S/o mistakes YOU made at a shiva house that u now regret

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watergirl

Wed, Jan 09 2019, 10:19 am

amother wrote:

Because there were people on threads saying that if you're not close enough to go to their simchas don't go, and other comments like that. I do also have social anxiety which makes me doubt myself often.

When I sat for my mother, the wife of the director of my high school youth group (NCSY) came to be menachem avel. Her husband, the actual director, was out of the country at the time so she came alone. I had spend many shabboses at their home when I was an obnoxious kid but other than that, it was her husband who I knew from way back when. When she walked through the door, I was floored and burst into tears from being so touched that she came. That simcha attendance rule is stupid. Go to shiva houses.

amother

Red

Wed, Jan 09 2019, 10:47 am

Raisin wrote:

To those who think it is better they didn't go, that can be just as hurtful. I remember a relative who was sitting shiva was tremendously upset that certain friends never came or at least called.

When I sat shiva for my father I was surprised at how many people I barely knew came; however, I was also surprised that some people who I was close to do not come or at all, but ultimately, I didn't really care. Everyone should do what they please.

Rappel

Wed, Jan 09 2019, 10:49 am

In high school, I visited a shiva house (not my first time, but I'd never learned the rules) with my mum, and I started trying to make conversation... Until the whole circle of women stopped and stared at me. Definitely will never repeat vTHAT faux pas!

Or when I visited a family in my town after the husband/father was murdered in a terror attack. I sat with the sister, whom I didn't know personally, and when I got up and went to her to say "hamakom," my mind froze - I couldn't remember the words. I think I stammered for a solid minute before I finally blurted it out in English, all while her expression said "why on earth are you wasting my time, "and I scurried out the door.

amother

Blush

Wed, Jan 09 2019, 11:06 am

amother wrote:

not going when a close friend sat for her grandmother when we were 13. I procrastinated - and also for some reason though Shiva was longer than it was.

Why was someone sitting for a grandmother?

Mamushka

Wed, Jan 09 2019, 11:39 am

amother wrote:

I went to visit shiva where an old school friend lost a child. We used to be good friends but lost touch over many of years. Reading threads on imamother, now, and also other times there were similar threads, I keep having doubts and second thoughts that maybe it's weird that I just came out of the blue to show up, especially I live a long drive away. I did hear from a mutual friend that she said she was touched that I showed up. But I still obsess over whether I did the right or wrong thing by going.

You are amazing you went! Instead of obsessing, thank Hashem that he gave you the righ intuition and that you followed through with it

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