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Do prettier wives have happier marriages?
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shoshanim999




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Jan 08 2019, 12:44 pm
baltomom wrote:
That's not how I understood that post. She didn't say not having those problems makes for a better marriage, but the husband and wife's ability to HANDLE those problems make for a more pleasant marriage. I completely agree. As I read this thread I'm thinking: How does a wife being pretty make up for character faults that impact her ability to be a good wife and mother?? Maybe for the first year or couple of years her prettiness makes up for other faults, but over the long term, I think a woman's ability to run a pleasant home (despite the inevitable stressors of life) where her husband and children feel good about themselves and each other has a much bigger impact on her marital happiness than her prettiness does.



Perhaps. I guess I look at it like this: If you were to compile a list of all the attributes that contribute to a good marriage, would beauty be on that list or is it completely irrelevant? In other words if I said that having a name with an even amount of letters makes for a better marriage, you'd say I was nuts. If I say that being kind, considerate, thoughtful, patient, peace seeker, giver, being happy, all contribute to enhancing a marriage, you'd probably agree. Of course no single attribute can guarantee a good marriage. The question is whether attractiveness helps or is worthless in a marriage. So I feel that having a wife who is attractive can help a marriage. This is especially so when the couple is first starting out.

A quick google search also adds some interesting points. The gemara in yevomos says that a beautiful wife adds to the delight of marriage. The gemara in Taanis says that one should marry an attractive wife in order to have good looking children. Avrohom told Eliezer to find an attractive wife (among other things) for Yitzchak, and we know that Yackov preferred Rochel over Leah because she was beautiful.
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amother




Lawngreen


Post  Tue, Jan 08 2019, 5:13 pm
The confidence thing (having a lot of self-confidence is one of the most attractive features a person can have) always made sense to me, although I don't see it in my own marriage.

I think I am average looking with several dozen pounds to lose, for whatever that's worth. I do have great skin and recognize that helps my overall appearance. I never wear makeup.

I have struggled with anxiety and depression my entire adult life and my self confidence is non existent. My husband on the other hand, is always upbeat and has a lot of confidence. And thinks I'm the s-xiest person ever. That despite the weight gain since I started bearing children and developing a really unsightly chronic disease that makes me pretty self conscious. He has only ever spoken of my virtues as he sees them and never ceases to be attracted to me. That has helped my confidence a lot in that department. I guess if your spouse remains the same for years and years, you finally have to believe it at some point. He's a good guy who loves me and works hard to show it to his often down in the dumps wife.
He is not turned off by my lack of confidence although I know he'd love for me to have more for myself. We are both good at communicating, so that helps toward a happy marriage. I think for general society, objective attractiveness really only matters to people who like to show off.
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amother




Lavender


Post  Tue, Jan 08 2019, 5:41 pm
According to the Midrash, when Yaakov first saw Rochel, he was given ruach hakodesh to know she was his destined partner. Nothing to do with her beauty.
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amother




Vermilion


Post  Tue, Jan 08 2019, 5:51 pm
amother wrote:
I think I am objectively pretty and yes I feel it enhances my life. I have a happy marriage but since I've always looked this way I don't know if it would be different if I looked different.

The few shmucks that I know who cheated had average to poor looking wives. Who knows?


The one schmuck that I know cheated had a stunning wife.
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Rachel Shira




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Jan 08 2019, 5:56 pm
amother wrote:
The one schmuck that I know cheated had a stunning wife.


Same.
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Cheiny




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Jan 08 2019, 6:02 pm
amother wrote:
Do their husbands treat them better? I read a study that promotes this and was wondering what y'all think. In your opinion...


I’d say you can never generalize because all husbands aren’t the same, but many times, looks do get you places you might not otherwise get... my dh would find it amusing when men would stare at me or flirty with me within his earshot..I think it probably does make most husbands feel lucky or appreciative, but as far as the marriage, that would be different in each case,,,
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octopus




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Jan 08 2019, 6:03 pm
I don't know what to say. My husband thinks the most important thing is to be a good cook. When he comes home from work , nothing makes him happier than a fresh, delicious meal. And a smiling wife. A smile and dinner equals a beautiful wife.
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amother




Bronze


Post  Tue, Jan 08 2019, 7:17 pm
Basically prettiness helps. But other factors are more important. Especially as the years go on. Looks fade so that’s not what a solid foundations is build on.
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amother




Taupe


Post  Tue, Jan 08 2019, 8:21 pm
As having the qualities of being considered "pretty" (tall, thin, model figure, nice eyes and smile...) I can tell you the following:
When I got a very good position at a young age which I felt I had earned and was qualified to fill there were people that said "you got it cuz of your looks" which bothered me.
People are many times jealous of me especially of my figure (I stay very thin during pregnancy and get right back to my size after delivery and I eat whatever I want...) which is not a good feeling. No one likes when people are jealous and bitter towards them.
I feel like many people perceive pretty women as "b*tches" that are self-obsessed. I know of moms who purposely wouldn't take pretty girls for their sons because they're "b*tches". Although I don't put much thought or work into my looks or figure (it's all natural) people judge that I do and sometimes see me as a materialistic type even though that's not who I am.

Im just putting these things on here cuz most replies did not talk about the downsizes of being pretty (although there are many ups as well...)

So does being pretty make a better marriage?? I would have to try getting very fat and unattractive to know. But I don't think it makes a better marriage at all. Men get used to their wives beauty and take it for granted pretty fast....
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amother




Lemon


Post  Tue, Jan 08 2019, 8:40 pm
Taupe, yes, I think subconsiouslyy women who dont look perfect appear more approachable and have an easier time forming connections because of it.
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amother




Cobalt


Post  Tue, Jan 08 2019, 9:08 pm
amother wrote:

I feel like many people perceive pretty women as "b*tches" that are self-obsessed. I know of moms who purposely wouldn't take pretty girls for their sons because they're "b*tches". Although I don't put much thought or work into my looks or figure (it's all natural) people judge that I do and sometimes see me as a materialistic type even though that's not who I am.


I should put this as a spinoff but honestly every single woman that I know that is actually beautiful (not just "pretty") is the most self-centered person I've ever met. And I want to like you! I really do! But you spend all your waking moments at the nail salon/shaitel place/shopping and working at your "job" as an "influencer" where you try to get people to send you free things.

Anyway. Not you personally.
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amother




Jade


Post  Tue, Jan 08 2019, 9:27 pm
amother wrote:
Exactly. Perhaps the inverse is true. Hollywood is arguably filled with the most pretty boys and girls in the world yet is riddled with unsuccessful marriages.


I think the problem with Hollywood is, as one actor once put it: it's difficult to love someone here because there's so many beautiful women, it's just hard to chose.

If all of them are beautiful and some are even more beautiful I guess it's hard to stick with the one you have and be happy with it.
If your wife is beautiful and everyone around is mediocre, it's probably quite easy.

But then again... I know for a fact that there's women much prettier than me and my husband always tells me I'm the prettiest. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. As long as the wife thinks her husband is handsome and then husband thinks the wife is pretty, it's all good.
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amother




Taupe


Post  Tue, Jan 08 2019, 9:45 pm
amother wrote:
I should put this as a spinoff but honestly every single woman that I know that is actually beautiful (not just "pretty") is the most self-centered person I've ever met. And I want to like you! I really do! But you spend all your waking moments at the nail salon/shaitel place/shopping and working at your "job" as an "influencer" where you try to get people to send you free things.

Anyway. Not you personally.


I think that it is a very narrow minded statement and you're just proving my point. Be honest with yourself-can it be that you're jealous of these pretty people and therefore see them as self-obsessed?? Somehow when you see an "ugly" or "average looking" woman getting her wig set or nails done u don't flinch an eyelash but when it's a pretty person you get all "she's so into herself". I remember when I was in camp and was standing in front of the mirror making my hair one morning girls were bullying me how much "I love myself" although I spent very little time in front of the mirror compared to the other girls in camp. I was bullied a lot about "being into myself" when I think I spent the least time in front of the mirror in camp. I feel like people like you are saying such stuff out of jealousy.
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amother




Yellow


Post  Tue, Jan 08 2019, 9:55 pm
amother wrote:
I think that it is a very narrow minded statement and you're just proving my point. Be honest with yourself-can it be that you're jealous of these pretty people and therefore see them as self-obsessed?? Somehow when you see an "ugly" or "average looking" woman getting her wig set or nails done u don't flinch an eyelash but when it's a pretty person you get all "she's so into herself". I remember when I was in camp and was standing in front of the mirror making my hair one morning girls were bullying me how much "I love myself" although I spent very little time in front of the mirror compared to the other girls in camp. I was bullied a lot about "being into myself" when I think I spent the least time in front of the mirror in camp. I feel like people like you are saying such stuff out of jealousy.


Same way you can buy a bag of chips without getting the judgmental looks I get when eating out or buying anything unhealthy.
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ectomorph




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Jan 08 2019, 10:02 pm
amother wrote:
I should put this as a spinoff but honestly every single woman that I know that is actually beautiful (not just "pretty") is the most self-centered person I've ever met. And I want to like you! I really do! But you spend all your waking moments at the nail salon/shaitel place/shopping and working at your "job" as an "influencer" where you try to get people to send you free things.

Anyway. Not you personally.

Influencers are the worst people on this Earth start a new threads I can say my piece
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Ruchel




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Jan 09 2019, 3:56 am
Most beautiful women don't happen to also be rich and be an influencer
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Ruchel




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Jan 09 2019, 4:03 am
amother wrote:
I like this. Maybe I am not skinny, but at least I am intelligent. That gives me an advantage.


Skinny rapidly turns ugly
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amother




Yellow


Post  Fri, Jan 11 2019, 12:03 am
Just read this and think it really hits the nail on the head.
https://www.quora.com/Why-do-m.....srid=8MnQG

For those who cannot open links: it basically proves the point that not only is beauty relative, but that anyone can be both beautiful, average, or not.
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amother




Fuchsia


Post  Fri, Jan 11 2019, 12:27 am
amother wrote:
Same way you can buy a bag of chips without getting the judgmental looks I get when eating out or buying anything unhealthy.


True! I thought this last night as I was buying a candy bar for myself after I saw this thread, about that people in the store we’re okay with me buying a candy bar based on their facial expressions. I’m petite and attractive. BUT, someone having an opinion on your appearance isn’t as hurtful as someone assuming poor middos in me. You can exercise. I’m thoroughly a bad person.

I balloon during pregnancy. People treat me much better and seem to think I’m a better mother and a better wife with extra weight. I’ve struggled with this realization and with accepting myself.
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amother




Fuchsia


Post  Fri, Jan 11 2019, 12:35 am
flowerpower wrote:
The answer is no.

1- not all pretty women have confidence and feel that they are truly pretty. They feel ugly inside
2- some women feel that they are so
Pretty that they become self centered. They live at the gym and in the mall. I know such people
3- a pretty woman does not make someone a good and caring wife
4- a bad husband won’t change his personality and middos because he married a pretty woman.


You got this one!
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