everyone together.

I'm talking to myself too....I am not always perfect with everything....we all know what needs to be done but get sidetracked sometimes

Ema of 5

Sun, Jan 06 2019, 11:56 am

When do you brush your girls hair? My current system involves running around chasing kids with a hairbrush whenever I happen to notice that somebody has messy hair. Morning is so crazy, they won't brush unless I actively remind them, and half the time it gets forgotten.
My kids brush their hair (or have it brushed for them) every time they take a shower or bath, so every day, or every other day.

Same with cutting nails. Friday is always SOOOOO nuts in my house, I will sometimes run around again chasing down children to cut their nails but I feel like I am seriously doing something wrong, and also several kids make it into a whole power struggle which I have no patience for when the soup is overflowing and the cake is burning. I heard that in halacha you're not supposed to cut nails at night and that you're supposed to do it on Friday.
I’m really bad at nail cutting.....

How often do you change diapers? My toddler is super-helpful and lets me know that the diaper is wet or dirty (yes we started trying to toilet train but no luck yet) so those don't usually sit for too long. Other times it's "when I notice" "when I think of it" or specific times like before bed and right after waking up. Or, worse, after an explosion, but thankfully that's not too often.
As needed, or every few hours

What time of day do you do baths? And what do your other kids do while you're giving them? Before supper seems like a bad idea, cuz my kids are not the neatest eaters, but after supper is the evening rush time, and giving a bath takes up all of my attention and usually I come out of the bathroom drained emotionally and wet physically, and the kids have taken advantage of my focused bathing time to create other kinds of chaos. Morning (on non-school days) is also usually a bad idea, because my kids have already gotten dressed most times and don't want to put on the same clothes, and I don't want to wash an extra set for no reason.
I have 4 kids, 2 boys and two girls, three of whom have homework just about nightly. My oldest doesn’t need help in the shower, so he goes whenever. My next two I switch off- one does homework while the other takes a shower/bath. Then they switch. I try to do it before supper, but sometimes it happens after.

How often do you cut your boys or girls hair? I do it again "when I notice" but I feel like there should be some sort of logical number or system for this.
My husband usually takes the boys for haircuts, so it’s whenever he thinks they need. (I happen to like more hair on their heads, so I leave it up to him, cuz he likes not so much)
My daughter (the younger one hasn’t had a haircut yet) gets two or three times a year. Before pesach and succos, and maybe once in between, but usually not.

Do people buy new tights every time one gets a tiny hole? My girls all wear tights all the time and I never quite know if I'm supposed to be replacing them much more often. I feel a little guilty that they are wearing holey tights but I can't afford new pairs every other week!!
Depends where the hole is. My daughter will wear tights with holes below the ankle all season, but ifsomeone else can see the hole she will stop wearing them. (I don’t even like holes on my feet or toes, but that’s a sensory thing.) Thick winter tights shouldn’t be tearing every week. Are you talking about the thin stocking ones?

My kids put their PJs in the laundry every morning. It's starting to dawn on me that that might be overkill, should I tell them to wear the same PJs more than once before washing?
I think that is very much a personal preference.

amother

Seashell

Sun, Jan 06 2019, 12:13 pm

amother wrote:

Hi y'all!

I'm not a first time mom, have a few kids of various ages so I am downright embarrassed to be posting this.... not sure if I'm add or just reallllllly slow. Way too embarrassed to ask anybody I know irl. Please don't call bash me, I'm honestly trying to get better at this, it just really doesn't come naturally to me!!

When do you brush your girls hair? My current system involves running around chasing kids with a hairbrush whenever I happen to notice that somebody has messy hair. Morning is so crazy, they won't brush unless I actively remind them, and half the time it gets forgotten.

Same with cutting nails. Friday is always SOOOOO nuts in my house, I will sometimes run around again chasing down children to cut their nails but I feel like I am seriously doing something wrong, and also several kids make it into a whole power struggle which I have no patience for when the soup is overflowing and the cake is burning. I heard that in halacha you're not supposed to cut nails at night and that you're supposed to do it on Friday.

How often do you change diapers? My toddler is super-helpful and lets me know that the diaper is wet or dirty (yes we started trying to toilet train but no luck yet) so those don't usually sit for too long. Other times it's "when I notice" "when I think of it" or specific times like before bed and right after waking up. Or, worse, after an explosion, but thankfully that's not too often.

What time of day do you do baths? And what do your other kids do while you're giving them? Before supper seems like a bad idea, cuz my kids are not the neatest eaters, but after supper is the evening rush time, and giving a bath takes up all of my attention and usually I come out of the bathroom drained emotionally and wet physically, and the kids have taken advantage of my focused bathing time to create other kinds of chaos. Morning (on non-school days) is also usually a bad idea, because my kids have already gotten dressed most times and don't want to put on the same clothes, and I don't want to wash an extra set for no reason.

How often do you cut your boys or girls hair? I do it again "when I notice" but I feel like there should be some sort of logical number or system for this.

Do people buy new tights every time one gets a tiny hole? My girls all wear tights all the time and I never quite know if I'm supposed to be replacing them much more often. I feel a little guilty that they are wearing holey tights but I can't afford new pairs every other week!!

My kids put their PJs in the laundry every morning. It's starting to dawn on me that that might be overkill, should I tell them to wear the same PJs more than once before washing?

Thanks for your forbearance in helping out a mom who really does not look frazzled when you meet her but is wondering why this seems so hard for her and effortless for everyone else!!!

ETA: Oh and I may remember some other questions later!!!

OP, how old are your kids? That makes a big difference with answers.

amother

Seashell

Sun, Jan 06 2019, 12:27 pm

salt wrote:

Yes, kids left on their own tend to “chew” vs brush. I have a three-year old who loathes me brushing his teeth so I am going to try the electric toothbrush soon. Much earlier than my other kids started (not until after age 10)!