5 YO Getting Hit In School

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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling

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amother

Pumpkin

Sun, Jan 06 2019, 10:35 pm

My 5.5 DS has an aggressive classmate who has been hitting and kicking my son multiple times a day. My son is weak in his social skills (working on that separately) and is an easy target. This has been going on for the past 3 months, though I learned of it about 6 weeks ago.

I have complained to both the teacher and the administration and was assured that they were aware of the situation and working on it. Though it has gotten slightly better, my son is now being hit once a day, instead of 3 times a day. Last week this child and a classmate made my son like down on the ground and then the 2 kids climbed on top of him. Because of my son's social deficits, he generally doesn't respond appropriately or say NO or STOP and only sometimes tells a teacher.

I feel that this bullying is really having an impact on my son. What should be the next step and how hard should I push the school? I know that the bully has as tough home situation and is in counseling, but every child should have a right to stay safe.

Suggestions?

amother

Black

Sun, Jan 06 2019, 10:38 pm

Threaten to sue the school for endangering the welfare of a child if they don't take stronger measures. This is ridiculous.

I don't know if I'm serious or not, but give them a message that something has to be done.

Last edited by amother on Wed, Jul 10 2019, 11:13 am; edited 1 time in total

oneofakind

Sun, Jan 06 2019, 10:51 pm

Discuss with the school about having a social worker do a presentation to the class about bullying. The biggest problem of bullying is the bystanders- the other kids who are also scared or just don't think to get involved and protect the victim.

amother

Indigo

Sun, Jan 06 2019, 10:53 pm

I wonder if your child is being targeted, or if this boy is aggressive overall and many boys are being targeted. Either way, feel free to speak up as often as you'd like- respectfully- to make sure your child feels safe in school.

SuperWify

Sun, Jan 06 2019, 10:54 pm

Why are there no teachers supervising the kids??

They are five for Heaven’s sake!

amother

Indigo

Sun, Jan 06 2019, 10:56 pm

SuperWify wrote:

Why are there no teachers supervising the kids??

They are five for Heaven’s sake!

How many teachers do you think are watching the boys in the yard? One teacher is looking in one direction, one teacher is talking to another child, and a third teacher is making sure those boys stop climbing the fence. The boys pushing someone to the ground and climbing onto him can take literally one minute, when no teachers happen to be looking in that direction.

amother

Pumpkin

Sun, Jan 06 2019, 11:02 pm

Thanks for your responses.

According to my son, other children are getting hit too so my son is not the only target and this child is a known problem.

It usually happens when the teacher's back is turned. I believe there is always supervision. It's a very difficult class and they do have multiple assistants.

My feeling is that even if my son is not a target, he should have a right to always feel safe and this has been going on way too long. I feel like eventually the emotional impact will be permanent if continued for too long.

I just don't know how to approach it sounds at this point it's been going on for way too long.

causemommysaid

Sun, Jan 06 2019, 11:09 pm

What about teaching him to hit back?

Not sure if I'm serious about hitting back but if this keeps up u may have to pull him out. This can't continue like this.

amother

Pumpkin

Sun, Jan 06 2019, 11:12 pm

causemommysaid wrote:

What about teaching him to hit back?

Not sure if I'm serious about hitting back but if this keeps up u may have to pull him out. This can't continue like this.

He is in Kindergarten/pre1a/primary. This school is the only good option in our community. I don't think I can pull him out.

amother

Chartreuse

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 12:08 am

Did the school explain to you how they will be working on this and in what time frame you can expect this behavior to be eliminated? It sounds like the aggressive child may need a teacher asssigned to him at all times if he’s still hurting the other kids multiple times a week

amother

Babypink

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 12:24 am

Ugh no fun
Get him help so he can be assertive not just to this kid but to anyone who ch’v takes advantage of him or wants to

Get a Para if you can to keep him
Safe

And yes keep pushing the school on the bully fromt

BTDT

Goldie613

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 3:24 am

Switch schools? I understand you feel that this is the only school option, but putting him in not as good a school may be a worthwhile trade if it keeps him safe and keeps him from hating/fearing school.

What about putting him in a different class?

The school has an obligation to keep him safe. Can they hire an assistant to help keep an eye on the class?

Where is the teacher and what is she doing while this is going on? How is the staff not seeing this?! Especially having a kid down on the ground and kids on top of him :-(

FranticFrummie

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 7:27 am

OP, correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like you are in a smallish OOT community. There is one Jewish school, and not enough kids to switch DS to another class, so you are stuck with the bully. The administration is not taking your seriously, or only making half-hearted measures.

BTDT

Have you spoken with the bully's parents? At the very least, get their email address. Email the administration, teachers, and bully's parents, making sure that all correspondence is CC'd to everyone involved. Keep everything in writing, to show that you are doing your best to resolve the situation.

If nothing gets better, take your email trail and approach the board and the big donors. Money talks.

On the other hand, if the bully's dad is a big name rabbi or a big donor, then you might as well move to a different town, because nothing will happen.

amother

Taupe

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 7:56 am

I would turn the place upside down until it stopped.
Op you must protect your baby.

amother

Indigo

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 8:07 am

amother wrote:

I had a feeling this was the case. Seriously, you can call a meeting with the preschool director. Sympathize with the teachers, but be firm that it's not a healthy environment for the rest of the class. This boy probably needs his own shadow, and his parents are probably either resistant or can't afford it, so they're trying other things meanwhile that are not totally effective. Explain in detail how this is affecting your child. I think that if the administration heard from more parents that their children are not tolerating it well, they would move to more extreme measures. Believe it or not, there are plenty of boys who either hit back or find a friend to do it for them, or just move on. But there are other boys who are finding it traumatic, including your son, and they need to know that.

Inspire

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 12:44 pm

I know of a similar situation....it is now 25 years later and the bullied child went OTD as a pre-teen, and is having great difficulty trying to come back again due to the memories of yeshiva life.

ShishKabob

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 1:10 pm

Maybe you want to gather successful strategies of dealing with such type of behavior, I know there are resources available from different jewish groups. Then, you can go with your hands full so to speak to the teacher and principal and tell them that you did some homework in regard to this and you would appreciate if they can implement the methods.
If this was such a serious issue and no solid improvement was being made by the administration, I would keep my child home and then start calling the other mothers in the class and ask them to back me up with support for creating change in the classroom. Good luck

Rappel

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 1:35 pm

Can they assign an assistant solely to keep watch on the hitter? Can you pull your son out and homeschool him?

ProudMommie

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 4:33 pm

Its ok if u dont want to answer...but is this hapenning in the US?

amother

Turquoise

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 10:35 pm

Op,

One hit is one hit too many. Meet with the principal and teacher ASAP and demand the “hitting” child be monitored or shadowed at all times.
This is not acceptable in any school no matter how difficult the class. If there are problematic students they need to be watched closely by the teachers.
I work in a preschool and I notice that the kids who have trouble keeping their hands to themselves are watched extra closely by the teachers.
You have every right to demand safety for your child

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