How much say does a principal have?

amother

Mistyrose

Tue, Jan 08 2019, 7:28 pm

I never heard of him going the tuition threat route, the other families just enrolled the kids where they wanted to.
He is the menahel and owner so jo one higher to go to.

Yes I have kids not in school yet; and other kids in this school.

I feel like I'm being bullied to put my ds into a yeshiva he doesn't want to go to and will not be good for him.

amother

Oak

Tue, Jan 08 2019, 7:54 pm

Thank you so much for your interest in DS. It means the world to us. We also are truly grateful for the financial assistance that has allowed us to keep our boys in your school, which has been so good for them.

We have really and truly taken everything you said into consideration, as we value your opinion. But we still feel that HS X is right for DS, so our decision is made.

If he would threaten or blackmail you over this, do you really want your other kids in his school?

mp5

Wed, Jan 09 2019, 8:10 am

amother wrote:

Denim, yes we do and I am very worried.

I agree with the above - you are the parents. He is overstepping and also being a bully. Not okay, but he has probably gotten away with this type of thing before. However well justified he believes himself to be, a person has to remember his place.

Because you are worried, I think that you and your husband might consider saying what you have already said - in writing. Thank you for your concern, however we believe this is the best for our son etc. etc. Respectfully, politely make your point in a letter. Also your position why it is the parents decision, and please to not bring the reduced tuition into it. Subtly refer to his repeated calls etc, so it is written down. Anyone looking on from the side should be able to see what is actually going on from what you write.

It is easy to ignore something that is verbally said. On the other hand, once it is written, especially before he has a chance to take action and to do something that could possibly hurt you, you have a powerful documentation for what was. Even if you don't use it in a lawsuit, make it public or whatever to get justice, the mere fact that it has been written before the fact will probably make him pause and think twice before calling you again, let alone before taking action in an unjust way.

amother

Babypink

Wed, Jan 09 2019, 10:30 am

I hate to be cynical, but is it possible that the menahel is pushing you because he is primarily concerned with how your son's (and other boys') yeshiva choices will reflect on his school?

If he is trying to market his school as trending to the right or as a feeder to certain high schools, then boys going to high schools perceived as "modern" by his target market would pose a problem. For those boys who could, but CHOOSE not to, enroll in one of the yeshiva he views as desirable, he may view it as a particular loss.

I don't know if this is part of the reason for his objections. But just be aware that he may be driven by his own institutional considerations, not just your son's personal best interests. Of course, you and your family husband should do what is best for your son. Hatzlacha!

amother

Mistyrose

Wed, Jan 09 2019, 12:26 pm

Thank u all so much; the written idea is a good one.
I agree that it is very much not in the kid's best interest; it is very much school image/financial based.
There is 1 other smaller elementaey school nearby, but it's not a good fit for my younger kids.

singleagain

Wed, Jan 09 2019, 1:45 pm

I agree that it is not at all the principal's decision. He certainly should not be blackmailing/threatening you in any way. Stand strong and don't let him push you in any direction.

When I was looking to go to sem after hs .. I found out that my principal sabatoged one of my interviews, bc she didn't think I should do to Israel. I almost didn't have a place and only at the very end of the summer I find a program. I had an amazing time ... But I almost didn't all bc a principal thought she knew better (and I didn't even have a relationship with her)

amother

Black

Wed, Jan 09 2019, 2:06 pm

Sorry, op, that u are in this position. Clearly, this principal is being a bully. Whatever his intentions, he is not acknowledging that u are the parent and have the final say. He wants u to let him make the decision.

No matter his intention, since he is the owner, the position of power he has now has caused him to become corrupt such that even after making suggestions to u, he refuses to stop pressuring u. He is wrong, and I've Been in situations where the ppl in power can and will do things to benefit themselves regardless of ur concerns and many times regardless of wats best for the students. Unfortunately, ur concerns are real. He very well may force u to pay full tuition for ur other kids if u don't listen. I wont advise u. Wat to do, but I'm sorry ur stuck in this position. I've lost my trust in principals and board members because of a similar issue that brought out their "bad side".

Its very stressful that this principal is trying to force u with a threat of increased tuition. Its none of his business, but he does have power because he is the owner and we don't have choice to send our kids to public school. This principal knows he's in power and is using his power to control u and force u to send to the high school he wants u to.

amother

Apricot

Wed, Jan 09 2019, 2:26 pm

I’ve been through something similar. Before my children graduated high school, We took him out so he wasn’t there in grade 12. The Rebbe wasn’t a match for my son. The owner menahel went behind our backs and tried to convince my child that his parents are making a mistake. It didn’t work and we didn’t send our child there but he also didn’t accept another child of mine to his Yeshiva.
You have to weigh the your choices and then do what’s best for your child.

amother

Blush

Wed, Jan 09 2019, 4:50 pm

I've lived in various communities and have at times received a tuition break, but it was never the principal's decision or in fact had any input in it at all. There was a tuition committee, and when we had to discuss it with one person (since the members of the committee were a secret), we discussed with the Executive Director or Director of Development. The principal dealt with teachers, curriculum, students, behavior, etc. He had no say whatsoever on who gets a tuition break or why, and in fact such information was not revealed to him.

This is why I am surprised he is couching the tuition break as a favor from him to you that you now need to cash in on. I've lived in small towns and know how the powerful people can run the show, but this is still odd to me.

OP: don't give in. You send your son where he needs to go and that's it. If it actually comes down to the principal revoking your tuition deal with your remaining kids, I would hope there is some committee of some sort you can appeal to. I really do. Otherwise, I hate to say this, but the whole place is poison and you need to get out. You can't send your kids to a place run by someone who moves your kids around like chess pieces for his own personal reasons. I've moved towns for such reasons before.

amother

Mistyrose

Mon, Jan 14 2019, 4:54 pm

OP here, the menahel called again demanding a meeting. Dh is extremely busy and said he will come in a few weeks.
The menahel said if dh wont come in immediately, all our kids are kicked out for next year.
So to anyone who thought in any way that he has my ds's interests at heart- he clearly does not
Its all a power play.

saw50st8

Mon, Jan 14 2019, 4:58 pm

amother wrote:

You should tell him that exactly. There is no way he has any of your kids best interest at heart.

amother

Blush

Mon, Jan 14 2019, 5:01 pm

amother wrote:

Surely there has to be someone you can appeal to to reign this bully in. A really rich person? Someone who is related to the really rich person? Beg the rav? Somebody has to be able to help you. This is crazy.

amother

Mistyrose

Mon, Jan 14 2019, 5:07 pm

We tried a few years ago with another issue and no one wanted to get involved. It's really crazy.
I'm so disgusted.
And at this point we don't want our kids in this school w such an attitude but it means finding new schools for a lot of kids.

amother

Blonde

Mon, Jan 14 2019, 9:10 pm

not sure if this is the same school but my son is also graduating elementary school in a community that sounds similar to you. I too want my son to go to a school that is considered a little more to the left- eventhough I don't think it is and It seems like the best fit for my son. I had a meeting with the menahel and he used the same words verbatim!
They say Halel on yom haatzmaut and the rosh yeshiva wears a kappa sruga. I told him that doesn't scare me. He said it's like sending your kids to the other school in town.(one that is considered not as yeshivish as my son's school). I started laughing and he asked what's so funny. I said " I guess you didn't know but I transferred my girls out of your school and into the other school about three years ago".
He was shocked. I think they are soo scared on these other schools that they think they are saving your kid.