Mourning my DD's choice to go to public HS
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Post  Tue, Feb 05 2019, 10:19 pm
southernbubby wrote:
I wonder how often drugs are found in the girls schools.
The public school district might be able to inform incoming parents on how they keep out drugs and firearms.

Why do you assume they keep out drugs? I live next to a middle school in what's considered a really good district. I see kids before, during and right after school hours smoking pot not far from school. Did I mention it's only middle school? In a good district? Yeah.
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Post  Tue, Feb 05 2019, 10:21 pm
amother wrote:
NOT finding drugs does not mean they haven’t been taken...

That's unfortunately true in much of America. So if 10% of any group of people is on drugs, a large school means a bigger drug problem.
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Post  Tue, Feb 05 2019, 11:29 pm
PinkFridge wrote:
Non sectarian (I.e. non church connected) schools are likely to be extremely expensive and high pressured.

Many are, but there are also smaller schools that specialize in kids who don't fit in to the public system. Really depends on where you live.
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Post  Wed, Feb 06 2019, 2:13 am
Take her to isreal. Or to a real truthful fun loving teacher. This child sounds like she needs imense Tender Love and care. And a nice big bear hug a couple times a day! And unconditional. Love! Good luck! And hears a biiiig bear hug for mama!!🤗🤗🤗
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Post  Wed, Feb 06 2019, 2:37 am
amother wrote:
My DD absolutely refuses to consider going to the Jewish high schools in our area. There aren't many but still she refuses. If we force her, she will make life miserable and hate it anyway. What's worse, she says she is "not going to do anything Jewish" when she is older. She says she has no clothes for when she is to go to high school and I told her she would wear her usual clothes. She says, "no. kids will make fun of me", yet she won't step out of the house in anything that is hugging or shows any shape because she is so self conscious. She is so worried about what other kids will think of her. I can't imagine her going to a public school. I just can't see her functioning well. I'm sad she feels this way. She hates her current Jewish school and can't wait to leave. I wish it would be just an easy fix to just pick up and move to a place that has a school she would want to go to. Unfortunately, I think any Jewish school is out of the question in her mind. I'm upset about her attitude but I don't think being openly upset is going to help. I know I need to show that I don't judge her so I don't push her away, but I am having a hard time.

So she dislikes Jewish school, and has no intention of keeping yiddishkeit when she comes of age.

She is self-conscious so she will probably try to fit in as much as possible (behavior + style of dress) if she transfers to a public school.

It sounds to me like she wants to drop yiddishkeit altogether.

How did she get to this point? What does she dislike about her school (or about her homelife?) so much that is turning her off so strongly from Judaism?
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Post  Wed, Feb 06 2019, 7:21 am
amother wrote:
Why do you assume they keep out drugs? I live next to a middle school in what's considered a really good district. I see kids before, during and right after school hours smoking pot not far from school. Did I mention it's only middle school? In a good district? Yeah.

I don't assume that public school is safer than a frum school. I posted it in sarcasm in response to the assumption that drugs are readily available in OP's daughter's school.

Yes there are plenty of smart and successful students in public schools who will be successful in life but any student who comes from a sheltered environment needs to be informed.

Schools usually have policies regarding drugs and overdoses.
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Post  Wed, Feb 06 2019, 8:30 am
OP, you sound like an amazing mother.

There is so much to say here, but as Others have said, your top priority must be to keep the line of communication open with DD. Make sure she knows she can talk to you about anything and that you're there for her no matter what.

I would absolutely let her go to the public school, and not let her know how disappointed you are. Behave as if you are excited for her, take her shopping for clothes and supplies and don't say anything like "but if it all goes wrong, you can go to the Jewish school." Give her confidence that everything will go well at the public school.

THEN, either things really will go well, OR, she will come to you and the solution might be to send her to a different (Jewish) school. With the emotional issues you describe, it sounds as if she might be unhappy in any of the schools, as the problem is not school itself. I think that insisting on the Jewish school will break down the line of communication between you and DD, and she will blame you for her unhappiness, even though the problem is not the school.

Some things I was wondering about:

Have you got a large family and is she the oldest child?

Does she feel particularly self conscious in front of specific pupils at her current school? Is she being bullied? Could it be she wants to go to a different school to them? Alternatively, is there a girl she is or would like to be friends with who is going to the public school.

Is your family one of the more right wing represented in her class?
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