Home

Pet peeves at others' shabbat tables you try not to do
  Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10  Next  Last >>
 
Post new topic       Forum -> Relationships -> Guests

View latest: 24h 48h 72h


amother




Blonde


Post  Fri, Jan 11 2019, 3:58 pm
nachlaot wrote:
I'm sorry, but you obviously skipped this part of the OP: "the purpose of my question isn't to criticize other hosts. it's to get ideas of little things that are important to guests, so we can improve our shabbats. "


I don’t think she skipped that part. Regardless of your intent in posting, I still sense a lack of gratitude to the families that have hosted you. I understand you’re asking the question so that you can improve, but don’t expect everyone else to want to or try to improve in this area too- it’s all about priorities.
Back to top

Squishy




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Jan 11 2019, 4:04 pm
nachlaot wrote:
I'm sorry, but you obviously skipped this part of the OP: "the purpose of my question isn't to criticize other hosts. it's to get ideas of little things that are important to guests, so we can improve our shabbats. "


Let me rephrase. The purpose of my post is not to criticize you, but to tell you that you shouldn't walk into people's homes and judge.

You obviously were a professional guest for a good many meals. You should simply be grateful that so many people opened up their homes to you.

My home is heimeshe. It's not a professional rigid restaurant with Michelin stars. Please feel free to be a relaxed guest in my home and flow with the imperfections or don't come back.
Back to top

Squishy




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Jan 11 2019, 4:07 pm
amother wrote:
I don’t think she skipped that part. Regardless of your intent in posting, I still sense a lack of gratitude to the families that have hosted you. I understand you’re asking the question so that you can improve, but don’t expect everyone else to want to or try to improve in this area too- it’s all about priorities.


It's not her learning to host better. She wants to fix us.
Back to top

nachlaot




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Jan 11 2019, 4:07 pm
amother wrote:
I don’t think she skipped that part. Regardless of your intent in posting, I still sense a lack of gratitude to the families that have hosted you. I understand you’re asking the question so that you can improve, but don’t expect everyone else to want to or try to improve in this area too- it’s all about priorities.


we're grateful to everyone who has hosted us. there are plenty of homes we've been to where the food has been great, the people and conversations have been great, and we've had a overall great time. that doesn't keep us from noticing some little things that the hosts did that we could learn from for our own shabbats.

I'm not expecting or trying to get anyone else on this forum to improve their hosting. if someone is happy with how they're doing things and doesn't care what their guests think, perhaps they shouldn't read this thread if it offends them. I made this thread to try to improve our hosting, not to tell anyone else how to run their table.

Squishy wrote:
It's not her learning to host better. She wants to fix us.


no. it's not nice to put words in other people's' mouths.
Back to top

pesek zman




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Jan 11 2019, 4:10 pm
I agree with Squishy. I try my hardest to always make sure the pitchers are always full and that there’s the exact right balance between introductions and not putting guests on the spot, that the towels are dry and the serving utensils present, that we start on time and don’t drag on. But I’m also a human. I work full time and don’t have help so there may be some ‘imperfection’ and that’s ok because I know my guests know that I care about them. If they want perfection they can go to Reserve Cut, Though they won’t feel cared for there. If I thought any of my guests were judging me in these areas they are more than welcome to cook their own meals and eat at home.
Back to top

Squishy




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Jan 11 2019, 4:13 pm
nachlaot wrote:
we're grateful to everyone who has hosted us. there are plenty of homes we've been to where the food has been great, the people and conversations have been great, and we've had a overall great time. that doesn't keep us from noticing some little things that the hosts did that we could learn from for our own shabbats.

I'm not expecting or trying to get anyone else on this forum to improve their hosting. if someone is happy with how they're doing things and doesn't care what their guests think, perhaps they shouldn't read this thread if it offends them. I made this thread to try to improve our hosting, not to tell anyone else how to run their table.


You are not supposed to notice small things in people's homes. Go with the flow.
Back to top

Squishy




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Jan 11 2019, 4:15 pm
nachlaot wrote:
no. it's not nice to put words in other people's' mouths.


But it is ok for you to criticize Shabbos tables that are run the same way for generations?


Last edited by Squishy on Fri, Jan 11 2019, 4:29 pm; edited 1 time in total
Back to top

amother




cornflower


Post  Fri, Jan 11 2019, 4:23 pm
Serving utensils in all dishes and separate towels or paper towels for every guest. separate cups for wine and other drinks.
Back to top

amother




Blonde


Post  Fri, Jan 11 2019, 4:37 pm
amother wrote:
Serving utensils in all dishes and separate towels or paper towels for every guest. separate cups for wine and other drinks.


Here’s another example of where priorities come in. Not everyone has the same priorities. I think that separate towels for everyone sounds very wasteful. That’s a whole extra load of laundry. If someone is immune compromised they can easily take a paper towel from the kitchen when they wash without even having to ask. Everyone else can wipe their hands on the same couple of hand towels that other people are using to wipe their CLEAN hands. It is ok for most people to be exposed to some germs (obviously exceptions for immune compromised).
Back to top

aliavi




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Jan 11 2019, 5:33 pm
OP, that’s great that you want to give your guests a comfortable meal and have chosen to prioritize hosting. To me it seems like a grateful way to pay it forward as they say.

I’m like the others that are happy to be invited out. I have a severe food allergy and people are so careful. I appreciate this!! I try to not make a big deal out of it. I won’t starve.

I’ll give a suggestion as a positive. We live where there is snow. I like to offer ladies slippers or socks to put on when taking off boots. I keep spare ponchos for guests and the $1 for two pairs of plain gloves. I offer water bottles for the summer when leaving (make sure it’s appropriate based on guest).

If I had a peeve, I’d say it’s when people put dip directly onto their challah, and not to the plate then challah. Sometimes after biting! It’s not considerate of food allergies either.
Back to top

nachlaot




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Jan 11 2019, 5:40 pm
Squishy wrote:
But it is ok for you to criticize Shabbos tables that are run the same way for generations?


again, it's not criticism. we're just learning by example and trying to figure out what we like and don't like for our own table -- in order to make our own guests happier.

we're not trashing our hosts to their faces... or behind their backs. this is an anonymous internet forum our hosts aren't being hurt in any way by my post.

if this thread rubs you the wrong way, you don't have to read it!
Back to top

amother




Red


Post  Fri, Jan 11 2019, 6:37 pm
I think the purpose of OP's post was for people who do the hosting to read bc its interesting and so we can decide if we want to change/add anything in our own homes, not because she's trying to criticize or suggesting we should be critical as guests.

I think its an interesting topic. As a guest, I'm a little picky about food so I think its always good when there's a plain green salad that I can eat when I don't like anything else. I have been to many places where the food was very bad and its much easier when there's salad.

As a hostess its annoying when people are too shy to ask for simple things like water, a napkin, ketchup etc.. It should not be a big deal for any hostess to accommodate if they can and we want you to be comfortable.
Back to top

Shuly




 
 
 


Post  Sat, Jan 12 2019, 11:20 am
The person who makes kiddush should not drink from the cup and then give everyone from the cup he drank from!

First pour off some wine/grape juice into a clean cup to pass around to the guests and then drink.

I see this so many times and it really grosses me out.
Back to top

heidi




 
 
 


Post  Sat, Jan 12 2019, 11:47 am
Please offer a healthy option. I've been to people who serve a dressed salad, shnitzel and potato kugel. And the hostess is a size 0. How does she stay that size if that's what she eats?
Back to top

moonstone




 
 
 


Post  Sat, Jan 12 2019, 12:42 pm
Wow, people are so quick to take offense! I didn't see anything wrong with OP's post, she's just mentioning a few things that are nice to do when hosting. I especially agree re having enough drinks on the table-- I like when there's plenty of water available.
Back to top

Iymnok




 
 
 


Post  Sat, Jan 12 2019, 1:05 pm
Shuly wrote:
The person who makes kiddush should not drink from the cup and then give everyone from the cup he drank from!

First pour off some wine/grape juice into a clean cup to pass around to the guests and then drink.

I see this so many times and it really grosses me out.

Except when that’s the halacha. We fill the small glasses before kiddush. When we have guests Dh fills a second becher to pour from.
The first pouring from the kiddush cup should go to the one who made kiddush. He could pit into his own glass to ensure that he gets enough. (Malei lugmav, revi'is, 1/2 kos)

In Israel there are 2 sizes of plastic plates. The small ones are the size of my Noritake dessert plates. The bigger ones are like my salad plates. Those are way too small to be dinner and salad plates. Even though my dinner plates are 10", the design around the edge encourages people to use the middle, so it’s really an area of 8" for the main course, plenry of space without overlapping.

My pet peeve is disposable flatware. If it’s really cheap it just won’t do the job.
Also, always have serving utensils and extra napkins.
If you have to add a leaf to your table, then you need another pitcher od water. Always refill the water.
Back to top

DrMom




 
 
 


Post  Sat, Jan 12 2019, 1:35 pm
I'm not too picky.

Just please don't give my toddler a steak knife.
Back to top

rivkam




 
 
 


Post  Sat, Jan 12 2019, 3:06 pm
My pet peeve has to be seating single people on the other end of the table with the kids away from all the other adults who happen to be married
Back to top

amother




Seafoam


Post  Sat, Jan 12 2019, 3:53 pm
Provide a fish (salad) knife!

When we first got married, we ate out by many people who only provided a fork for the first course, while serving many dips and salads. I don't understand the reason for this, I find it hard to spread on my challah without. (Yes, I know they're called dips, but still...)

Obviously wouldn't complain about it, all provided wonderful meals - but if asking, I would recommend everyone to provide.
Back to top

amother




Burgundy


Post  Sat, Jan 12 2019, 3:55 pm
OP, thank you SO much for posting! I totally get that you were not criticizing, and I found your post interesting and informative - and even though I'm not new at hosting, it gave me food for thought (excuse the pun Wink)
Back to top
  Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10  Next  Last >> Recent Topics

Page 3 of 10 View latest: 24h 48h 72h


Post new topic       Forum -> Relationships -> Guests

Related Topics Replies Last Post
Anyone ever try Focusmate.com?
by amother
2 Fri, May 10 2019, 12:16 pm View last post
Instant Pot on Shabbat
by cm
8 Sat, May 04 2019, 11:26 pm View last post
Star wars day shabbat menu
by eema1
64 Thu, May 02 2019, 2:40 pm View last post
Optavia diet-anybody try it?
by amother
39 Wed, May 01 2019, 9:56 am View last post
Pet therapy
by amother
12 Tue, Apr 30 2019, 1:55 pm View last post

Jump to: