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amother




Cobalt


Post  Thu, Jan 10 2019, 8:12 am
doodlesmom wrote:
If that's the case then you're not a typical working woman who sends all her kids away even on her days off, and does errands on the way home from work because how am I supposed to get it done with 2 kids in tow etc.

A week After I gave birth as a sahm I was home with 2 kids full time trying to cook for yom tov and was feeling very overwhelmed.
So when my friend hadn't a baby 2 weeks before yom tov I was stressing out for her until I realized as a working women her toddler went off every day for 6 hours, she had a babysitter/ cleaner in her house for 12 hours a day and a night nurse - in prep for when she starts working......


I wouldn't call this a typical working woman.
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saw50st8




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Jan 10 2019, 8:31 am
doodlesmom wrote:
If that's the case then you're not a typical working woman who sends all her kids away even on her days off, and does errands on the way home from work because how am I supposed to get it done with 2 kids in tow etc.

A week After I gave birth as a sahm I was home with 2 kids full time trying to cook for yom tov and was feeling very overwhelmed.
So when my friend hadn't a baby 2 weeks before yom tov I was stressing out for her until I realized as a working women her toddler went off every day for 6 hours, she had a babysitter/ cleaner in her house for 12 hours a day and a night nurse - in prep for when she starts working......


I don't know many women who leave their kids in daycare on their days off (which days off do they have that kids don't?) unless it's a one of thing. Most people I know don't have full time help like that, the exception being those who work really long hours like big time lawyers or something!
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doodlesmom




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Jan 10 2019, 8:36 am
True!! But even a typical working woman doesn't keep her toddler home from playgroup while on maternity - or take less cleaning help etc.

On another note the ones who have it easiest must be the wealthy stay at home moms-(not all) the ones that give over the responsibility of their house, kids , and/ or food prep to hired help.
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amother




Amethyst


Post  Thu, Jan 10 2019, 8:46 am
Most women I know who work full time have full time help. And the help usually does cleaning and a lot around the house.
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saw50st8




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Jan 10 2019, 8:47 am
Having my kids home meant I could extend my maternity leave to 9 months because I wasn't paying for daycare. I'd rather be home than working! For me, it's much easier and enjoyable. Many people have short leaves and don't want to risk their spot so they can't pull their child.

I think everyone's situation can be very hard for themselves. Even for rich women with limited responsibility.
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keym




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Jan 10 2019, 8:53 am
I don't know. I work almost full time (7hrs) but I do babysitting/playgroup etc so I have the worst of both.
Mess in my house. When the kids come home, I'm exhausted.
I send my older toddlers(2 1/2-3) out to playgroups because it ruins the flow of my group.
So when I had babies, I continued sending my older ones out because I didn't want to lose my slot, but it was only for 5 hours a day.

But most working mothers I know feel this immense pressure to get back to themselves and their job by 6 weeks, 8 weeks the latest because they just can't afford to.
That means by 6 weeks old, no naps during the day no matter what kind of night the baby gave you.

I will also say that all my working friends, no one has more than 5-6 hours WEEKLY of cleaning help, and only send their kids out the bare minimum they need.
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DVOM




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Jan 10 2019, 9:13 am
Since we are all sharing our anecdotal evidence, I'll share mine.

I loved (loved loved loved loved!) being a stay at home mom. This has happened twice; after my second son was born I did not go back to work for about a year, and after my last baby was born, I took about six months off from work. With each, my older children were out of the house for about 4-5 hours.


Being a stay at home mom was BY FAR more relaxing and easier than my current full time work schedule. Both of those babies were screamers, and I found they were happiest in motion. I took long walks every day, swept, mopped, and picked up and put away with my baby in the bijorn. I watched movies while I folded laundry. I took a loooong time with my grocery shopping, enjoying the 'that is the cutest baby!' comments from other grocery store shoppers. I played music all day long, and sang to my babies constantly. I talked on the phone to my mom, sisters, friends, and got together with them. I lay on the floor or on my bed or on the grass in a park with my baby laying on my belly and daydreamed. When my baby napped I cooked or painted, and when he didn't, I skipped those things that day. When my bigger boys came home from school it was more a juggle, but I knew that if the house got messy, there would always be more hours the next day, long, unstructured hours for me to catch up. The pressure to get things done NOW wasn't there.


The pace of my life was slower, softer... It wasn't necessarily less busy, but it was busy with things I really cherished being busy with. I look back on that time in my life as a time when I was able to really focus on the things that are most important to me.
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amother




Bisque


Post  Thu, Jan 10 2019, 9:18 am
I don’t understand why people are judging other people if they should be working or not and if it’s easier for them or are lucky as they have hired help and so on... No ones knows the other persons circumstances in life. I don’t work and keep getting asked these questions from people all the time if I work, and they unknowingly try to make you feel stupid (like I owe them an explanation) and ask me all the time, but what do you do all day... or why don’t you try this or that. I have a lot on my plate which is no ones business btw... Who said I HAVE to work. It became the norm today for woman to work and anyone who doesn’t is looked at as the moron. What happened to the “Yiddishe Mamme”? Who has many responsibilities and roles and even if I don’t have kids at home at the time there’s always plenty to do besides housework. And no one has to answer to others judgements or jealousy (which they shouldn’t be jealous of my life). I’m not saying don’t work, if you need the money to make ends meet financially or if that is for you airing out or keeping busy as you choose being out of the house for sanity sake over childcare and so on then do what works for you!!! Everyone needs to respect others and realize that other people’s lives ARE NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! To each their own. Besides, as you can see it doesn’t bring to good things when comparing or looking at others. It only brings resentment, jealousy and creates unhappy people for those that have no choice in the matter. If your asking for a purpose like you want to know how others manage for the the sake of maybe getting some tips that might be helpful is one thing, but again what works for them might not be possible for you so take things with a grain of salt and be happy with your pekel as no good comes out of it.
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keym




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Jan 10 2019, 1:18 pm
saw50st8 wrote:
Having my kids home meant I could extend my maternity leave to 9 months because I wasn't paying for daycare. I'd rather be home than working! For me, it's much easier and enjoyable. Many people have short leaves and don't want to risk their spot so they can't pull their child.

I think everyone's situation can be very hard for themselves. Even for rich women with limited responsibility.


Such a situation also doesn't work when you're kids are slightly older and in school because tuition is paid even if the kid is out of school (at least under my tuition contract).
Unless you plan on pulling your kids to homeschool for the entire year.
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Ruchel




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Jan 11 2019, 7:43 am
I don't know anyone with FT help (in the movies yes)
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