S/O Pet peeves guests do

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33055

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 8:48 am

This isn't a criticism of guests. It is important to know what irks hosts when guests misbehave.

1. To no one's surprise, I get annoyed by entitled guests criticizing on the internet.

2. Guests who only confirm last minute. Sorry, I am not shopping Friday morning again.

3. Adult guests who open doors and cabinets and touch things that are not on the table. Don't rummage through my things unless specifically invited.

4. Guests that don't watch their kids. This is really my kids' complaint. Adults forget they are parents. If your kids are fighting, get up and separate them. If they are crying, sooth them. It is not my children's job to parent your children.

5. Guests that can't follow house rules. My husband won't make a broucha if a lady's legs aren't covered. I tell everyone in advance. If they aren't comfortable, then please don't come and make me tell you, so we can sit down.

6. Guests that ask if the silver or gold is real. Pleeeze, and if it isn't, are you leaving? Lennox makes some pieces that have gold on them. I have had a guest scratching it and announcing to the table it is real. Yep, now it is real and damaged. I had another examine my silver. How awful these guests would make their hosts feel if this is all they could afford.

Don't ask me if my jewelry is real. It's a nervy question under the best circumstances. I had a guest saying, in front of DH, that my engagement ring looks fake. Excuuuuuse me. Maybe it is, and that all DH could afford. Maybe it is real, and you are drawing attention to it. Please leave me alone with the questions.

7. Guests going into the liquor cabinets looking for a more expensive pour. This is part of #3. It's bad manners.

8. Guests who won't state allergies and food preferences when asked. I love cooking, and I love cooking challenges. If you have an allergy or simply a quirk, speak up. I won't be watching your plate too see if you eat or don't. But don't tell me at the table.

9. Guests who complain. I don't want to hear complaints about my house. I don't want to hear complaints about my furniture.

10. Ladies who join in men singing. We don't do that in my house. That's the end of the discussion.

11. I don't want to hear negatives on Shabbos.

ChutzPAh

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 9:00 am

Guests who ask if a particular food item is homemade or store bought. Inappropriate.

pesek zman

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 9:04 am

SIncere question re: #10: how are your guests to know that ‘men singing’ isn’t just ‘singing’? Do you tell them in advance? Or is it something that (again, I don’t know you or how your family look) one can understand based on appearance?

Raisin

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 9:04 am

I've hosted hundreds, probably thousands of guests over the years, none have been as rude as some of Squishy's guests. I think once someone wrote something mildly critical of me on her travel blog.

I honestly expect nowadays with the type of crowd I have that at least one person will be a vegetarian so I don't do things like rice and chicken cooked together. And I make enough of a variety of dips and sides that you really don't need to eat meat or fish to be full. If you are (a strict) vegan, gluten free, or allergic to something it would be really helpful to know. My challah has eggs, I often put the matza balls in the soup and you never know, it might be the week that I make food with that one obscure ingredient you are allergic too. And if you are TWO of these things let me know. No point me making a vegan dish because you told me you were vegan, but omitted to mention you were allergic to a specific vegetable - which is what I made it out of. (this really happened)

Guests who just don't turn up with no good reason upset me.

LittleMissMama

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 9:07 am

It looks like you invite a variety of people to your home. That's wonderful. I personally am a BT and my circle has people all over the place in terms of observance. Even some women who are FFB, if they come from a modern background, won't automatically know about covering their knees or singing with men. Even if you tell them once, they may not realize it's not somehow "optional halacha" in your home. So just nicely and firmly tell them again. Smile

Please don't be annoyed!

amother

Saddlebrown

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 9:07 am

Between this post and your scathing posts on the other thread, it really sounds like you might do well with a short hiatus from having guests.

amother

Tangerine

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 9:08 am

1. Someone who completely dominates the conversation. This is tolerable when he's the only guest, but very uncomfortable when there are other guests at the table.

2. Someone who uses her personal (used) fork to serve herself dips from the serving dishes. Everything on the table has a serving utensil, for the love of God please use it!

3. Someone who doesn't tell me until Friday afternoon that their family only eats yoshon. At that point my cooking should be done. And there's a good chance my menu includes a lot of non yoshon foods Sad

I'm more than happy to accommodate any specific dietary requirement, BEFORE I start my cooking (and preferably before I shop too)!

4. Someone whose child is being aggressive or making my kids feel unsafe, and is ignoring her child's behavior.

I host people as a chesed and don't expect it to always be easy or comfortable for me. But the above situations are really extreme to me.

amother

Cerise

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 9:09 am

LittleMissMama wrote:

Please don't be annoyed!

To clarify, that's because to them, bare legs and mixed singing are allowed lechatchila. They are not ignorant, they are following the halachic norms of their community.

Raisin

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 9:12 am

ChutzPAh wrote:

Guests who ask if a particular food item is homemade or store bought. Inappropriate.

This wouldn't bother me at all. Probably because I make most stuff but even if I didn't who cares? I get asked every week if my challah is homemade. I don't think I am somehow a better person for making challah...I would probably be better off doing other stuff then making challah like cleaning my house but I like making and eating my own challah so I do. (also, the local bakery makes horrible challah)

Its very normal to buy challa so I assume that's why its asked. No one asks me that about the chicken or rice.

33055

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 9:15 am

pesek zman wrote:

The guest can take their cues from the hostess. We don't go to the table until the men are finished singing. We enjoy the music from the couches.

amother

Cerise

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 9:19 am

Squishy wrote:

The guest can take their cues from the hostess. We don't go to the table until the men are finished singing. We enjoy the music from the couches.

Does this just mean shalom aleichem and eishes chayil? Or do you leave the table for zemiros too? If you are in a separate room, or very far away from the table, then presumably the men can't hear anyway, so why not let women sing? Am I missing something here?

33055

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 9:23 am

LittleMissMama wrote:

Please don't be annoyed!

I do tell them about covering their legs in advance. I only had one defiant ex-chassidish single give me a major problem about leg covering. She knew she was being inappropriate. She was a guest of a guest.

33055

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 9:31 am

amother wrote:

Between this post and your scathing posts on the other thread, it really sounds like you might do well with a short hiatus from having guests.

I like guests. They seem to like it here because they keep coming back. Rarely is an invitation turned down.

You come into my home and you are treated like family not a paying guest in a restaurant.

flowerpower

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 9:45 am

ChutzPAh wrote:

Guests who ask if a particular food item is homemade or store bought. Inappropriate.

We have a guest that will eat three pieces if it’s homemade and if it’s bought he won’t touch it. This is with every dish. I always make sure to tell him when serving that it’s homemade so he can have his oneg shabbos lol.

amother

Cerulean

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 10:01 am

amother wrote:

Between this post and your scathing posts on the other thread, it really sounds like you might do well with a short hiatus from having guests.

Her posts weren't scathing. Maybe they were blunt and to the point. When I'm a guest, I expect to give up a bit of comfort in exchange for company. I was thinking that someone would probably do a spinoff.

33055

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 10:03 am

12. Guests that bring food into the bedroom when they are told not to.

gingertop

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 10:38 am

Scrape and stack. ugh. I really get nauseated from it. But I just tell my guests right away so that I don't have to stew in my juices.
"Thanks for helping. If you don't mind, I just have this meshuggas about not stacking plates."

ectomorph

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 10:46 am

When I tell guests where things are and expect them to help themselves and they don't. I have little kids and cannot be running after them.

gingertop

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 10:54 am

Guests who talk while my husband is saying a devar torah. I hate feeling like a jerk, consciously avoiding their conversation but I do want to hear what he says.

gingertop

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 10:55 am

Guests who come with another three friends. We have this all the time so I'm sort of resigned to it but sometimes I'm just not in the mood of resizing all the portions and putting out more salads because they just couldn't bother to call before shabbos.

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