Is there an excuse?

mommy3b2c

Tue, Jan 08 2019, 1:07 pm

Here’s my question.

If you are a sahm with all the kids in school till 4:00 is there an excuse to not have a perfectly run home?

Examples:

Always fresh supper. Main, side, vegetable.
Fresh breakfast
Packed lunches for husband and kids
Homemade challah
Fresh baked goods
Laundry always washed, ironed, folded, put away.
Floors always swept
Carpets vacuumed
Bathrooms clean. Wastebaskets emptied. Fresh towels hung.
Dishes always done.
No clutter
Beds made
Grocery shopping done
Errands done
Doctors/dentist appointments scheduled and kept
Daily exercise
Weekly manicures
Toys put away
Kids bathed every night
Always do homework with kids
Play with kids each day
Neat and orderly drawers and cupboards

So these are what I feel are basic examples.

I did not add things like silver always polished, fridge cleaned weekly, windows washed...

So I’m not even talking museum level. I just mean the basics.

Does it make sense that not all these things are done if the kids are in school all day?

amother

Lawngreen

Tue, Jan 08 2019, 1:11 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

Yes, because you excluded one very important thing:

Self care for the human being (not a hired hand or machine) that's doing all the rest of the stuff on that list.

mommy3b2c

Tue, Jan 08 2019, 1:12 pm

amother wrote:

Yes, because you excluded one very important thing:

Self care for the human being (not a hired hand or machine) that's doing all the rest of the stuff on that list.

Can you explain? I’m not sure what you mean?

mommy3b2c

Tue, Jan 08 2019, 1:16 pm

amother wrote:

I know this isn't an excuse but this list would have scared me until recently when I started an adhd medication. Boy do I see a difference in my productivity now.

Can you explain more about that? Do you feel different? Does your brain not race as much?

amother

Lawngreen

Tue, Jan 08 2019, 1:17 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

Can you explain? I’m not sure what you mean?

Where's some time for yourself? You're a person too and your needs are to be included in the management of a home, just like you include the needs of everyone else in your home.

We are not machines that have to churn out the same results day in, day out. Of course there are some mandatory things on that list, but what will happen if the toys are not packed away one day, or the dishes are not done, or if challahs are store bought and in exchange you did something that rejuvenates you. - Or if just not doing something allowed you to be less stressed and more focused on the kids when they walk through the door?

ectomorph

Tue, Jan 08 2019, 1:18 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

I got overwhelmed reading your list

It depends. 3 special needs kids waking up at night is different than 3 easy kids who sleep from6pm to 8am.

A husband who helps out is different than a husband who is never available.

Your mental ability to handle cleaning also makes a difference.

SixOfWands

Tue, Jan 08 2019, 1:20 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

Here’s my question.

SNIP

So I’m not even talking museum level. I just mean the basics.

Does it make sense that not all these things are done if the kids are in school all day?

My dear, you are mommy3b2c, not Rosie the Robot

You don't need an "excuse" not to be perfect. Or some 1950s housewife manual version of perfect. You do you.

amother

Mustard

Tue, Jan 08 2019, 1:21 pm

Not everything on the list is basic household chores.
Fresh baked goods, homemade challa, kids bathe every night, weekly manicures, these things are not a must. That said, my excuse is that I'm bh pregnant and I don't do more that the bare minimum.

amother

Floralwhite

Tue, Jan 08 2019, 1:24 pm

Goodness! That list is awful! I mean, seriously, are there people who do that everyday!? so perfectly?! are there families who expect it as the constant norm? aagh.

I am SAHM for a few years now. I worked my &*% off for the beginning of my marriage and with babies and now I am just plain lazy when I can be. That list is ridiculous. It doesn't show anything about standing on your feet cooking for yomtov for a week straight, cleaning for pesach, school vacations, kids getting sick, kids not sleeping at night, fighting with your husband, fighting with your mom and the headspace that entails, tutoring/therapy for children, listening to your kids and husband vent and trying to be emotionally present and emotionally helpful, and just plain getting tired... That is too much. Gosh.

SO yes there is an excuse for not doing all that. Its called I have one life and I will dam* well live it.

You my friend are WAY too hard on yourself. No no no. this list has got to go.

Cheiny

Tue, Jan 08 2019, 1:25 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

Most people wouldn’t consider that extensive list to be “ the basics.” What’s your point?

Last edited by Cheiny on Tue, Jan 08 2019, 2:38 pm; edited 1 time in total

mommy3b2c

Tue, Jan 08 2019, 1:26 pm

amother wrote:

I do take time for myself. But shouldn’t I be able to complete this anyway?