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S/O of S/O Pet Peeves: Who gets served first?
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Chickpea




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Jan 13 2019, 3:32 pm
OK, so when we have Shabbos guests, I always serve the guests before I serve my husband, out of honor to the guests. They invariably take most of the meat out of the cholent, leaving my husband with minimal meat to eat. Who should be getting served first, guests or husband?
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amother




Lavender
 

Post  Sun, Jan 13 2019, 3:34 pm
Put more meat in your cholent.
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amother




Slateblue
 

Post  Sun, Jan 13 2019, 3:34 pm
First, put more meat in the cholent.
Secind, just put the bowl of cholent between your husband and the guest and let them take in whichever order they choose.
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Maya




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Jan 13 2019, 3:36 pm
Do you mean passing around a platter or serving individual plates?

Either way, husband, or wife, goes first.


Last edited by Maya on Sun, Jan 13 2019, 3:37 pm; edited 1 time in total
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pause




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Jan 13 2019, 3:36 pm
I always put serving dishes in front of DH. This way he can choose - according to who the guests are. He usually passes the dish on to the guests to serve themselves first.

But mostly, I plate individual servings so that I can ensure there's enough of everything for everyone.
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33055




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Jan 13 2019, 3:37 pm
I always serve DH first. And the male guest on his right slightly after him. I carry one plate in each hand.

You should plate your chulent if this is an issue.
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amother




Cyan
 

Post  Sun, Jan 13 2019, 3:37 pm
Definitely serve husband first.

I also ate out by many people after we first got married and ALWAYS the husband is served before the guests.
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flowerpower




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Jan 13 2019, 3:40 pm
My husband alwAys gets served first. Then the oldest male guest etc. I serve individual portions so we don’t have that issue.
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facebooknyny




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Jan 13 2019, 3:41 pm
Maybe leave some meat in the crock pot and after the guests take refill for your dh.
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Chickpea




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Jan 13 2019, 3:46 pm
amother wrote:
Put more meat in your cholent.

I add a full 2 pounds of an expensive cut of beef into the cholent. How much am I supposed to be putting in? Cholent is not the main dish...I always serve an additional 2 meat main dishes.
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amother




Cyan
 

Post  Sun, Jan 13 2019, 3:49 pm
Chickpea wrote:
I add a full 2 pounds of an expensive cut of beef into the cholent. How much am I supposed to be putting in? Cholent is not the main dish...I always serve an additional 2 meat main dishes.


That's a lot, how many servings is this for? Are you keeping it in big chunks, or cutting in small pieces? Not sure why you're guests are taking so much.

Either way, it's actually basic halacha that you should be serving your dh first.
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hodeez




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Jan 13 2019, 3:50 pm
Always dh first
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Iymnok




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Jan 13 2019, 3:54 pm
You have a Mitzvah to honor your husband. Give him first.
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ra_mom




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Jan 13 2019, 4:11 pm
Chickpea wrote:
I add a full 2 pounds of an expensive cut of beef into the cholent. How much am I supposed to be putting in? Cholent is not the main dish...I always serve an additional 2 meat main dishes.

Your dh should be served first. But either way, keep some in the kitchen if you know your guests polish off whatever's put in front of them.
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cnc




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Jan 13 2019, 4:15 pm
Husband first
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amother




Peach
 

Post  Sun, Jan 13 2019, 4:33 pm
Husband always gets first
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amother




Powderblue
 

Post  Sun, Jan 13 2019, 4:40 pm
Of course DH gets served first, what's the question?
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amother




Jetblack
 

Post  Sun, Jan 13 2019, 4:42 pm
flowerpower wrote:
My husband alwAys gets served first. Then the oldest male guest etc. I serve individual portions so we don’t have that issue.


I get the husband first (or wife!)
But why the oldest male first? Isnt this very archaic? Would you serve your husband's brother before your aunt, or your grandmother?
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dancingqueen




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Jan 13 2019, 4:42 pm
DH is usually helping me serve along with an assortment of our guests when we host. But if he was sitting and I was serving something individual like a bowl of soup I would serve him before other adults and vs vsa.

When its just our family we usually end up giving the kids first because they cant wait (young kids).
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Chickpea




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Jan 13 2019, 4:46 pm
Thank you imamothers for your help.You all gave me great advice. I feel terrible about not knowing the halacha and (unintentionally) disrespecting my dh. I already asked him machilah.
Btw, I always ask him if it's OK with him if I serve the guests first, and he always says it alright, but still....I was wrong.
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