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amother




Green


Post  Tue, Jan 08 2019, 6:48 pm
Since I got married at one point in my life I was a very full time working mom, part time working mom, and a sahm... I got to experience it all.


On being a sahm.....
Being a sahm does not mean you have work your energy off to have a super clean house, gourmet suppers daily, no cleaning help and tons of energy when the hubby comes home while having worked out for at least an hour that day too. While I was busy with a demanding toddler that didn’t nap all day and that refused to sit in her stroller, some working moms I know had very full time help because they were working. They came home to a clean house and the laundry folded. Sahms are allowed to have help, take naps if they feel like it, and whatever else they feel like. Being a wife and mother is exhausting whether you work or not. A lot of responsibilities like making Shabbos every week plus plus falls on your head. There was a post here called the lunch ladies where people were amused that ladies eat out lunch all the time. Well... I used to meet my friends( who all worked as well) on their lunch break once every few weeks. It was one hour where we caught up on everyones lives. I wasn’t the only one there during my lunch break. It’s very easy to judge others. Really, we are all busy in our own ways.
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amother




Oak


Post  Tue, Jan 08 2019, 6:52 pm
I am bh a sahm. What people dont see in my case is that my husband literally does nothing in the house ever. And he has very high standards. He works very hard at his job. As a result I took more help over the years. I don't live up to his standard but with help we have shalom bayis.

But I never have a chance to relax or go out to eat with a friend. I'm constantly busy.
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mig100




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Jan 08 2019, 6:52 pm
Thank u great post!

I don't need an excuse not to b a superman. And if some strange creature would ask me for one ( usually our own voice) id say because I'm "me" and not somone else. AND THAT'S WHO I'M MEANT TO BE!!

LOL LOL LOL
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thunderstorm




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Jan 08 2019, 7:01 pm
I find being a SAHM to be more challenging. I also expect more from myself and don't cut myself enough slack . But when I'm working I feel less guilty indulging in my self care or kvetching that I need more help. Being a SAHM puts me into a category where no kvetching is allowed. I'm supposed to be happy being home and having "all day"... when really I had much more of the day to myself when I worked out of my home. So to those that think being a SAHM is the easy way out... you are wrong.
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amother




Lawngreen


Post  Tue, Jan 08 2019, 7:03 pm
I dont think I would ever give up my job to be a stay at home mom if it meant keeping my toddlers home with me and giving up my cleaning help... that's not for me.
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amother




Blonde


Post  Tue, Jan 08 2019, 7:11 pm
I let go of any guilt I felt for not being able to do it all a long time ago. This life is too short to feel guilty because we had pizza for dinner instead of an elaborate 5-course meal or because my house doesn’t look like a magazine. Not worth the stress, feelings of self doubt.
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amother




Red


Post  Tue, Jan 08 2019, 7:12 pm
I’m one of the working mums, full day, who doesnt understand why you don’t get it done.
I have all those responsibilities, fresh food nightly, shabbos... I have all of those, with my full time job. Life is a marathon, some days full, some days half distance.
I’m not judging, I genuinely would like to know. PG in several years DH will earn enough for me to leave work.
Will I just do things slower, or relax between chores. Maybe I will stop multi tasking and slow down enough to focus and smell the flowers.
What is life like as a sahm?
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amother




Green


Post  Tue, Jan 08 2019, 7:31 pm
amother wrote:
I’m one of the working mums, full day, who doesnt understand why you don’t get it done.
I have all those responsibilities, fresh food nightly, shabbos... I have all of those, with my full time job. Life is a marathon, some days full, some days half distance.
I’m not judging, I genuinely would like to know. PG in several years DH will earn enough for me to leave work.
Will I just do things slower, or relax between chores. Maybe I will stop multi tasking and slow down enough to focus and smell the flowers.
What is life like as a sahm?


I’m home with a toddler that keeps me very busy and gives me zero me time. Where I go she goes. What I do she wants to do. Try folding laundry while your toddler sits on the bed trying to “fold” the laundry that is already folded. I am currently in my third trimester b”h and have no cleaning help. I have a nice sized house and it’s draining to maintain it on a daily basis. Twice a week I clean the whole house including vaccuming all steps and washing under beds ( I have a dusty house). I wash dishes almost every night and I can barely stand for a few minutes at that point.
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amother




cornflower


Post  Tue, Jan 08 2019, 7:37 pm
I 100% agree with you on everything. But I thought the OP of the other thread said all her children were in school until 4. That is a drastically different story than being home with a baby or toddler
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SuperWify




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Jan 08 2019, 9:31 pm
amother wrote:
I’m one of the working mums, full day, who doesnt understand why you don’t get it done.
I have all those responsibilities, fresh food nightly, shabbos... I have all of those, with my full time job. Life is a marathon, some days full, some days half distance.
I’m not judging, I genuinely would like to know. PG in several years DH will earn enough for me to leave work.
Will I just do things slower, or relax between chores. Maybe I will stop multi tasking and slow down enough to focus and smell the flowers.
What is life like as a sahm?


It’s very simple. When you work full time you generally have a lot of cleaning help. You for sure don’t have your babies with you all day. You know you must be organized so you are.

When your home your stuck with your delicious kids who don’t let you keep your house clean but you feel like you must do everything perfectly and take no shortcuts or help because after all you do “nothing” all day.
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EMEN




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Jan 09 2019, 10:50 am
I accomplish less on Sundays when I'm home than on any other day of the week.
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Chayalle




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Jan 09 2019, 10:52 am
EMEN wrote:
I accomplish less on Sundays when I'm home than on any other day of the week.


I'm usually more tired on Sunday nights than any other day of the week.
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saw50st8




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Jan 09 2019, 11:45 am
amother wrote:
I’m one of the working mums, full day, who doesnt understand why you don’t get it done.
I have all those responsibilities, fresh food nightly, shabbos... I have all of those, with my full time job. Life is a marathon, some days full, some days half distance.
I’m not judging, I genuinely would like to know. PG in several years DH will earn enough for me to leave work.
Will I just do things slower, or relax between chores. Maybe I will stop multi tasking and slow down enough to focus and smell the flowers.
What is life like as a sahm?


As someone who works full time but has taken long leaves for maternity leave (I was home for 9 months) - it's not that SAHM have more responsibilities, they have more time to accomplish the things that I often push off because I don't have time. So they still have a full workload to complete at home. It was amazing to me what I could accomplish with 3 kids 3 and under at home that I couldn't when I was working. But there was still a ton to do!
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saw50st8




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Jan 09 2019, 11:48 am
SuperWify wrote:
It’s very simple. When you work full time you generally have a lot of cleaning help. You for sure don’t have your babies with you all day. You know you must be organized so you are.

When your home your stuck with your delicious kids who don’t let you keep your house clean but you feel like you must do everything perfectly and take no shortcuts or help because after all you do “nothing” all day.


Many full time working mothers don't have any cleaning help. I was in that situation until this fall due to my after care situation for my kids but it likely will end in June. We survive.
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amother




Dodgerblue


Post  Wed, Jan 09 2019, 12:33 pm
SuperWify wrote:
It’s very simple. When you work full time you generally have a lot of cleaning help. You for sure don’t have your babies with you all day. You know you must be organized so you are.

When your home your stuck with your delicious kids who don’t let you keep your house clean but you feel like you must do everything perfectly and take no shortcuts or help because after all you do “nothing” all day.

I work full time and have cleaning help once a week. I take shortcuts but cook every day. I do my own laundry though half the clean clothes get folded by someone else.
It's a process but yes it forces you to be organized even though you wish things could be more relaxed.
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Ruchel




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Jan 09 2019, 1:34 pm
Many FT workers share more chores, have more help, or don't put themselves in crazy expectations. Also I'd rather be at a desk than run after a toddler.
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doodlesmom




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Jan 09 2019, 2:17 pm
I've thought about it and the ones that are the worst off are the poor working moms who can't afford to keep the sitter a minute extra-or send their toddler while on maternity leave, don't have cleaning help and dont buy ready food or other shortcuts typical of working moms.

Obviously there are a lot of factors but my analysis is on the same woman in her situation whether sahm, working well off or working poor.
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yc




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Jan 10 2019, 6:34 am
doodlemom - you have hit the nail on the head!

I'm that working mom who can't afford extra help and all that stuff. Its hard. There were some times I could afford a little more and wow, what a difference it was. Otherwise, you just get by- messy house and all.
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saw50st8




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Jan 10 2019, 7:04 am
doodlesmom wrote:
I've thought about it and the ones that are the worst off are the poor working moms who can't afford to keep the sitter a minute extra-or send their toddler while on maternity leave, don't have cleaning help and dont buy ready food or other shortcuts typical of working moms.

Obviously there are a lot of factors but my analysis is on the same woman in her situation whether sahm, working well off or working poor.


Interesting. I did the above (kept my kids home on maternity leave, ) but it was fantastic! I loved spending time with them. I don't often buy ready made food and only now have some regular cleaning help. I never thought "Poor me!" I just view it as balancing the budget.
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doodlesmom




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Jan 10 2019, 8:09 am
saw50st8 wrote:
Interesting. I did the above (kept my kids home on maternity leave, ) but it was fantastic! I loved spending time with them. I don't often buy ready made food and only now have some regular cleaning help. I never thought "Poor me!" I just view it as balancing the budget.


If that's the case then you're not a typical working woman who sends all her kids away even on her days off, and does errands on the way home from work because how am I supposed to get it done with 2 kids in tow etc.

A week After I gave birth as a sahm I was home with 2 kids full time trying to cook for yom tov and was feeling very overwhelmed.
So when my friend hadn't a baby 2 weeks before yom tov I was stressing out for her until I realized as a working women her toddler went off every day for 6 hours, she had a babysitter/ cleaner in her house for 12 hours a day and a night nurse - in prep for when she starts working......
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