How to get the message across!!

amother

Red

Mon, Jan 21 2019, 12:01 pm

How do you tell a grown adult that it is extremely rude to call someone again and again?! If I didn't answer it clearly means I am not available to talk right now and you hitting the redial button NUMEROUS times only encourages me to CONTINUE not answering your calls!!!! Punch

allthingsblue

Mon, Jan 21 2019, 12:07 pm

I told the person outright. I said, "what's the emergency? Why did you call so many times?"
The person said, "there's no emergency, I just wanted to tell you xxx."
I said, "next please please call once, and if I don't answer, leave a voicemail or send a text with the reason why you called (even if it's just to say hello) and I'll call back when I can."

Since then, this is exactly what the person does.

Cheiny

Mon, Jan 21 2019, 12:10 pm

amother wrote:

Well, I think how you’re handling it is wrong. If you want someone to stop calling you, you should pick up the phone and make your feelings known. Otherwise they will keep trying because they don’t know you’re intentionally not answering,

teachkids

Mon, Jan 21 2019, 12:43 pm

Cheiny wrote:

Sometimes people call when I physically can't pick up the phone, but the ringing is disruptive. Ex: While I'm at work or driving and using my phone as a GPS. I can't answer it, no matter how annoying it is. All I can do is keep hitting decline call.
(not my original post, but I know the feeling)

amother

Red

Mon, Jan 21 2019, 12:48 pm

teachkids wrote:

This. Or when I'm nursing my newborn and the phone isn't near me. Or for a million other reasons.
This redialing thing is really getting to me and I don't know a respectful way of asking her to lose the habit!

Chayalle

Mon, Jan 21 2019, 12:53 pm

I agree, OP, that's really annoying.

Would it be OT to post another pet-peeve of mine? Please don't call my house early in the morning - like before my girls are off to school - unless it's an emergency.

My morning is busy enough without other distractions. No matter how funny your 3 year old is, I'd rather my daughter make her school bus, thank you very much.

I have a relative who simply does not get this. I don't answer, but she does not stop trying - she simply hasn't realized that I don't answer the phone before 9.

amother

Green

Mon, Jan 21 2019, 1:08 pm

If you can't block her calls, you can set a ringtone for her that is silent so you at least don't have to hear the phone ringing continuously.

There's no way to stop her from doing doing it without telling her. How well does she handles gentle criticism?

SixOfWands

Mon, Jan 21 2019, 2:13 pm

amother wrote:

Vent, or do you want to be DLZ?

If this is a vent, then yes, that drives me up a wall as well.

If you really want to tell her, then do. Say "if I don't answer, it means I'm busy. But I'll see that you called, and call back as soon as I can. Or leave a message." Then do call back quickly, to encourage her not to try you again.

If you want to be DLZ, she may have grown up in a world before caller ID and call backs and whatever else, where you had to call back if you wanted to reach someone. My father is like that.

Rutabaga

Mon, Jan 21 2019, 4:47 pm

My MIL is an extreme worrywort. If we don't pick up the phone at a time when we would normally be expected to be home then she starts worrying that something awful happened. If she calls at a bad time then we pick up and tell her that everything is fine but we need to call her back. I'll even answer the phone while nursing if DH isn't around to pick up and whisper that I'll have to call her back. She appreciates and understands though, while your MIL may not.

Is there anything you can do to preempt the constant calls? If we know we'll be unreachable at a time my MIL usually calls, like out at a simcha, then we'll tell her in advance so she won't worry. If she knows that one of the kids is sick then I'll text her updates. Would something like that work for you?

If not, then you may need to have a polite but frank talk with her at a calm time. Tell her that there are times you are unavailable to answer the phone, such as at work or while driving or during bath and bedtime or whatever limits you want to set. Tell her when it's a good time to reach you. Tell her that if she has an important question or something to tell you that she should text you and you'll call her back as soon as you can. Say it a little nicer than I wrote it. Then enforce those boundaries, but you must then be accessible when you promised you will be (excluding emergencies of course).

Cheiny

Mon, Jan 21 2019, 4:48 pm

teachkids wrote:

But how can the caller possibly know that? If they urgently need to get through, they may try again....

ra_mom

Mon, Jan 21 2019, 4:53 pm

Chayalle wrote:

Why don't you tell her that you aren't able to pick up the phone before 9am?
I will sometimes catch up on texts when I wake up in the morning. My friend who doesn't work asked if I can wait until 8:30am before I send any texts since she sleeps in later. Sure, no problem - thanks for letting me know!

33055

Mon, Jan 21 2019, 4:56 pm

I find the constant redialing to be cultural. I specifically hate when they call my cell then my home then my cell then my home...

I can hit redial to see who called.

The other annoying thing they do is let the phone ring 18/20 times.

99% of phones are answered by the 4th ring. I have trained my neighbors that they can only let the phone ring 4 times. But I don't have the heart to tell my mil. She is so sweet.

amother

Violet

Mon, Jan 21 2019, 5:06 pm

I’m confused. Why can’t you just turn your phone off or put it on silent?
And while driving your phone should be off or on driving mode ( which sends a text saying you’re driving) and let your mil know that the phone will be off for the next (insert time) so she doesn’t worry.

teachkids

Mon, Jan 21 2019, 5:55 pm

Cheiny wrote:

But how can the caller possibly know that? If they urgently need to get through, they may try again....

Calling twice is reasonable, any more than that... Not so much.
I also think in today's culture it's more common that if you need someone you call once then text "call me asap"