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Child is scared of dying



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amother
Cerulean


 

Post Wed, Jan 30 2019, 9:57 pm
My 11 year old is very scared of getting a heart attack. He has a very minor heart defect that doesn’t affect his life and ever since we discovered it he freaks out every few months that he is going to die.
I have reassured him many times. I have explained that kids pretty much never get heart attacks. I told him his heart defect has no connection to heart attacks. We spoke to his doctor about his heart and the doctor is not worried in the least.
But he is still terrified.
I regret ever having him diagnosed in the first place. This discovery has only added stress and there’s nothing needing to be done about it so it would have been far better to never know about it.

I am at a loss on how to reassure him. Every time I think I got through to him he freaks out again.
Please help.
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INSPIREME




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 30 2019, 10:03 pm
Why don't you have the cardiologist speak to him, and reassure him. Perhaps he can recommend books for your child to read to help him calm down..
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amother
Chartreuse


 

Post Wed, Jan 30 2019, 10:26 pm
Sounds like he is having intrusive thoughts, the diagnosis is just an excuse. Does he have anxiety about other things too, or just this?
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amother
cornflower


 

Post Thu, Jan 31 2019, 1:48 am
Could this have to do with the recent case in RBS where a seemingly perfectly healthy 9th grader collapsed on the basketball course and had a full-blown cardiac arrest? Apparently he also had had a very minor heart defect in the past and this was completely unexpected. Maybe your son heard about this and thinks it might happen to him.
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Rappel




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 31 2019, 3:31 am
Unless there is an underlying fear which he isn't expressing in words, the only solution I can see is to give him information. Sit him down with some form of Cardio-pathology 101, and educate him about his own condition, and others. Show him his test results, and help him interpret them. Put his mind at rest.
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amother
Mauve


 

Post Thu, Jan 31 2019, 3:58 am
It sounds like health anxiety. I suffered with crazy health anxiety as a child and it continues into adulthood. I agree with going to a cardiologist, giving him more info etc- if that doesn't work maybe seek council from a psychologist on how to deal with anxiety. No reason for him to be walking around with that heaviness.
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allthingsblue




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 31 2019, 7:14 am
I suggest that he see a therapist.
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oneofakind




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 31 2019, 5:56 pm
If all the reassurance and education doesn't help, it's anxiety that needs to be treated by a therapist and more reassurance won't help and might even make it worse.
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amother
Cobalt


 

Post Thu, Jan 31 2019, 6:15 pm
Can he be taught to sit with those feelings and be ok having them? Feelings pass if we allow them to be.
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Zehava




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 31 2019, 6:43 pm
I think it’s normal to start thinking about death at that age. He’s a preteen and his brain is developing and he’s losing his childhood innocence. I had a huge fear of death starting at age 10. It was triggered by a couple people who died in their sleep at the time. I was afraid I wouldn’t wake up.
The truth is, and he knows it, that we all die someday, and learning to live with our mortality is a developmental milestone.
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amother
Orange


 

Post Thu, Jan 31 2019, 7:34 pm
amother wrote:
My 11 year old is very scared of getting a heart attack. He has a very minor heart defect that doesn’t affect his life and ever since we discovered it he freaks out every few months that he is going to die.
I have reassured him many times. I have explained that kids pretty much never get heart attacks. I told him his heart defect has no connection to heart attacks. We spoke to his doctor about his heart and the doctor is not worried in the least.
But he is still terrified.
I regret ever having him diagnosed in the first place. This discovery has only added stress and there’s nothing needing to be done about it so it would have been far better to never know about it.

I am at a loss on how to reassure him. Every time I think I got through to him he freaks out again.
Please help.


I have a heart condition and I can relate to your son's feelings. I was diagnosed at 15, but it didn't really become an issue until my first pregnancy (I am in my twenties and have two children). At this point, I just need to be monitored by a cardiologist, but I will need surgery eventually.

First of all, do not regret getting diagnosed. It was the right thing to do. A proper diagnosis can bring clarity, and ease anxiety and confusion.

I used to be very similar to your son, in that I was always worried that I was having a heart attack (even though my condition also has zero connection to heart attacks). Every time I would see an ambulance I would imagine myself in there. Similarly, every time I would see a hospital I would imagine myself in there dying. I was constantly worried about my heart, and I could not sleep well or function optimally.

Living with a heart condition is a scary reality, even if it does not affect daily life.

What ultimately helped me overcome this was a combination of a few things:

1) Finding an excellent PCP and cardiologist. I know I can express all my fears and worries to them, and they will be honest, yet reassuring, about my condition. It will probably be very helpful for your son to have such a relationship with a doctor

2) Therapy, with a therapist who specializes in anxiety related to living with a medical condition

3) Family support-My husband is extremely supportive. He took it upon himself to educate himself extensively about my condition, and he keeps abreast of the latest innovations in cardiac surgery that relate to my condition. It really calms me to know that he will make sure I get the best possible care

Best of luck
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amother
Olive


 

Post Tue, Feb 05 2019, 7:08 pm
Anxiety can be relentless taskmaster, taking over one's life. Therapy with a someone who specializes in anxiety could be extremely beneficial. I have a child who had cancer. Years after he b"H finished treatment, he suffered extreme anxiety about many issues, some related to his past illness. We found a competent therapist who gave him the tools to navigate through his anxieties. B"H, it helped so much! He now has the coping skills to deal with things and is able to name his fears.
Good Luck!
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levlongnprosper




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Feb 05 2019, 8:09 pm
amother wrote:
I am at a loss on how to reassure him. Every time I think I got through to him he freaks out again.


This is the point where a therapist needs to get involved. Imagine how awful it must be to not even feel safe in your own skin! How can you learn and grow and be a child? Your son needs to process that and the what ifs. That fear can be a wonderful gift if it's translated into living life to the fullest because you know HaShem is in charge of the world and anything can happen at any moment. That fear can be a terrible burden if it's translated into reticence and diffidence and withdrawal from the world. Therapy can help push your son towards the former and away from the latter.

Hatzlacha!
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