Do prettier wives have happier marriages?

amother

Scarlet

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 11:51 am

amother wrote:

You are not very smart. Again, this is a thead about looks rather than glacier skiing. Please stay on topic or start a spin-off about skiing.

You said I dress sluty and am a liar. That's the initial unprovoked personal attack. I only said you were ugly on the inside in response to your unprovoked attack on me.

Your unprovoked attack on me was on response to something I wrote that resonated with you in a negative way.

Yes, some people are pretty and get courtesies because of it.

Actually, I said that *I* USED TO dress slutty. I didn’t call you a liar. I just find it far-fetched that only one person on an entire ski slope was ushered onto a lift. In my experience, many people are. And if your experience is totally true, what is your point? That you are so beautiful? Your harsh attack on me shows you to be anything but beautiful. Oh and you said “I am not very smart” which is totally untrue. You are the one who sounds like you need to put others down. You have called me ugly (I am not) and accused me of not being smart (I am smart) and both of these are against the imamother site rules.

If someone’s primary achievement in life is courtesies for being pretty. So be it.

amother

Linen

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 11:53 am

I don't think it's true. I'm really not beautiful (overweight, gigantic nose etc.) And my husband keeps on mentioning me how beautiful I am (I'm not gloating just saying it) and sometimes I can't take it and blurt out what exactly do you find Pretty?

Anyway my marriage I can consider really good. So in my opinion this "research" is $#%

amother

Scarlet

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 11:54 am

Ravenclaw wrote:

Cerculean and Scarlet, please cut it out. I know it’s hard not to respond, but try for the rest of us please.

I am sorry. It is difficult to not respond to personal attacks calling me “ugly” and “not very smart” though. I appreciate it derails the thread and isn’t great for other readers. Apologies.

amother

Blonde

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 12:35 pm

I think I'm average looking. My mother always said I'm pretty so growing up I thought I am, but objectively I'm just normal looking. My husband, who is objectively very handsome and tall thinks I'm pretty. He's always saying that I'm beautiful and have a nice figure... While in reality I gained about 40 lbs in the 5 years since I married him, and have a big stomach from my pregnancies. I guess me being female is enough of a draw... He was never with anyone else, he doesn't really look at other women and we're happy together.
He's a great husband and I feel beautiful when I'm with him.

amother

Emerald

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 12:44 pm

Slightly off the main topic of this thread (but not really) overweight people are many times not as respected in society. I may be smart and capable (and even pretty), but I will not be taken as seriously as the one with the beautiful, or average, figure.

mommy3b2c

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 12:47 pm

amother wrote:

Thanks for posting this. It was beautiful to read.

amother

Magenta

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 12:57 pm

I've been told so many times by random people that I'm gorgeous, stunning figure etc ( I'm size 2, tall) but with my XH I never ever felt beautiful, in fact, over time I felt something was wrong with me. He constantly made me know that something is wrong with my body. Ex: he would stare at my face and then say that part of one of my eyebrows is higher then the other.. or he would say that I stand the "wrong" way.. I put the spoon in my mouth, during eating in a funny way.. ( I'm most mannered) endless negative comments.. Unfortunately after many years I believed XH more than friends and random people.

So this study may be true but definitely not with disturbed men.

amother

Khaki

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 1:04 pm

FYI, I've never been beautiful. I guess I was cute enough when I was young.

BUT ...

My girlfriends (also not beautiful) and I were always able to flirt a little with the ushers at sports events and move down to better seats. Once, memorably, to court side at a professional basketball game -- but I should mention that it was a blowout, and lots of people left.

And while I don't ski, I've been told to move forward in other lines when they needed one or two people to fill a space. I've never seen it done based on perceived "hotness," as there would be too many complaints from those passed over.

Rena K

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 2:31 pm

Since there is no objective way to define "prettiness", this cannot be an objective study. However, it does seem logical that all else equal, a couple where both husband and wife look attractive will be happier than if one or both are ugly. But I would not guess that looks are the key predictive variable of marital happiness.

From my own research of recent studies, the two most predictive variables of long-term marital happiness / longevity are:
1. Steady and sufficient income
2. Inner happiness

There is a clear correlation of income and divorce rates. A recent study found that actuaries have the lowest divorce rate. It's interesting that certain professions do tend to get divorced at a lower rate, but likely to do with the character of people in the profession in addition to steady income.

A different study found that the people that were naturally happy (before marriage) had longer and happier marriages.

ssss1

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 2:38 pm

Rena K wrote:

do both partners have to be naturally happy or if one spouse is, that alone predicts happier marriage?

Simple1

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 2:39 pm

amother wrote:

Size is what matters more. People like a thin average looking person over a pretty heavy person.

This is subjective. Not everyone agrees with you.

I also think good character and inner beauty count for a lot.

Rena K

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 2:45 pm

ssss1 wrote:

do both partners have to be naturally happy or if one spouse is, that alone predicts happier marriage?

I don't recall. My hunch is that the marriage generally benefits from the natural positive energy, whether it is from one or both partners. My experience tells me that naturally positive people tend to be attracted to other naturally positive people.

naturalmom5

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 2:57 pm

FranticFrummie wrote:

Thanks! I forgot to add, a few years after my mom passed, my dad married a wonderful short, pudgy, plain looking woman. My dad thought he'd never find happiness again, but they are over the moon in love with each other. It's so cute to read their FB posts, they are like teenagers together! I read things like "Love is when your hubby leaves you the last brownie in the pan." with a picture of the pan and a little note next to it.

To me, that's worth a lot more than being pretty. I've never had anyone adore me like that. Confused

That's a blatant lie
We all love you to pieces here.. LOL

amother

Scarlet

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 3:08 pm

Ruchel wrote:

If you think teachers or society don't discriminate by looks, as in pretty = dumb, or if you've never considered that some people won't hire a pretty teacher/sitter/live in/nanny/secretary, then...

But even if we accept that pretty women will get favors from some men who think they might have a shot at sx with said pretty women, it doesn’t mean at all that marriage is easier or better for these women. Marriage is for the long haul and requires hard work and more than flirty bats of the eyelashes. Especially during Niddah IMHO.