I am not sure what to do with my 5 year old

amother

Red

Tue, Jan 15 2019, 12:20 am

amother wrote:

OP, don't assume that just because your five-year-old picked up reading quickly, he'll be on a fifth grade level in a few months. Don't even assume that because he's reading on a first-second grade level in English, he belongs in second grade. To belong in second grade academically, he would have to be fluent in Hebrew reading and translating and capable of learning Chumash on a second grade level; reading on a second grade level; doing math on a second grade level; and in general, having second grade level critical thinking skills. Only the reading is coming through in your post.

I don't mean to burst your bubble, but in the early ages, development can be unevenly paced. It's possible that your son will be reading college-level texts and doing advanced calculus by the time he's eight, and it's possible (and more likely) that at some point, things will sort of level off.

For now, if you're not considering changing schools anyway, just continue to nurture him and his interests and keep an eye on his academic and social development.

It's not just reading. That's just what I've focused on because it's easy for me. He also has an incredible memory, does his 3rd grade brothers math questions, and pretty much gets anything he sets his mind to. (For example he plays video games at the same level as my 3rd grader. He is also very musical and instead of wanting to watch cartoons he wants to memorize songs on youtube)

I don't think he's the next Einstein but he is definitely not the average 5 year old and I am not sure how to navigate this. My belief is that any child who doesn't fit in the average range needs special help. We have plenty of help for learning delays but very little for the opposite issue and it should be taken just as seriously.

Another reason I am hesitant to talk to the school is because of responses like yours. I am afraid they will brush it off as just the mother who thinks her kid is special and doesn't want to face reality that her kid is an average Joe like everyone else. The thing is that I have other children and I see how my son learns and I see the difference. This is not a case of a bragging mother who wants to feel special. I have friends with gifted children and none of them know about my son because I am not willing to do the mommy bragging wars of whose kid is smarter. I'd rather keep quiet which is why I came here for help anonymously.

amother

Saddlebrown

Tue, Jan 15 2019, 12:42 am

My son is like this but he’s in a chassidish yeshivah, that only starts secular studies in third grade and even then it isn’t taken seriously. Which means there’s lots of room to explore in that department without worrying that he’ll be bored in cheder. So that’s what we do. I get him books on whatever interests him, and after going through it 2-3 times he entertains himself by reading it himself. He already knows the entire solar system, has a good grasp on geography, knows the names of tons of animals and fish and so on.

amother

Ginger

Tue, Jan 15 2019, 2:33 am

my ds was like that. he is 6 now and in first grade. I admit he is a bit bored. in chol he hasnt yet learned anything new and unfortunately his teacher does not differentiate. but he des NOT suffer, he enjoys koydesh a lot and has a good bond to his teachers and peers. his reading skills are 5th grade, his maths skills are 3-4th grade. but emotionally he needs peers. what we did was trying to teach him things which are not taught in school (didnt help cos he picked up reading super fast at age 4 anyway , but yeah).

so we taught him musical circle of fifth, chess, a new language, he went to a kids' lab ones a week where he was the youngest but he enjoyed the experients, he started learning an instrument etc.

all these activities were intellectually stimulating but didnt contain schoolsubjects.
again, he is a bit bored but he does not suffer.

a cousin of mine suffered though and they had him move up classes. socially it was very hard for him.

amother

Red

Tue, Jan 15 2019, 8:53 am

amother wrote:

So it seems that as long as he is emotionally on par with his friends he will be ok even if he's bored. I am hoping that is the case.

amother

Orchid

Tue, Jan 15 2019, 9:41 am

I understand that you have a struggle OP.

FWIW, I have 2 academically weak children and please don't think "they have so much" for learning problems. Often, one approach is offered and it is supposed to fit all children... Or someone took a course and lo and behold she's an expert. Don't kid yourself. Anything that deviates from typical is a challenge. This is yours. I have mine. Just don't think its better for others. Its challenging for all. Welcome to the club.

amother

Red

Tue, Jan 15 2019, 9:59 am

amother wrote:

For sure. I have another child who struggles in school and it's also a challenge. I guess I feel a lot of support from the school in that area when there is nothing for this issue. It's hard raising kids.

amother

Red

Tue, Jan 15 2019, 10:03 am

FranticFrummie wrote:

Find a computer program that will teach him something like computer coding, or a new language.

Slightly OT, people keep mentioning that their child is "small for his age". Would your concerns be the same if your child was very tall? How does body size impact social and academic skills? I don't see a connection here.

Good idea. Can you recommend a program?

Well since he is already one of the tiniest kids in his grade moving him up would make him even smaller compared to his peers. Being too small physically can often impact a kid socially.

FranticFrummie

Tue, Jan 15 2019, 10:09 am

amother wrote:

Scratch is a really fun coding site, and it's geared for kids. Schools use it often, starting around mid elementary. My DD liked it.

Rosetta Stone has upgraded their learning model, and it's a lot of fun. Much more like a game now, and less like the old "hear and repeat" model. I'm using it to learn Ivrit, but they have dozens of other languages available. It's a very affordable subscription.

amother

Red

Tue, Jan 15 2019, 10:12 am

FranticFrummie wrote:

Thanks. I'll check it out

amother

Natural

Tue, Jan 15 2019, 10:22 am

My son is "gifted" if you want to use that term. He's in high school now. We never had any issues because he's so well behaved. He never acted out from boredom, BH. But he's a self starter. He'd finish schoolwork and then just do extra work for fun, or help his friends or whatever. He'd bring a book to school and read in free time. He codes a lot too. Scratch is great for beginners.

Skipping grades makes no sense if you learn about what it means to be gifted (he'll be bored in any average paced class, no matter the grade).

At age 5 my son loved doing large lego sets, anything with building, memory games, large puzzle etc. It was fun to see him soar. Just enjoy him, don't worry about him.

Just give your kid extracurriculars and hobbies that interest him. There's no need to worry about a 5 yr old's future. Really.

amother

Orange

Tue, Jan 15 2019, 10:26 am

My DS was the same way. He'd have 8th graders on the bus asking him 2-digit multiplication examples just for the kicks of hearing a 5 year old give the correct answer.

I did not skip his grade because of social considerations. He is ok socially. However, the fact that he is interested and knowledgeable about things his peers aren't, that in itself is a social issue. He would talk about how bridges are built and how exponents work, while his classmates were playing with fire trucks. THAT is a social issue. We did tons of play-dates in nursery and kindergarten so that I can guide him to show interest in "dumber" things.

DS's rebbes all said that school for such a kid is a real challenge and you gotta pray they survive. Once he'll get to yeshiva, the advanced learning will be ideal for him. But until then, he's expected to behave and sit still, participate but not overshadow the others - while he's miles ahead of his classmates.

I keep talking to him about how I know how hard it is to be smart K'ah, yet it's a gift from Hashem, like everything else, and the important thing is what we do with it. I encourage him to help weaker kids. I validate how hard it is to behave when he knows it already, but that it's important to have patience while the rebbe explains it to the rest of the class. That working on the midda of savlanus is one reason Hashem may have granted him with such intelligence. To not take it for granted. Etc. Etc. These kids need to hear it. This is their reality.

amother

Tangerine

Tue, Jan 15 2019, 11:28 am

My little guy missed lots of school when he was ill. He had teenage volunteers stay with him in hospital. His friends were 18 when he was a preschooler. He picked up the language. When he went back to school, he used to stay at the sidelines during recess or lunch break. I asked him why he doesn't join his peers....he would tell me, what exactly am I supposed to talk about with 5 yr olds?

( well he was the same age)
I told him to listen into the conversation & join what they're talking about. He tells me today they were all listing all the stuff they have in their homes....should I start listing what we've got? 1) he felt it was a dumb conversation 2) he's more of a private type 3) he got a houseful of gifts while he was sick.

amother

Taupe

Tue, Jan 15 2019, 11:42 am

Quote:

I did not skip his grade because of social considerations. He is ok socially. However, the fact that he is interested and knowledgeable about things his peers aren't, that in itself is a social issue. He would talk about how bridges are built and how exponents work, while his classmates were playing with fire trucks. THAT is a social issue. We did tons of play-dates in nursery and kindergarten so that I can guide him to show interest in "dumber" things.

Quote:

My teenage son used to tell me while growing up he wishes he would be average because he feels like a social misfit, always having a different way of thinking than his peers.

Both of these, so much.

Try to keep your child in two types of activities as regularly as possible:

Type 1: "Regular" stuff. Since you have a boy, I would make sure he has enough sports background to get by, whether he is interested or not. Do it now and in early elementary, when there is less focus on playing ability. Regular get togethers with the kids in his class will keep him connected even as their interests and thinking patterns begin to diverge even more greatly. And make sure he gets exercise!

Type 2: Activities that appeal to his interests and abilities. Find local junior engineering programs, or math, or whatever he likes. You can definitely do things online and at home, but try to find things that involve others so that he has peers who he can speak to about it and feels he can relate to. It's nice to try to bring along a classmate who has a similar interest, if possible. And as he gets older, he will increasingly find the peers in these programs, and the programs themselves, to be essential refuges of comfort where there are people like him.

Side note- Expect to possibly hit snags when topics that involve abstraction are covered. And be on top of his executive functioning skills, aka his ability to organize his environment, study skills, etc. A lot of kids like this never develop study skills because they don't need them- they read, remember and know. But eventually he will need them.