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amother




Lavender


Post  Wed, Jan 09 2019, 10:47 pm
If you're struggling financially, Welcome aboard to the S. F. Anonymous Group.
On this Thread we will be able to be open, cry together and give each other Chizuk and tips on how to get through this very difficult and trying Nisoyon.
What's your biggest financial struggle?
How do you keep yourself afloat on a daily basis?
Whats your tool to keep on smiling to the world?
How do you feel now?
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amother




Smokey


Post  Wed, Jan 09 2019, 10:50 pm
This is a public board. I'm not comfortable to share. I hate being poor. I also hate being judjed. I also hate hate hate being the case.

Perhaps that keeps me going.
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amother




Lavender


Post  Wed, Jan 09 2019, 10:54 pm
I think the biggest challenge is the nasty comments from outsiders and feeling very judged.
Even more than the Financial struggle itself.
What keeps me going is to totally Surrender to Hashem's will and believe in Yeshuas Hashem Kheref ayin.
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amother




Jade


Post  Wed, Jan 09 2019, 11:42 pm
Daughter's class is chipping in again for a present for the teacher. I already gave Chanukah even though I didn't have the money. What do I do now? I want to be normal
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Surrendered




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Jan 10 2019, 12:47 am
Can you say, I'm not able to chip in right now, privately, to the one who collects the money?
I don't think it sounds odd.
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sped




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Jan 10 2019, 12:55 am
If it's a parent, you really can. I've collected and gotten answers like that, or like I'll give what I can. We just collected 7 shekels (I live in Israel) for a gift, and one mother sent about 2 shekels. I really appreciated her, and checked her off as definitely gave. I think that was nicer than those who just ignored it/didn't respond at all.
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amother




Lavender


Post  Thu, Jan 10 2019, 1:02 am
I've told several people collecting money for gifts that I'd like to chip in but I can't give right now.
They understood and were totally ok with it. People understand that there are circumstances in life when you really can't chip in.
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amother




Mistyrose


Post  Thu, Jan 10 2019, 1:09 am
Im in the club. Things got a better than they were a few months ago (literally no money for food). B'h we had food in the house, but I couldn't go grocery shopping. Still, our situation is soooooo tight. Basically no safety net. We have a few thousand dollars saved for dc1 for college and wedding. We will probably dip into it to pay for a simple bat mitzvah. I don't want to touch it and just make a party at home, but my husband thinks we should make it on the standard that her friends will have (catered food, music,rent a room). We have been able to hide our financial problems from our children, like they had no clue when we had no money for groceries, and all of their basic needs have always been filled. My husband says we should have emmuna that there will be money somehow for dc1's wedding and college when the time comes, and money for other children, and give her the same kind of party that her friends have. I feel that people who have zero money in the bank should not make a fancy bat mitzvah party. I want my daughter to feel special and "normal" but it seems wrong to me to spend money that we don't have.....thoughts?
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amother




Mauve


Post  Thu, Jan 10 2019, 1:22 am
amother wrote:
Im in the club. Things got a better than they were a few months ago (literally no money for food). B'h we had food in the house, but I couldn't go grocery shopping. Still, our situation is soooooo tight. Basically no safety net. We have a few thousand dollars saved for dc1 for college and wedding. We will probably dip into it to pay for a simple bat mitzvah. I don't want to touch it and just make a party at home, but my husband thinks we should make it on the standard that her friends will have (catered food, music,rent a room). We have been able to hide our financial problems from our children, like they had no clue when we had no money for groceries, and all of their basic needs have always been filled. My husband says we should have emmuna that there will be money somehow for dc1's wedding and college when the time comes, and money for other children, and give her the same kind of party that her friends have. I feel that people who have zero money in the bank should not make a fancy bat mitzvah party. I want my daughter to feel special and "normal" but it seems wrong to me to spend money that we don't have.....thoughts?


Do it for your dd, she only has this one chance and I've found that if I'm going to lack anyway why do it at the kids' expense? Unless others will follow your example and make their parties simple as well, consider her party a necessity, not a luxury, and try to subtly cut costs wherever possible.

BTDT and I regret not havin done the same for dd1. After her bas mitzva party dd2 maturely said she wants to forego her gift from us because she considers the party her bas mitzva gift. Mind you she'd been looking forward to that particular gift for months. Do it for your dd, she'll never forget it.
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amother




Yellow


Post  Thu, Jan 10 2019, 2:59 am
Struggling here too. My biggest challenge is working 15 hour days but still not making ends meet. I don't have a minute of my life to breathe. A minute to myself. And I feel like... if I can't afford anything anyway, I might as well not work every minute I'm awake, right?

I disagree about the bat mitzvah. Maybe it's because I'm from the older generation but back in the day, it was OK to tell your child no, or that that's not in our budget, or that we prefer to do things a different way, and we understood. The wealthy girls in the class had X, the non-wealthy girls had Y, and some of the simpler bat mitzvahs were more enjoyable then the fancy ones. There wasn't this feeling of, 'My daughter needs the same sort of party as so-and-so even though they can clearly afford it and we can't.' There were haves and have nots and that was fine.

When I had a bat mitzvah, my parents, who could afford it, didn't want me to have a big party. They offered me an amazing fun slumber party at home with friends and a certain large gift I had wanted for a while. I jumped at the opportunity and it was great. My daughter had a party in our house and it was gorgeous (but that's her school rule so it wasn't out of the ordinary.)

Either way, start saving for her bat mitzvah now in a separate account. Even $10 a month, automatically transferred, if you can't do more. Whatever it is when the time comes will make your burden that much easier.
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amother




Lavender


Post  Thu, Jan 10 2019, 8:53 am
There's a huge difference between having a decent income, living Frugally and still not covering all, many average families are in this bracket.

Struggling financially in this thread means living poorly.
Poverty means having no money. Living on air. We are in that bracket because DH lost his job for no fault of his own. We have no income and a family to support.
Do we buy what we NEED? Yes.
I won't go out or let my kids walk out like a pauper with torn shoes and clothing because we don't have the means. We won't eat leaves for dinner. I'm not gonna let my unfortunate innocent children live in frost throughout the night.
I also deserve to be treated to an outing or something for myself as a hardworking mother of a family, though I can't afford much.
I'm not going let ourselves be the petty of the town and show everyone, hey look, we are poor.
We are respected people and wanna keep that for our dignity. It's hard anough to deal with our situation but are careful not to show it.
Unfortunately it this point of the game, if someone will offer some money, I won't turn down the offer because we can't make it orherwise.
When you see me outside, you will never know.
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dankbar




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Jan 10 2019, 9:46 am
I think food comes before wedding & college savings. If you are literally starving......
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amother




Natural


Post  Thu, Jan 10 2019, 11:27 am
I could write a megillah, but I think the worst thing is when tzedaka collectors come to my door. Often, I only have a handful of agurot to donate. I've had people sniff and hand it back to me with a withering look. I really, really hate that. Not only does it crush my dignity, it keeps me from doing a mitzva. I suppose the intent to do a mitzva gets the same amount of credit, but it still makes me feel bad.
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amother




Bisque


Post  Thu, Jan 10 2019, 12:30 pm
amother wrote:
If you're struggling financially, Welcome aboard to the S. F. Anonymous Group.
On this Thread we will be able to be open, cry together and give each other Chizuk and tips on how to get through this very difficult and trying Nisoyon.
What's your biggest financial struggle?
How do you keep yourself afloat on a daily basis?
Whats your tool to keep on smiling to the world?
How do you feel now?


I curently have $4 in my bank account and have been living on almost nothing all week and my account was constantly overdrawn. I had to buy food last night by cc bec didn't have a penny to lay out. Even that was just the basic snacks for school. I constantly buy food by a grocery that lets me write it down until it adds up to a few thousand. Then I pay off closer to YT with tzedakah funds. I don't have money to buy food.
Last year, my husband got steady check every 2 weeks, this year his job is constantly changing and fluctuating and very unsteady and unstable. He tries his best but it hardly helps. I work full time thru exhaustion and still never have a penny. We hardly have govt assistance and those who work much less than us have way more money than us. We don't own our home and can't even think of buying a home. I can't even afford new window shades, can't imagine painting, carpeting, flooring etc.
Tuition my husband takes care of, I can't handle it. BH our school is very understanding and doesn't pressure, at least not me.
I know every penny I'm supposed to have is from Hashem, it's just so hard to always work so hard and never have money while those who don't work have so much more. It's a nisayon.
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amother




Lavender


Post  Thu, Jan 10 2019, 9:26 pm
Bisque, I read through your post several times to see if it wasn't me writing it. I'm riding in the same boat as you. It's extremely hard to keep ourselves happy and above the water and swim through the powerful waves.
So Welcome aboard friend, riding together and supporting each other is half the yeshua. That was exactly my point with bringing up this post.
I'm sure there are plenty of people riding the same boat in the same water waves.
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amother




Mistyrose


Post  Fri, Jan 11 2019, 1:40 am
dankbar wrote:
I think food comes before wedding & college savings. If you are literally starving......


I specifically said we weren't literally starving. we just had no cash at all at the time and the credit cards were maxed out for a short but scary period of time recently. I fed my family what we had in the pantry or freezer. We had some investments go bad just when my husband had changed jobs and wasn't getting a regular income. we have depleted all savings accounts and safety net money except for the account for dd. Now things are picking up bh, and and we can cover our basic needs. The whole experience just terrified me and makes me want to hoard whatever money we have. I was in the pharmacy the other day deliberating on whether or not I can spend 9 dollars on Echinacea. We are all sick and could use the boost, but does it really work? Is this a necessity? A luxury? When I told my husband about it, he said I need to relax and not live in constriction. We need to have emmuna and a good attitude and hashem will take care of us.
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amother




Bisque


Post  Fri, Jan 11 2019, 9:46 am
amother wrote:
Bisque, I read through your post several times to see if it wasn't me writing it. I'm riding in the same boat as you. It's extremely hard to keep ourselves happy and above the water and swim through the powerful waves.
So Welcome aboard friend, riding together and supporting each other is half the yeshua. That was exactly my point with bringing up this post.
I'm sure there are plenty of people riding the same boat in the same water waves.


Thanks, I got paid today my measly paycheck and need to stretch this amount thin for the next 2 weeks. I spoke with someone last night who left my company a few years ago and is earning considerably more than me and feel like such a dope. I watch other families loading large wagons in Gourmet Glatt and wonder how they have the $300 each week to shop for Shabbos. I can only continue thanking Hashem for the wonderful local grocery that lets me shop on credit...
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