How do I explain? | Imamother

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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling

How do I explain?

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amother

Babypink

Mon, Jan 28 2019, 5:54 am

The key here is to help your younger daughter WANT to be tzanua, as opposed to being forced to. Obviously, you can’t force your kids to do anything, but most mitzvot can easily have an inherent joy if we work on them a bit, and pray for joy in mitzvot. You can’t lose this way.
Best of luck with this challenge!

byisrael

Mon, Jan 28 2019, 7:04 am

First of all hugs! This is tough....
Is dd8 asking questions or are you worried about the message she is getting?

If its just the message I wouldn't say anything, just continue to focus on what your standards are.psitive messages about tznuis, and be willing to spend more money on tznuis clothing she likes.

amother

Saddlebrown

Mon, Jan 28 2019, 7:54 am

naturalmom5 wrote:

Explanation requested... Fair enough..
What everyone read here. NM5 is mocking someone or something once again...
What was actually said, based on TOO MUCH life experience..
If you try to force your adult child to accept rigid haskafas for social acceptance or narrow interpetations of halacha that only certain communities follow, you may be very disapointed with the results. Attack me all you want, but then speak to any Rov who deals with at-risk teens, for guidance.

Sometimes, the best answer is just "oops, I messed up. Sorry."

I'm actually very sympathetic towards you. I understand that hurt people, hurt people and it's obvious that you have been deeply hurt in the realm of religiosity.

The only reason I spoke up is because I didnt want the op coming back to her thread and seeing an attack instead of support.

amother

Oak

Mon, Jan 28 2019, 12:07 pm

naturalmom5 wrote:

Did she say anything about wanting her daughter to dress in an extreme matter? The older daughter likely dresses outside of the mainstream, halachically acceptable dress code. Either way, she's allowed to have a certain standard for her family, whether or not you agree with it, and to want her younger daughter to dress appropriately.

oneofakind

Mon, Jan 28 2019, 12:12 pm

Groisemomma, who do you speak to in Bais Horaah for chinuch advice and which Bais Horaah?

ShishKabob

Mon, Jan 28 2019, 12:37 pm

OP, you are a very good mother with beautiful middos. It's commendable that you are trying to maintain sholom in your home while steering your 8yr old in the right direction. I don't have any practical advice but I did want to say that I am amazed at your sensitivity. Bhatzlocha

caza

Mon, Jan 28 2019, 5:32 pm

You sound like a great mum, caring about BOTH kids.
I don't have advice but super impressed with how sensitive you have written about both kids.(even though she is not on your standard)

amother

Tan

Mon, Jan 28 2019, 9:13 pm

How do you explain other things to her that her older sister does that don't apply to her? What about something like "your sister has reached the age where she needs figure out her boundaries and make some decisions on her own, but when she was your age the same rules that you have now applied to her."

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