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What would you do? Would you say something?
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Vintage




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Jan 10 2019, 6:24 pm
If a guest came to your home for a meal and sat there looking closely at your flatware for
stamps & markings, not even trying to be discreet about it in any way, what would you do?

Would you say anything?
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simba




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Jan 10 2019, 6:29 pm
What were they looking for? Brand name? If it’s sterling silver?

I would ignore it.
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flmommy




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Jan 10 2019, 6:30 pm
Are you sure they weren’t checking it for cleanliness? Some “germ freaks” do that with silverware.
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LittleMissMama




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Jan 10 2019, 6:34 pm
My son is on the spectrum (though not everyone knows this information). Lots of people do bizarre things and just don’t realize it’s not polite or socially appropriate.
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trixx




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Jan 10 2019, 6:43 pm
I always check for cleanliness but I hope I'm discreet
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nchr




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Jan 10 2019, 6:44 pm
Ignore.
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Vintage




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Jan 10 2019, 7:12 pm
simba wrote:
What were they looking for? Brand name? If it’s sterling silver?

I would ignore it.


Definitely not checking for cleanliness; checking for the hallmark to see what it is worth and if sterling silver.
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OutATowner




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Jan 10 2019, 7:12 pm
I would assume that the person liked it and was trying to see what brand it is etc, but might have been too embarrassed to ask you where you got it from.
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amother




Coral


Post  Thu, Jan 10 2019, 7:13 pm
id tend to ignore it but if theres a reason you want to know whats going on you could say "can I help you with something?"
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Vintage




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Jan 10 2019, 7:19 pm
amother wrote:
id tend to ignore it but if theres a reason you want to know whats going on you could say "can I help you with something?"


Terrific, great thing to say, Thanks!
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amother




Copper


Post  Thu, Jan 10 2019, 8:10 pm
Maybe they liked it and was looking which brand makes it
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amother




Cyan


Post  Thu, Jan 10 2019, 9:14 pm
I might ask, "Are you interested in the silverware?" If they like it and are checking the brand, they will say so. If they have a thing for forks, they might say, "Yes, I actually collect forks." If they are socially off and/or literal, they might simply say, "Yes." Most often, they will say, "Not really" and put it down.

I like this because my Aspie would respond to "Can I help you with something?" with a "no" and continue to examine. And some people take it as a criticism.
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zaq




 
 
 


Post  Thu, Jan 10 2019, 9:59 pm
Officially, it’s rude, because it’s nosy, but who’s being hurt by it? Are you ashamed of your flatware?

Saying anything would make you look as tacky as the individual inspecting your cutlery. A gracious hostess doesn’t notice her guests’ social solecisms—or pretends not to.
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imasoftov




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Jan 11 2019, 6:39 am
Maybe they have an unfamiliar utensil at home and want to see if it's your pattern? True story, it's me who has the unidentified flatware object.
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Vintage




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Jan 11 2019, 7:06 am
zaq wrote:
Officially, it’s rude, because it’s nosy, but who’s being hurt by it? Are you ashamed of your flatware?

Saying anything would make you look as tacky as the individual inspecting your cutlery. A gracious hostess doesn’t notice her guests’ social solecisms—or pretends not to.



Quite rude, yes. Ashamed of my flatware, no.

Your response reminds me context is everything. Consider the individual doing the inspecting. In this context, a "Can I help you with something?" or ''Are you interested in the fork?" would be fitting, because the guest I'm referring to deserves to be called out on his rudeness.

Your response also puts into perspective for me that my first concern is about being a gracious hostess, and I need to be more discerning about who my guests are that will be sitting at my dining room table in the future.

Thank You for reminding me of that.
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Vintage




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Jan 11 2019, 7:09 am
imasoftov wrote:
Maybe they have an unfamiliar utensil at home and want to see if it's your pattern? True story, it's me who has the unidentified flatware object.


Very Happy I'm so glad you said that!
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Ruchel




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Jan 11 2019, 7:59 am
I'd be "yes?"
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zaq




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Jan 11 2019, 12:58 pm
Vintage wrote:


my first concern is about being a gracious hostess, and I need to be more discerning about who my guests are that will be sitting at my dining room table in the future.

Thank You for reminding me of that.


I apologize for being unclear. Being a gracious hostess does not mean carefully screening your guests to ensure that only the well-bred grace your table. There’s no “Kuntz” to being a gracious hostess to gracious guests. Being a gracious hostess means treating all your guests with equal grace and kindness, regardless of how boorish they may be.

Being a CLEVER hostess, otoh...
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watergirl




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Jan 11 2019, 1:07 pm
zaq wrote:
Officially, it’s rude, because it’s nosy, but who’s being hurt by it? Are you ashamed of your flatware?

Saying anything would make you look as tacky as the individual inspecting your cutlery. A gracious hostess doesn’t notice her guests’ social solecisms—or pretends not to.

Why is this rude? I've flipped over a knife before to see the company - I am forever replacing my flatware (My dishwasher eats it, I'm positive!) and am often on the look out for flatware that I like. So if I'm at your house and you see me flip a knife over to see the company stamp, I promise I'm not being nosy, I just like it! I would most likely tell you how much I love it... but if I dont, or if I guest doesn't, its not out of crassness or because I was raised in a barn.
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Iymnok




 
 
 


Post  Sat, Jan 12 2019, 2:38 pm
If your dishes look similar to mine, or higher quality, I may ask about them since I’d be embarrassed to flip my dinner plate. I may flip a teacup or saucer.
I will look at your silverware if it looks a similar vintage to my mother’s, or very unique.

Ask your guest, it may be an interesting conversation. There is much to say on the topic.
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