S/O Pet peeves guests do

dankbar

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 2:50 pm

I was a guest by a relative in a summer home, who she invited me to come relax a couple of days, but then didn't let me go out to hang out with the crowds outside. Wanted me to cook for shabbos, & wash up her floors for shabbos when she didn't let me stay on for shabbos.

Another relative I stayed by her bungalow a couple of days....she only bought food for her family. I went to grocery & bought food for ourselves. She didn't let us touch single expensive ice cream pops or single packaged brownie bars bc it was exclusively her treat.

amother

Linen

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 2:51 pm

ectomorph wrote:

Guests who don't like this thread can now understand the hosts in the other thread

I don't see many (any?) posters upset about the topic. Certainly no one is repeatedly posting about how upset they are. This despite the angry tone with which it was started, and despite the fact that it's directed at the guests (whereas the first thread was not directed at the hosts).

That thread is locked, no one here is upset, I think we've moved on.

amother

Amethyst

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 3:02 pm

You guys have weird guests with bad manners🙄

We once had a single guy who was a bit too arrogant. Dh was telling a dvar Torah and the guest interrupted and wanted to tell it himself. That's was awkward. But usually our guests are really nice. We mostly have the same ones. So we're all comfortable and familiar with each other

33055

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 3:33 pm

amother wrote:

We also have wonderful guests who bring jolly to our Shabbos. When you invite friends, you know what to expect. It is when you open up your home to strangers, you don't know what to expect.

It is neighbor's sleep over guests that gave me the most problems. I had one women answer the bedroom door nude. She was only wearing a turban. DD needed a pair of tights in the room. This woman's husband was texting on Shabbos and didn't turn of the sound notifications. I had another guest show me sexts he was getting on Shabbos from another woman. It took me a moment to process what was going on. Another set of guests ate ALL the food I had prepared for the first days of Pesach day meals. I mean ALL the food. They even got into my chol hamoed food. And we are leaving after motzi yontiff for a road trip. We were told these were sleep over guests and didn't prepare food for them beyond snacks. They didn't like the food at their hosts' house where they were supposed to eat.

We have friends we met through hosting. We enjoy their company

flowerpower

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 3:43 pm

amother wrote:

I love sharing meals with others, its really special and its not about the food, its more about the togetherness. Unless she acted annoyed for not having the right foods I would assume she appreciated everything very much, maybe even more for hosting her despite her problems with food. Did she make you feel judged in any way?

No. Not at all. But when I want to socialize with people I invite them for after the meal now that the Friday nights are long. I invited this family a few times... don’t worry. They come and enjoy and the woman eats zilch. It’s like going to a restaurant with a few friends and one doesn’t order. She sits there and watches everyone else eat.

rainbow dash

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 3:43 pm

Squishy wrote:

OMG this one takes the cake
Banging head

thunderstorm

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 5:30 pm

flowerpower wrote:

Then you can come to me!!!! I don’t like when my guests help me. I like when they sit by the table. I never look how they eat their food. I have zero complaints!!! Only one thing turned me off once- a guest that is on a strict diet and won’t eat anything. I can’t serve a plate of ice cubes in the shape of fish or challah.

When I'm on a strict diet I'm totally ok with going to someone and not eating. I'm there to enjoy the company and I either ate before I came or will eat when I get home or I won't eat at all. Don't worry about the strict dieter non eaters. As long as you didn't cook special for that person no need to care whether they eat or not.

Cheiny

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 7:21 pm

flowerpower wrote:

We had a family of 5 for the first days of Pesach. The mother never offered to help, nor did she ask her (teen) kids to offer to help. Dh and I had to wait on them hand and foot, and slave the entire Yom Tov. Also, when they cleaned me out of tons of nosh and I said I had no more, the mother said, “Oh, you’re wrong. I saw you have chocolate bars in that cabinet!” She went through my cabinets?! The kicker was, on Chol Hamoed when they were supposed to be leaving, she asked if we’d like them to stay for the 2nd days!

nyc123

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 7:41 pm

amother wrote:

The difference is that the first thread was criticizing (yes, pointing out pet peeves is criticizing) people doing a chesed. This thread is about guests, who are benefiting from someone else’s chesed. When you criticize people who are already giving, and implying that they’re not giving enough, you’re going to spark some emotions and can expect some defensiveness. No one’s going to get upset and defend the guest who brought 14 extra uninvited people to a shabbas meal. Completely different dynamics.

Edited to add: I don’t want to rehash the old thread. Let’s put it to rest. Just wanted to clarify this.

amother

Orchid

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 7:56 pm

1. Guests who go to my fridge without asking, remove a bottle of ketchup and proceed to smother the meat on their plate with the ketchup. Maybe they just like ketchup. I don't know why I'm insulted.
2. A guest who told me I should clean my pots better (I have a permanent stain on one of my pots that's impossible to remove. I've scrubbed with soft scrub with bleach with no luck)

33055

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 8:22 pm

amother wrote:

Omg omg squishy! If a strange or neighbors guests where to be mechalel shabbos in my home, I would throw them out right then and there. Same goes for a nude lady, oh God!

The woman was heavily pregnant. She and her husband were BTs from Europe, so they were in the process of learning. My neighbor really should have prepared them better. And prepared us.

I talked to her about tznius. She told me her hair was covered. Can't Believe It

Oy! She needed to learn to cover everything. BH it was only me and my daughter at the door. It could have been a guy.

DH told her husband to come with him and doven. He had no plans to go to shul. DH explained about no texting on Shabbos.

33055

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 8:25 pm

thunderstorm wrote:

Squishy... you need to write a book!!' It's funny to read but not funny to experience. I'm sure you have pleasant guests and these stories are just random.

BH We do have beautiful wonderful guests who add to our Shabbos.

ectomorph

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 8:29 pm

nyc123 wrote:

Great clarification

amother

Floralwhite

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 9:07 pm

I’m surprised that no one has asked this yet....

How does the whole bare legs thing work? We have over a dozen guests every shabbos and neither my husband nor myself would notice if a woman’s legs weren’t covered, and we belong to a “legs covered” sect of orthodoxy and have guests of all backgrounds. It Would seem to me that a man on the madreiga of not making a bracha in in their presence wouldn’t be in the habit of noticing women’s legs. I cover my legs and would be exceedingly uncomfortable if I thought someone was checking them out. So how does that work without it being totally creepy?

dancingqueen

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 9:24 pm

amother wrote:

Does this just mean shalom aleichem and eishes chayil? Or do you leave the table for zemiros too? If you are in a separate room, or very far away from the table, then presumably the men can't hear anyway, so why not let women sing? Am I missing something here?

I wonder the same. So interesting how differently people do things. But anyway, clearly I wouldn’t be welcome at squishy’s table due to her rules.

33055

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 9:50 pm

dancingqueen wrote:

I wonder the same. So interesting how differently people do things. But anyway, clearly I wouldn’t be welcome at squishy’s table due to her rules.

These are not my rules. I didn't one day wake up and decide women don't sing in public, nor do men not make brouchas in front of women with uncovered legs. Someone more educated than me can tell you the origins of this. I can tell you that at every single table on my block and in my circles, women are not singing with men, nor are their legs uncovered at the table. This isn't the slightest bit controversial where I live.

You would be welcome at my table, but kindly respect our way of doing things. This is how DH wants things, and this is how others expect things. I love guests, but I love shalom more.

My only rule is I hate complainers. I invite you into my home, in return don't critique, and you will have a continued open invatation.

Frumwithallergies

Sun, Jan 13 2019, 9:53 pm

nachlaot wrote:

#2 -- "big eyes," I.e., the person who takes tons of food / wine and barely eats anything. I'm thrilled if a guy loves our food and eats 5 pieces of chicken and "garbage cans" every side on the table. but it's rude if someone piles his/her plate up with food and pours themselves a huge glass of wine, and barely touches any of it.

This! This and again this!

My biggest problem that THIS person is one of my s-I-l. I can't not invite her. She serves her dear children BEFORE we even sit down for kiddush! And serves them a lot, regardless of how many other guests I have. She lets her children finish all the smoked salmon and dips even though I have another s-I-l with 6 teenage /older kids, my family, and other couples in attendance! When I have separate salatim and lox on the adult table, she takes from there to feed her dc, and those dc eat like birds.

I'm gearing up towards inviting them soon for another meal. I know it embarrasses my b-I-l but can't do anything about it. Sorry for the rant and the vent. I've been married over 10 years, so I have IYH many more years to learn how to control my yetzer harah regarding this s-I-l. Banging head