S/O excuse thead - how do chassidim manage?

Wed, Jan 09 2019, 9:14 am

Zak. I don't know where you're taking this information from. It's not reality. Yes. Hungarian chassidim have it in them to be baal habustes, but they DON'T wash walls daily and DON'T do lots of other things. These posts are creating a distorted view. We are VERY active and loving and warm giving people with great taste. We are not anything close to the picture you created in your mind

thunderstorm

Wed, Jan 09 2019, 9:26 am

Chasiddim are part of the same human race as the rest of us. They are no different in capabilities than the rest of us. But we all focus on different things. Some will focus on being an amazing house keeper, some will focus on being an amazing bread winner, some will focus on being an amazing mother , some will focus on being an amazing wife. It all has to do with what we are used to, what we enjoy, what we get satisfaction out of and what our priorities are.
Painting a broad brush that all chasiddim are the greatest bablabustas is incorrect. You will find perfect balabustas everywhere, and you will find imperfect balabustas everywhere.

Chayalle

Wed, Jan 09 2019, 9:27 am

FranticFrummie wrote:

I'm curious about Yeshivish women. They have to work full time to support their learning husbands. The husbands often learn all day, come home for dinner, go to night seder, and aren't back home until 11pm or even later.

The simple answer from this Yeshivish woman is , of course, that I am of Hungarian descent.

Smile

amother

Ecru

Wed, Jan 09 2019, 9:36 am

FranticFrummie wrote:

I find they don’t take care of themselves they look unkempt there kids most of the time look the same. I don’t know why they can’t just get it together.

amother

Sienna

Wed, Jan 09 2019, 9:37 am

amother wrote:

Maybe she is OCD, but how does she manage to wash her walls weekly in addition to everything on the list and be a devoted mother and calm?

I can only speak for myself, but perhaps it'll give you an idea that what you see and what actually goes on in the home is two different things.

My mom did everything on the list, plus wash the walls, the venetian blinds (yes, every single slat), and plus much more. But she may have appeared calm and a devoted mother to everyone on the outside, but on the inside it was anything but. We always had to tread carefully in the house so not to unexpectedly place a fingerprint in the wrong place, and we kids had to do our part in washing the walls, the venetian blinds, refrigerators and cleaning light fixtures weekly. A cleaning lady once a week can only do so much. Not being able to join my friends in whatever they were doing, even for studying sessions, was a daily/weekly thing. The house was the top priority, everything else fell well below it.

Chayalle

Wed, Jan 09 2019, 9:38 am

amother wrote:

I find they don’t take care of themselves they look unkempt there kids most of the time look the same. I don’t know why they can’t just get it together.

Totally shocked by this post.

(most yeshivish women I know look put-together, and so do their kids.)

To add - some of us don't make it a priority to wear fancy shmancy clothes, and have all our kids decked out from head to toe in designer who-knows-what. But we do take care of ourselves, and we do look put together, even if we are more simple.

Last edited by Chayalle on Wed, Jan 09 2019, 9:52 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Ecru

Wed, Jan 09 2019, 9:40 am

amother wrote:

Would you mind posting how you organize typical day? Also, would you mind posting how big your family is?

I have a friend who washes her walls weekly with no help and 9 kids. I can't figure out how this is possible because she is always up for an outing during the day.

I have 6 kids 12 and under!

Make beds daily sweep put stuff where they belong when I put away laundry which is usually Tuesday and Friday I organize the drawers again. I organize and tidy the dining room on Sunday’s. Thursday is a day in the kitchen baking and cooking

I never buy ready stuff in the grocery or the bakery my kids barely have takeout food. I do a menu for the week on tuesdays for the next week because I grocery shop on Wednesday and do my errands then.

I don’t wash my walls weekly we are not pigs yes the kitchen wall next to the table needs to be washed weekly

naturalmom5

Wed, Jan 09 2019, 9:50 am

amother wrote:

In Israel, people say it's Moroccan women who cook elaborate meals and keep their houses spotless.

Either way, ask one of these super housekeepers what she's reading these days and you're likely to get a blank stare. Everything comes at a cost.

Precisely, I do business with many of these Chasidish ladies..

Most are very very nervous. Getting the right accessories for their child's hair or the right floor cleaner is way more intense and deadly serious then Trump negotiating with Kim..

I learn with secular women through Partners in Torah. They are 100x more spiritual than any of these spitz balibustas....

Last edited by naturalmom5 on Wed, Jan 09 2019, 9:59 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Blush

Wed, Jan 09 2019, 9:55 am

Chassidish here. My mother has a huge family, more than 12 children. It still amazes me. There was ALWAYS a full supper on the table exactly 5:00 (even before we left to a chasunah). There was ALWAYS fresh clean laundry put away. I can say I do not recall even once that there wasn't supper (my father cooked in the rare case when she wasn't home). Not even once was there a problem that there was an unwashed article of clothing. Not even once did she forget a single thing to cook or prepare for Shabbos. The silver was always gleaming. She took excellent care of her babies and toddlers. There were never holes in clothing, buttons missing or hems falling. There was always delicious baked goods in the freezer. We always had enough clothing. Never did we worry about it. Mom was very proactive and we were never infested with lice.

My father took care of our homework. While my mom served supper, my father sat with all of us at the table, fed the little ones and we discussed school, friends etc. My father did the grocery shopping. My father actively took care of our emotional needs. We were poor but a real happy family. The kids weren't aware that there is a shortage of money.

My mother sometimes yelled at us (when she was overwhelmed). She taught us to help by giving us jobs and I'm still proud of it. The young kids bathed only once a week (gasp). The older children's bedrooms were generally not very clean. My mom didn't wear stylish clothing neither did we. Mom never exercised.

We did not have household help. Only rarely before Pesach.

On top of all this my generous parents let my divorced aunt with 5 wild children live in our home for a few years..

amother

Blue

Wed, Jan 09 2019, 10:02 am

I'm Chassidish. My mother is Hungarian and while her family cleans and is busy with housework, they are not really that clean. My father's family, who are Polish/Russian/etc. are so clean that literally the home of any of his family members can be licked at any second. They are much better homemakers and are cleaner than almost anyone I know. Chassidim just have sparkling homes because it is the standards of the community - also women take pride in that. Anyways, I work full time, as does DH so I have full time cleaning help who clean and cook which is why my home is always clean. I still clean when I get home because I take after my father's family.

amother

White

Wed, Jan 09 2019, 10:03 am

I remember when my friend was switching to a more yeshivish/jpf community and she went to look at houses. She was horrified at how cluttered and dirty those women were keeping their homes. I never even knew there are people who keep their homes like that. If I don’t have at least a basic supper prepared, or the dishes are in the sink overnight I feel like a failure.
That said I have no idea how I would manage if I’d have to work.

amother

Sienna

Wed, Jan 09 2019, 10:10 am

naturalmom5 wrote:

Precisely, I do business with many of these Chasidish ladies..

Most are very very nervous. Getting the right for their child's hair or the right floor cleaner is way more intense and deadly serious then Trump negotiating with Kim..

I learn with secular women through Partners in Torah. They are 100x more spiritual than any of these spitz balibustas....

I agree that a lot of the chassidish ladies are very not spiritual, but I don't think it's caused by being obsessed with style or clean homes. I think it's reverse, where the obsession is an outgrowth of the lack of spiritual education given to them.

In many of the chassidish schools, the Jewish education stressed is mostly halacha and tznius guidelines. Hashkafah is very limited, and the girls are taught not to think for themselves. They're taught not to question too much, fulfill their roles, and just follow their husband's and Rav's expectation of them.

Every person has to expend and invest their energy into something. So if not much of it is going into spirituality or divested into other places, all their energy ends up being directed into one place - dressing their kids and their upkeep of their home. If all the energy flows into one area, it can easily transform into an obsession.

(And just to preempt the expected - Yes, not all chassidim are like this and yes, not all chassidish school are like this.)

asmileaday

Wed, Jan 09 2019, 10:11 am

amother wrote:

That's a very unfair stereotype. I can't begin to tell you how many chassidish homes I've visited that fall into the pig sty category as well.
And for that matter non jewish homes too. My non jewish acquaintance told me she washes laundry about once in 3 weeks when she runs out of clothes.

It's not about yeshivish, chassidish etc... It's about a person's upbringing and personality.
You have all kinds in all circles.

amother

Violet

Wed, Jan 09 2019, 10:14 am

amother wrote:

Well goody for you. You are soooo cool! Can I touch you? Rolling Eyes

amother

Gray

Wed, Jan 09 2019, 10:27 am

amother wrote:

OP here: I don't think that's a fair statement. Every one of my chassidish friends are deeply spiritual which is why they don't question so much. They are highly indoctrinated and accept their role. Hashem is part of their lives.

Of course there are dropouts, but they aren't part of my circle.

Rappel

Wed, Jan 09 2019, 10:28 am

thunderstorm wrote:

. But we all focus on different things. Some will focus on being an amazing house keeper, some will focus on being an amazing bread winner, some will focus on being an amazing mother , some will focus on being an amazing wife. It all has to do with what we are used to, what we enjoy, what we get satisfaction out of and what our priorities are.

Thanks for this post. It revived my self-esteem a little bit. I was drumming a tattoo of self-condemnation after reading about these women who wash their walls and have perfectly neat and clean homes, are perfect mothers while keeping everything mended and organized...

But really, my priorities are just different. Not better or worse, but they're important to me, so the house comes second (third, fourth, sixth... Hiding

)

amother

Gray

Wed, Jan 09 2019, 10:29 am

asmileaday wrote:

Not every stereotype is true in every case, but there are enough spotless, well run chassidish homes to make the stereotype largely true.

I don't see the same level of perfection elsewhere often.

oliveoil

Wed, Jan 09 2019, 10:36 am

amother wrote:

I find they don’t take care of themselves they look unkempt there kids most of the time look the same. I don’t know why they can’t just get it together.

What a gross generalization!

Even if it were true, you're talking about women who are responsible for bringing in all the income, doing all the housework and all the childcare. I can't figure out how they're still standing and you're wondering why they aren't more "together"?

I am flabbergasted.