Do prettier wives have happier marriages?

simba

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 9:22 am

Son asks his father: “daddy, find me a beautiful girl to marry”
The father explains the son “prettiness goes”
Son responds “but ugliness stays”!

Jokes aside. I know very few ugly women. Some women may be prettier then others but not many are really ugly.

I don’t imagine the marriage we frum women desire to have would be affected by our looks.
We look for mutual trust, respect, life goals, raising children together. Maybe a marriage for social standing would be. If you were married as an accessory or arm candy then you have an expiration date. If you were married to build something beautiful deep and everlasting together then your looks or lack thereof will likely carry less weight.

amother

Indigo

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 9:23 am

Just have to add this....I know for myself as an objectively pretty wife (who gets told I am pretty regularly by DH) that sometimes I get lazy at home, not doing chores I should, because I know DH will love me anyway for my looks. Not Ch'v cutting corners in child raising or discipline, but I'm talking about with baking/cooking/cleaning stuff. I know this is my thing I have to work on. TMI

amother

Scarlet

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 9:30 am

amother wrote:

That's not been my experience. Men mature and become invested in their marriage. They love having a beautiful family and wouldn't risk it. Hashem also makes their eyes not work as well as they did when they were younger. Without glasses, my husband doesn't see wrinkles or any flaws. With them, he doesn't care because he is also older. I don't think they are anymore likely to cheat.

I think the opposite is true. Men who don't have a pretty wife are more likely to desire partners outside of marriage.

My mother was gorgeous, and my father was in awe of her all his days. Objectively, he was good looking also. His opinion that he was the luckiest man never changed. She was always his beautiful bride even a hundred lbs later.

Re: the bolded. I think this nonsense. My personal experience has been the opposite. When I was single and not frum, the people who hit on me the most were the married men with the gorgeous wives. I never understood it so I asked a couple of the men about it. One said that his wife was indeed beautiful but she was so beautiful and perfect he felt completely intimidated by her perfection. Another said that his wife was so gorgeous she didn’t feel she had to try hard in bed as she could just lie there and be pretty.

But at the end of the day, a man who wants to cheat will cheat regardless of his wife’s attractiveness.

Learning

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 9:34 am

I think in the frum world that a wife Is the only women a man husband is intimate with in most cases he cherishes her and loves her because she is the only one who he was with. Unless there is no attraction to begin with for some Reason. In the secular world I think a pretty woman has mire leverage. Kind of like a rich man has more leverage. But of course since we live in this superficial material world we as frum people are not imuned and there is this element to some extent in our marriages

Last edited by Learning on Mon, Jan 07 2019, 9:39 am; edited 2 times in total

amother

Cerulean

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 9:34 am

amother wrote:

If you were on your own, it is very common for ski lift attendants to let all single people on as there are often gaps on the chair. It is important for balance, particularly in windy conditions. The people are chosen regardless of their attractiveness. Plus skiers are generally laid back and nice. I’ve let people ahead of me before in lift lines and I wasn’t trying to get them all into bed. 😉

It was the guys in line who let me cut ahead. I didn't ask. I was waved over. This was not happening to other singles.

The same thing happened at clubs. The bouncers walked the lines and let us in first.

amother

cornflower

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 9:35 am

amother wrote:

So many questions here. Just so so many questions. You asked married men when you were single about their Zex lives? He felt intimidated by her perfection?? what a line. Give me a break. Let's not even get into the next ones response. You're right- a man who wants to cheat will cheat- thats for sure. Also agree that a man desperate for a stunning knock out trophy wife in the beginning may crave a newer model sometime down the line.

amother

cornflower

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 9:37 am

amother wrote:

Read the article I cited. People would rather deal with attractive people than non- attractive people. It's a fact.

Pretty people will get courtesies extended to them that are often not given to others.

I once walked in late to an important appointment because of bridge traffic. I was the only female there. There were 11 off the top specialists in their field. The main person was chewing out the men for being late and threatening them with a fine. All I got was a good morning Ms _____. Then he finished up his tirade.

This has happened to me numerous times.

When I was the plaintiff in a court case, the judge told my attorney to get me a chair during the calendar. We were up at the table for three minutes max. None of the other attorneys were told to get their clients a chair.

I once asked DH why I was often allowed to cut the lift lines skiing. Obviously, I was not going to sleep with anyone for this courtesy. He said there was the faintest possibility in guys minds.

And you're humble too!

urban gypsy

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 9:38 am

amother wrote:

Men who don't have a pretty wife are more likely to desire partners outside of marriage.

I've got to add that Sophia Loren and Audrey Hepburn, surely two of the most beautiful women in history, both had husbands who cheated on them and treated them like dirt.

amother

Cerulean

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 9:38 am

amother wrote:

That is such baloney. I hope your DH isn’t disappointed with the level of smartness in his wife as this doesn’t sound so smart. There are many single, gorgeous women who men have one-night stands with. In fact, the odds are greater the more georgeous the woman is since one-night stands are primarily based on lust. Many gorgeous women are divorced and many not so gorgeous women are long-term married. If your theory held weight, only ugly people would be divorcees.

Pretty women often don’t stay pretty or need a lot of make up to be that way. They are not keepers when their beauty fades for a man who only cares about looks.

Wow. You are bitter. Project much? For your information, DH is considered bright and holds a prestigious degree.

In college and grad school, it was the ugly girls who were easy and were dumped often. Pretty girls have no need for a one night stand in general. Guys enjoy having a pretty date.

flowerpower

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 9:38 am

The answer is no.

1- not all pretty women have confidence and feel that they are truly pretty. They feel ugly inside
2- some women feel that they are so
Pretty that they become self centered. They live at the gym and in the mall. I know such people
3- a pretty woman does not make someone a good and caring wife
4- a bad husband won’t change his personality and middos because he married a pretty woman.

amother

Vermilion

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 9:39 am

amother wrote:

I am only average pretty and I find the same thing. Because my dh thinks I'm amazing I can sit on the couch and eat bon bons all day and my dh will still think I am amazing. Which to be quite honest, says more about him than me Smile

.

But I wonder - do women really get motivated to clean the house or cook to make their husbands like them more? I never thought if it that way...

Learning

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 9:40 am

flowerpower wrote:

This is all true. But being pretty gives you an extra point nevertheless

Ravenclaw

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 9:42 am

amother wrote:

And what of gorgeous accomplished women? Do you think they are only married for their looks?

DH tells the story of when he was in shidduchim, he wanted a smart wife. His rabbi asked him whatever for. He said he wants someone who can talk to him at his level. The rabbi said that you are not supposed to be talking with your wife.

I think ugly women are more likely to be one night stands. They are desperate for attention and don't have the self respect pretty women do. Pretty women are keepers.

Your uncle sounds messed up. I wouldn't base all men on him.

This made me laugh too hard, sorry. Please tell me you switched rabbis by now. If not I may cry instead.

Here’s the thing. Beauty comes from within and is in the eyes of the beholder. I can list people who I had considered attractive until I discovered their nasty personality. Believe me, I no longer consider certain celebrities even slightly attractive. I can also list close friends who I now see as beautiful even though I hadn’t initially thought so because once I got to know them... I just started seeing small features I hadn’t before, like long eyelashes and deep eyes for example. I began seeing other features as beautiful (think about how styles come about—it’s all about associations that we make.)

amother

Cerulean

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 9:50 am

Ravenclaw wrote:

Ravenclaw,

You are brilliant. What a great idea. Now, find me a Rabbi that doesn't learn Perkei Avos. And I will tell my husband to switch Rabbis.

Mommyg8

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 9:54 am

amother wrote:

Ravenclaw,

You are brilliant. What a great idea. Now, find me a Rabbi that doesn't learn Perkei Avos. And I will tell my husband to switch Rabbis.

You can find a Rabbi who knows how to read meforshim.

Actually, the Rav (whoever he is) seems to be smarter than the Maharal (I think it was the Maharal?) who said it's important to find a wife who is on the same level and thinks the same way.

amother

Gray

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 9:59 am

amother wrote:

Because they want to be known as a club with pretty women inside. You are marketing material (bait).

Ravenclaw

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 10:10 am

amother wrote:

Ravenclaw,

You are brilliant. What a great idea. Now, find me a Rabbi that doesn't learn Perkei Avos. And I will tell my husband to switch Rabbis.

Read what mommyg8 wrote. Do you really want to start taking every word in the Torah literally? That’s not the way we are supposed to learn.
About that particular Mishnah— my husband said most meforshim understand it to mean in the middle of physical intimacy it is not conducive to the romantic atmosphere to keep stopping and talking the whole time. That’s just one pshat.

zaq

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 10:12 am

Look at it this way: you’re going to an event at which you don’t know anyone. You enter a room full of strangers with whom you’re supposed to mingle. Maybe you’re the speaker, even. You have to start talking to someone. Are you going to home in on a meeskeit or someone nicer-looking? Unless you’re consciously looking to do chessed to someone less fortunate, chances are you’ll approach someone nicer-looking, both because of the yuck factor and because we tend to petceive good looking people as being friendlier. But chances are you wouldn’t approach someone dazzlingly beautiful because we tend to be intimidated by exceptional beauty and think the super-gorgeous are snobs.

Ravenclaw

Mon, Jan 07 2019, 10:19 am

There are two separate points here that people are mixing up.
A) Yes, it has been scientifically proven that prettier people are given preferential treatment.
B) That only applies to people who don’t get to know you; your husband/friends/etc are not in that category.