S/O Pet peeves guests do

nechamashifra

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 12:43 pm

Quote:

6. Guests that ask if the silver or gold is real. Pleeeze, and if it isn't, are you leaving? Lennox makes some pieces that have gold on them. I have had a guest scratching it and announcing to the table it is real. Yep, now it is real and damaged. I had another examine my silver. How awful these guests would make their hosts feel if this is all they could afford.

Don't ask me if my jewelry is real. It's a nervy question under the best circumstances. I had a guest saying, in front of DH, that my engagement ring looks fake. Excuuuuuse me. Maybe it is, and that all DH could afford. Maybe it is real, and you are drawing attention to it. Please leave me alone with the questions.

7. Guests going into the liquor cabinets looking for a more expensive pour. This is part of #3. It's bad manners.

where do you find these people?

nachlaot

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 12:45 pm

this thread might be a parody of my thread, but it's also worth discussing. almost all of our guests are wonderful, but below are three things that come to mind

this is our #1 pet peeve:

amother wrote:

1. Someone who completely dominates the conversation. This is tolerable when he's the only guest, but very uncomfortable when there are other guests at the table

we won't re-invite "dominators."

#2 -- "big eyes," I.e., the person who takes tons of food / wine and barely eats anything. I'm thrilled if a guy loves our food and eats 5 pieces of chicken and "garbage cans" every side on the table. but it's rude if someone piles his/her plate up with food and pours themselves a huge glass of wine, and barely touches any of it.

#3 -- not promptly confirming invites, or worse, not promptly declining invites when they have no intention of coming in the first place. we find this to be a big problem with younger, single people; married people are generally more stable and considerate.

amother

Silver

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 12:59 pm

flowerpower wrote:

Only one thing turned me off once- a guest that is on a strict diet and won’t eat anything. I can’t serve a plate of ice cubes in the shape of fish or challah.

Maybe he didnt want to be alone for "the shabbos meal" and you did a bigger chesed than just feeding him and gave him "shabbos" itself.

Mommyg8

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 1:04 pm

smileforamile wrote:

It's because of hosts like these, with all the meshugasim, that I hate being a guest. I'm always uncomfortable in other people's homes. I don't like to help serve or clean up, since I know I'm always going to do something wrong. I'll stack when they don't like it; I'll use my fingers when I eat French fries or pickles or anything on a skewer; etc. I hate being judged. It's for the same reason that I rarely have guests over, and if I do, it'll only be ones who are nonjudgmental. If you care whether I use real serving dishes or aluminum pans, then you don't belong in my house.

I think I'm getting an education here... I don't want to go to other people's houses. They're going to judge me.

I'm with you! After reading both of these threads, I am so glad that I rarely go out and (more recently) rarely host. I don't mind helping, but sometimes I'm not feeling well, or my back hurts, or whatever.... or I'm stacking the plates wrong. I don't like feeling judged.

I have had a lot of company over the years, but they were mostly family (any judgmental comments can be responded to!) or bochurim, who are just so happy to get FOOD that nothing else matters!

Thankfully, the very few times we do go out, our hosts have the good manners to make us feel welcome. Thank G-d!

amother

Lime

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 1:11 pm

I cant tell you how many times we've had guests with toddlers in the toilet training process, and let them run around bare bottomed in our home. They pee all over the place, besides for the fact that it's really gross to leave a child bare bottomed at a meal with other people... put on a pullup or diaper when you go out. If you dont want to, stay home! When I toilet train I literally stay locked in.
I always ask that food only be eaten at the table and kids should not run around with food. Somehow moms totally ignore this request and allow their kids to run around with food.
Some people just dont have common sense.
Lately I've started inviting only couples or singles.

essie14

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 1:19 pm

amother wrote:

That is the grossest thing I have ever heard.
I decline invitations if my toddler has a runny nose. I can't stand people who come over with sick kids.
And follow the house rules, please!

33055

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 1:27 pm

nechamashifra wrote:

Quote:

where do you find these people?

I think when you host a lot, you end up with some inappropriate guests. There are reasons why they might need an invite. Perhaps there is a jealousy element. The woman who asked about my ring told me that my furniture is typical Monsey and she expected better. Sad

She used a private bathroom and then complained there was no garbage can in the bathroom. It seemed I couldn't do anything right. Her chulent was better than mine. My dishes are old fashioned. I would add that she is the mother of 9 children and she said no one invited her out for years. Probably no one wanted to hear the criticisms.

I am a live and let live kind of gal as a host. You want to help - great. You want to be waited on - great. As long as DH is happy, then I am happy.

Just don't criticize. I am doing my best.

amother

Silver

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 1:36 pm

flowerpower wrote:

It was a women. She came with her family. If she wants social time she can come here and hang out after the meal.

I love sharing meals with others, its really special and its not about the food, its more about the togetherness. Unless she acted annoyed for not having the right foods I would assume she appreciated everything very much, maybe even more for hosting her despite her problems with food. Did she make you feel judged in any way?

essie14

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 1:47 pm

amother wrote:

essie4, I'm with you about not bringing sick kids.
But I guess some people dont mind.... we where supposed to go away for shabbos and my DD got the flu on Friday. We called to cancel they're still upset! I received an angry text from them today!

Ridiculous!
I once woke up Shabbat morning with a stomach virus and we were supposed to eat out for lunch. DH walked over to them and told them and the hostess sent back food for him and the kids, which was so nice! We would have managed with cold cuts and leftover Fri night food.
And after Shabbat, she texted me and said right away "I hope you're feeling better and let's reschedule soon"

Mommyg8

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 2:01 pm

Squishy wrote:

You're amazing Squishy! Kol hakovod to you for hosting people that nobody else wants! I guess that's why you're getting these judgmental comments... the people that I host are generally normal.

amother

Wine

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 2:13 pm

essie14 wrote:

Illness is a valid reason to cancel. (I'd rather not have your flu germs around thanks!) But I'm talking about people who got another invitation in shul so go somewhere else, often without bothering to inform us. Or once a family got wet on the way to shul so walked home (passing our house) and never bothered stopping by to say they were not coming. Or just can't get their act together to get up on time or whatever. (there are shabbos alarm clocks. No excuse really)

dankbar

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 2:38 pm

I had a guest that her kid bumped his head in my house & needed to accompany her to ER to be stitched up.

I had a guest, who cooked & sent from my house, with my ingredients, supper to her kimpeturin friend who lived in my town. Later when she left my home, & I wasn't home, she took along some leftover foods, from my fridge to her house, only telling me once she left. We were struggling financially. She also deleted all my calls from my caller ID because it was full without askg me.

She was a relative of mine that's always helping others, never knew that she did so with others resources.

dankbar

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 2:43 pm

I had an entire family from abroad for a week, they expected to be wined & dined, 3 meals a day, being chaperoned around town with shopping, babysitting, kids messing up my home....
They were used to having main meal midday but how did they expect me to do that if I was out shopping with them during day?

Amelia Bedelia

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 2:45 pm

gingertop wrote:

This happened many years ago and in the grand scheme of things, wasn't all that dreadful, but it was so weird, I'm still flabbergasted thinking about it.

We had sleeping guests and as they were leaving, the lady was like, " I couldn't find my diapers so I took some pull-ups from your son's drawer. Do you want me to leave some of our diapers instead?"
I was shocked and just said, "no, we don't need diapers instead of pull-ups."

I was at that time really struggling financially and pull-ups costed about 3 shekels a piece . I bought them because the kid was too big for diapers and had a bed wetting issue. I had a baby the same age as hers and had diapers in the house and I could not believe that she didn't ask me for that, instead of opening my kid's drawer (!) and taking multiple (!!) pull-ups.

And to round off the horror, when I went to put on the kid's pajamas, I saw that not a single pull-ups was left!!! She literally took the last few pairs, leaving us nothing for motzei shabbos.

So of course, he wore his underpants and wet his bed that night and I had to wash all the linen.