Guests wanting you to babysit -WWYD

amother

Turquoise

Sun, Jan 06 2019, 9:21 am

We were asked to host a couple with their kids for simcha. The MIL asked my husband if I can babysit their newborn and toddler so they don’t have to hire a babysitter. So basically Firday night, Shabbos morning till after lunch I would have to babysit and not sure about Sholosh Seudos. There is no eiruv. WWYD

amother

Burlywood

Sun, Jan 06 2019, 9:23 am

There are options. You have the option to say that won't work for you and offer to help them find a babysitter in your area.
You can give them phone numbers and they can work it out. Or you can set it up for them.
Or they or you can speak with the baalei simcha about finding a babysitter.

amother

Turquoise

Sun, Jan 06 2019, 9:24 am

amother wrote:

The MIL lives in the neighborhood so she knows who to call.

amother

Pink

Sun, Jan 06 2019, 9:25 am

I suppose every community is different, but I would find this a huge imposition. Are you expected to feed the kids too?

I would say that you are available for hosting, but not babysitting, so you will be happy to have other guests sleep over.

amother

Burlywood

Sun, Jan 06 2019, 9:26 am

I hear.
I don't know your relationship with the MIL or the rest involved.
You can certainly tell DH to tell her sorry that won't work.
(Why did she ask DH and not you?)

ohmygosh

Sun, Jan 06 2019, 9:28 am

No, I wouldn't do it, and I'm shocked that someone would even think of asking you to do it. They should hire a babysitter. You are hosting them for sleeping. You're not a babysitter.

Last edited by ohmygosh on Sun, Jan 06 2019, 10:47 am; edited 2 times in total

amother

Gold

Sun, Jan 06 2019, 9:28 am

Well do you mind babysitting? If it's not a big deal for you then go for it, it's a nice favor. If you don't want to then just say it won't work for you.

amother

Smokey

Sun, Jan 06 2019, 9:30 am

I dont think it’s fair of someone to ask your husband to volunteer your services. She should be asking you directly.
I am often asked to host people’s guests for a Simcha. For me that entails washing linen and making beds and cleaning bathrooms before and after they come. I also offer them to bring up their kids for food if they are hungry or breakfast and / or coffee and cake in the morning and ask if they need anything else.
But it does not include babysitting. That’s when I spend time with my kids and serve and clean up and maybe even go to sleep early.
If it’s a situation where their kid usually sleeps through without waking up and they put the kid to sleep first, then it would be fine as long as their room is within earshot of mine.
If I was hosting my own good friend then it would be my pleasure.

amother

Brunette

Sun, Jan 06 2019, 9:32 am

She should have offered to pay. I would do this for a relative or good friend. Or for pay if someone wanted my services. It’s a bit much to ask as a favor from a neighbor and in the area where I live it would be unheard of.

amother

Turquoise

Sun, Jan 06 2019, 9:34 am

Basically this MIL has chutzpah. And obviously if I am babysitting I am not coming to their kiddush. I would be stuck babysitting indoors most of shabbos. I never had a request like this before. So basically if I would want to go out my husband would have to take over.

amother

Turquoise

Sun, Jan 06 2019, 9:36 am

amother wrote:

They are not offering to pay but I would not feel comfortable to take the $$$

amother

Burlywood

Sun, Jan 06 2019, 9:44 am

Then have him tell her "sorry that won't work for us."

(for all she knows DH doesn't want it or wants you to come with to kiddish or any combo, doesn't matter or you have something going on yourself or as a couple)

(if thats the situation and thats what she wants then she can find someone with a teen daughter or relative who can babysit in their home and they can stay with that family)

amother

Apricot

Sun, Jan 06 2019, 9:49 am

amother wrote:

Well do you mind babysitting? If it's not a big deal for you then go for it, it's a nice favor. If you don't want to then just say it won't work for you.

This is simple and perfect.
Why is everyone getting all upset? There is no eiruv so all they did was ask if it’s an option. You are allowed to say that you’re not comfortable being responsible for a new born.

mammale

Sun, Jan 06 2019, 9:55 am

I don't get the big deal. She asked. If you don't mind, go ahead, and if you do mind tell her no. There is no reason you should do a favour you aren't up to, and nothing wrong with saying you can't. At the same time it isn't necessary to speculate on her personality or lack of tact. She is making a Simcha, it is already a busy time, she must have thought she hit upon a convenient possible solution. Just because someone askes doesn't mean you need to do it!#

abound

Sun, Jan 06 2019, 9:59 am

The request is not chutzpa, You just need to tell her yes or no. I usually would not mind, so I would probably say yes. If you do mind say no. What is the big deal?

teachkids

Sun, Jan 06 2019, 10:02 am

I think it's reasonable on a summer shabbos to leave sleeping kids at the host to go to the seuda, but awake kids all day? That's a lot to ask of a stranger!

amother

White

Sun, Jan 06 2019, 10:16 am

It is an outrageous request. It turns OP into a not friend but a person to just be used. We want friends at our simchas.

It's chutzpah to ask. It puts the person on the spot. It's not ok to make people uncomfortable. I don't understand that aggressive mentality that it is ok to force someone to have to be imposed upon or to say no in a language they understand which is just as forceful back.

I don't like to say no. These people don't accept an "I'd rather not" or "that doesn't work for me". They take that as a yes. You have to say "NO" without explanations. An explanation gives them wiggle room.