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Torn btwn going back to work or stay home until baby older
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amother




Tan


Post  Mon, Feb 04 2019, 10:27 am
Every day I go back and forth between the options and I really don't know what to do.

I currently am home with my adorable 6 month old baby. We are BH just making it, but don't have money for any extras such as cleaning help, takeout, or anything not totally a necessity. We always look out for cheaper clothes, groceries...

I'm debating if it's worth it for me to go back to work (I work in a field where it does not really make a difference if I take a break for a while, as far as advanvcing). If I work, we would I'h have some breathing space for extras, especially cleaning help and other things that I don't consider splurges, but definitely will make life easier. But if I go back to work, it means my baby will be going to a babysitter. I know that it's not the end of the world, but I have trust issues and I really don't trust anyone (besides close family) with my baby. It really makes me anxious just to think of sending her.

I guess this is really just a vent, since this is what goes through my mind daily, and I cannot come to a decision.

If anyone has any insight, it'll be much appreciated!
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amother




White


Post  Mon, Feb 04 2019, 10:30 am
I think a lot depends on when you will be having another child - if things work out how you'd like them to work out.
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amother




Aqua


Post  Mon, Feb 04 2019, 10:39 am
I was in similar shoes when my baby was that age. Then I found out I was pregnant again and I had to send her out. It was the best and most difficult decision. I also didn’t trust anyone but found a babysitter who she really likes. She loves the social interaction and is really happy there. And I never realized how much of a breather I needed. It was so hard being on call all day every day. Do your research and see how it goes. Maybe find the babysitter first and try it for a week or two and then go back. I did just 3 hours a day at the babysitter in the beginning and added hours as I saw how much happier she was with other kids. Good luck.
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ShishKabob




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Feb 04 2019, 11:08 am
I would stay home. There's no one else that can take care of your baby like you, And the first few years are so important. There's also no one else that can love your baby like you.
From what I understood, it's only the extras like cleaning help (which is not such an extra, but still) that you can't pay for if you stay home. It's not like your bread and butter. So, I vote, if you enjoy being with your baby and enjoy staying at home with him, then go for it. You can always go back to work in a little bit. Whatever you decide, you should have peace of mind and good luck!
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EMEN




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Feb 04 2019, 11:21 am
How many hours a day would it be if you go back to work?
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amother




Amethyst


Post  Mon, Feb 04 2019, 11:34 am
I had my first when I was 40. DH has other children who I am raising and it wasn’t easy that I didn’t work but we made it through 2 years BH and they’ve been the hardest and happiest years of my life.
There was no option for me to work part time. It would have been full time or nothing.
I couldn’t part with my baby. I know many women are better mothers when they get a breather but this is what worked for us.
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rofa




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Feb 04 2019, 11:44 am
If I was in your situation, I'd wait until baby was a year old.
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amother




Olive


Post  Mon, Feb 04 2019, 12:00 pm
I don't know your field but any way you can either do part time or is it something u can do with a baby? I took my kids to work with me until it got too much.
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amother




Linen


Post  Mon, Feb 04 2019, 1:01 pm
If you are happy staying home then for sure stay home. You are giving your child a special gift that you can never do again...You can always work in a year etc; but your baby will be a baby just once...enjoy every minute!
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tichellady




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Feb 04 2019, 2:37 pm
Do you enjoy being home with your baby?
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trixx




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Feb 04 2019, 2:42 pm
When would you go back to work? That makes a big diff. An 8m old is really different from a 6m old. If you can, maybe waiting til after summer and starting then or in September (not sure what field you are in) is a good compromise.
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Ruchel




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Feb 04 2019, 2:43 pm
Stay as much as you can
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heidi




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Feb 04 2019, 2:45 pm
If you can swing it financially (even tightly) there is nothing more important to a baby than having her mother with her.
And I know babies can be happy at babysitters.
I still think the ideal is for a baby to be with her mother all day every day
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amother




Babyblue


Post  Mon, Feb 04 2019, 2:47 pm
Am I the Only one who doesn’t see the difference of going back at 6M versus at 1 year?

You’ll just make an attached one year old miserable when you leave him over.

For me, it’s either babysitter from when they’re young and not yet scared of strangers, or it’s home with them until they would go out to school anyway.
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Cheiny




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Feb 04 2019, 4:32 pm
amother wrote:
Every day I go back and forth between the options and I really don't know what to do.

I currently am home with my adorable 6 month old baby. We are BH just making it, but don't have money for any extras such as cleaning help, takeout, or anything not totally a necessity. We always look out for cheaper clothes, groceries...

I'm debating if it's worth it for me to go back to work (I work in a field where it does not really make a difference if I take a break for a while, as far as advanvcing). If I work, we would I'h have some breathing space for extras, especially cleaning help and other things that I don't consider splurges, but definitely will make life easier. But if I go back to work, it means my baby will be going to a babysitter. I know that it's not the end of the world, but I have trust issues and I really don't trust anyone (besides close family) with my baby. It really makes me anxious just to think of sending her.

I guess this is really just a vent, since this is what goes through my mind daily, and I cannot come to a decision.

If anyone has any insight, it'll be much appreciated!


I can’t say this strongly enough, and most therapists agree.,.,your baby only has one childhood which will pass before you know it. If you’re able, the best thing for your baby is to have his/her mommy home taking care of him/her....NO ONE else in the world, especially hired help, can or will ever love or care for that child like a parent can. Don’t deprive the child of that precious gift. Many studies have shown that children raised by others do not fare as well as adults, as children raised by their parents and given enough physical affection and emotional love. In a couple of years your child can go to playgroup/nursery and you can go back to work then.


Last edited by Cheiny on Mon, Feb 04 2019, 10:48 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Cheiny




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Feb 04 2019, 4:33 pm
tichellady wrote:
Do you enjoy being home with your baby?


Is that what the criteria is? Stay home if you enjoy being with your baby??
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Fabulous




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Feb 04 2019, 4:41 pm
Cheiny wrote:
Is that what the criteria is? Stay home if you enjoy being with your baby??


Yes because mothers who don’t enjoy it will likely not do it as well, maybe even resent it, and likely use electronic for their babies etc.. some women are not cut out to stay home with babies and it doesn’t take away from the fact that they can still be great mothers
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amother




Apricot


Post  Mon, Feb 04 2019, 4:41 pm
Cheiny wrote:
Is that what the criteria is? Stay home if you enjoy being with your baby??


Well obviously if you don't like being home you shouldn't. What's not to get?
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amother




Linen


Post  Mon, Feb 04 2019, 7:58 pm
Baby blue, it doesn't work like that...there is a huge difference.
Every single day that a mom is home and present for the baby is a tremendous gift to the child! A gift that no one else can give and one that even the mom can't give in a few years. A baby that is home with mom for a year will have a stronger and healthier attachment as an adult ( assuming the mom is emotionally healthy and present for the child) Another huge difference is that at 6 months a baby is nursing more frequently and for the mom to be home at that stage is so helpful . ( As opposed to a child who is 1 who is also having mostly solids at that point...) If a mom can swing it financially for a baby even past one that is truly special as well. Regardless of your decision OP, enjoy your delicious baby!Smile
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amother




Mustard


Post  Mon, Feb 04 2019, 10:02 pm
I agree with another baby blue. It will be traumatic for the baby to have to separate from his mother at a year and it will make it much harder for OP to go back to work. OP, my mother was a sahm and I could not imagine going back to work after my first DD, who is now BH 19 years old. Staying home was not an option financially, and I’m in a line of work where you need to stay current to progress. I was able to find part time flexible work, but did take DD to a babysitter for a few hours 3 days a week. DH watched her on Sundays. I have lots of trust issues, but I found someone highly recommended who watched a few children in her home with the assistance of her daughter in law. I liked the social interaction that DD got as she got older and I liked that the parents who sent were on different schedules. So people were in and out of the house throughout the day observing what was going on.
While you are able to just make it now without any extras, that isn’t going to last long. At some point you will want another child, this child will need to start school, or you may be hit with other expenses. You could work, continue living at your current standard, and put some money away for your future. As children get older, expenses skyrocket in ways you can’t imagine. Since you will have to go to work eventually, I think it will be easier on you and your baby if you do it sooner than later and you both get used to the new situation. You aren’t going to be able to do this with future children anyway.
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