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Forum
-> Household Management
-> Finances
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amother
Bisque
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 Wed, Feb 06 2019, 12:28 am
| amother wrote: | absurd! Mind your own business! You pay tuition for your own kids end of story. trust me you aint getting a phone call from your school one day- "Hi, a family we had been giving a tuition break to suddenly started to pay their full bill. as a result we can now lower your tuition bill every month."
Please.
mothers that want to stay home because they want to be able to be with their kids- that is a good enough reason!! but regardless of any reasons- it really makes no difference to you! |
If there isn’t enough money to operate the school - it makes a difference to everyone what choices are made.
So funny this thread - people recoil at the idea of helping each other with childcare (sharing resources), yet don’t chup that’s what happens with tuition dollars (sharing resources).
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amother
Pumpkin
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Wed, Feb 06 2019, 12:30 am
| dankbar wrote: | | Who says the effort & hishtadlus has to fall on the woman....if the husband is working it's enough of an hishtadlus to show Hashem that you want parnasa & you have a vessel from where the bracha should come forth. |
I’m not a woman that can just act as if it’s DH’s problem that we need money to live. I can’t understand this type of thinking.
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southernbubby
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Wed, Feb 06 2019, 7:35 am
| aliavi wrote: | There are many women that would like to be home and raising a larger family than they have but do not do so because they recognize the realities of finances. They may have larger gaps between children because of childcare costs.
Even if her husband works, it may be beneficial financially and sensible for her to do so as well. A couple should evaluate the options and accept the disadvantages of that option. |
There was an entire blog devoted to this years ago. There were lots of disgruntled working moms, who were on BC in order to work and pay tuition. They resented the SAHMs who had big families and got tuition reductions on that basis. The school would not be able to make payroll if the majority of the mothers were making that choice.
Now many schools are predominantly attended by children from large families whose mothers stay home and my guess is that the Chassidishe schools run lots of buildings off of one administration and don't pay the teachers well and get whatever they can from the government and maybe have help from the g'virim.
Maybe someone else here has insight into how that works.
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amother
Indigo
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Wed, Feb 06 2019, 8:11 am
I've been trying to figure out why this OP absolutely infuriated me, and I couldn't quite put my finger on it - and I say this as a woman who works and pays full tuition.
And then I realized, it was the assumption that SAHM's have nothing better to do than watch your kids when they have off from school. SAHM's usually have good reasons for not working, and even if the only reason is because they have a lot of kids, why in the world do you think it's appropriate to just drop your kids off at some woman's house WHO ALSO NOW HAS MORE KIDS HOME WITH HER?
I know, I know, the tuition crises upsets me too. I know there are a lot of families taking advantage by having lots of kids and getting big discounts. It's unfair. But they also aren't just sitting around eating chocolate all day while you work. They're watching their millions of kids at home.
Now, required volunteer hours at the school to offset tuition, as some schools have - that I can get behind. But this? No.
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amother
Blonde
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Wed, Feb 06 2019, 8:46 am
| amother wrote: | If there isn’t enough money to operate the school - it makes a difference to everyone what choices are made.
So funny this thread - people recoil at the idea of helping each other with childcare (sharing resources), yet don’t chup that’s what happens with tuition dollars (sharing resources). |
If there isn't enough money to run the school, the administration is either not effective in managing that end, or they simply can't afford to stay open given the variables they're working with. It's not a given that someone can open a school and expect the finances to work out.
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amother
Bisque
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Wed, Feb 06 2019, 8:59 am
| amother wrote: | | If there isn't enough money to run the school, the administration is either not effective in managing that end, or they simply can't afford to stay open given the variables they're working with. It's not a given that someone can open a school and expect the finances to work out. |
I agree.
And there are schools that can run on tuitions that most of the families at the school can pay with an average single income.
But there are also those that can’t... for multiple reasons.
There are zillions of fact patterns and families... but a flat out ‘I want to stay home with my kids, it’s nobody’s business’ should be paired with some recognition that this choice is impacting other people if tuition deductions are required to make that happen.... Each family is different, has different needs.
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amother
Brunette
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Wed, Feb 06 2019, 9:15 am
| dankbar wrote: | | Who says the effort & hishtadlus has to fall on the woman....if the husband is working it's enough of an hishtadlus to show Hashem that you want parnasa & you have a vessel from where the bracha should come forth. |
And if the vessel's bracha doesn't bear enough fruit? Do we just sit around and say too bad, or is it perhaps that Hashem is asking us for some additional hishtadlus?
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dankbar
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Wed, Feb 06 2019, 9:59 am
[quote="southernbubby"]There was an entire blog devoted to this years ago. There were lots of disgruntled working moms, who were on BC in order to work and pay tuition. They resented the SAHMs who had big families and got tuition reductions on that basis. The school would not be able to make payroll if the majority of the mothers were making that choice.
You see for yourself, that it's all in the priorities. For some, its more important to advance in their career, have more money & less children. They plan their family around finances/schooling. They work to be able to pay tuition & later schooling because that what's important to them. A good education....
Then for some, having family, less money is more inportant.
Now according to this chesbon, that they're having fewer kids to be able to pay tuition.....
So they let's say they have only one kid enrolled in school whereas same time neighbor has 5 kids enrolled in same school....
The one with one kid is paying the top price....lets say $500 monthly......
The neighbor if charged this amt × 5 would be netting out 2500 a month. She's sahm & can't afford to pay this amount monthly....she asks for a discount. Let's say she gets $100 off per kid. So now she is paying $2000 versus $2500.
The school is benefitting from this family $2000 per month, where they are getting from you only $500 per month.
In all these threads it's not a cost per child basis that everyone pays....its more taking from richer & paying for poorer....but school just got $1500 more per month from poorer family & distributing it to overall cost & expenses.
If you say more kids so costs more....not all expenses work that way....does school pay more for teacher if she has 25 kids in class versus 24 kids?
That's business....for school it pays to give larger family discount....because if they cant afford full tuition & will go elsewhere where tuition is cheaper they are losing out on 5 kids tuition....
When you are buying a case versus single piece, you are expecting to pay less
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amother
Blonde
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Wed, Feb 06 2019, 10:03 am
[quote="dankbar"] | southernbubby wrote: | There was an entire blog devoted to this years ago. There were lots of disgruntled working moms, who were on BC in order to work and pay tuition. They resented the SAHMs who had big families and got tuition reductions on that basis. The school would not be able to make payroll if the majority of the mothers were making that choice.
You see for yourself, that it's all in the priorities. For some, its more important to advance in their career, have more money & less children. They plan their family around finances/schooling. They work to be able to pay tuition & later schooling because that what's important to them. A good education....
Then for some, having family, less money is more inportant.
Now according to this chesbon, that they're having fewer kids to be able to pay tuition.....
So they let's say they have only one kid enrolled in school whereas same time neighbor has 5 kids enrolled in same school....
The one with one kid is paying the top price....lets say $500 monthly......
The neighbor if charged this amt × 5 would be netting out 2500 a month. She's sahm & can't afford to pay this amount monthly....she asks for a discount. Let's say she gets $100 off per kid. So now she is paying $2000 versus $2500.
The school is benefitting from this family $2000 per month, where they are getting from you only $500 per month.
In all these threads it's not a cost per child basis that everyone pays....its more taking from richer & paying for poorer....but school just got $1500 more per month from poorer family & distributing it to overall cost & expenses.
If you say more kids so costs more....not all expenses work that way....does school pay more for teacher if she has 25 kids in class versus 24 kids?
That's business....for school it pays to give larger family discount....because if they cant afford full tuition & will go elsewhere where tuition is cheaper they are losing out on 5 kids tuition....
When you are buying a case versus single piece, you are expecting to pay less |
Schools give discounts for siblings regardless of whether or not the mother is working. It's not because they want the kids, it's because they understand that it's a bigger burden the more the parents are paying. Many schools have waiting lists, they're really not desperate for students. I don't think you really understand how it works. And no, it's not helpful to give the big family with the sahm mom a discount if it means they don't cover their own expenses in the school. The school is much better off from a financial point of view accepting 5 kids from separate families who will cover their own costs.
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ectomorph
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Wed, Feb 06 2019, 10:09 am
Dankbar, people on imamother hate large families. Has been established on many threads. So your logic won't convince anyone.
Fortunately in real life the frum community highly values large families that contribute to our future. May we all have nachas from our children and may klal yosral continue to increase!
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Ruchel
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Wed, Feb 06 2019, 10:26 am
Assuming sahms moms have the patience, ressources, space and ability to be sitters makes me laugh.
Suddenly where are the ocd ladies who need cams at the sitter? would you let your kid with a stranger who isn't qualified because she's at home? are you that GREEDY
When I applied to the cheder/BY the rebbetzin asked what I do, I said I'm at home (I had bh 4 kids at the time) and she said "oh yeah you have enough". She did NOT tell me to work, not to not get a cut, nor to slave for workers.
I AM actually one of the few willing to be do stuff for the school and my husband helps when he can too, but it's rarely a need they have, and who will cover my uber to there?
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amother
Blonde
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Wed, Feb 06 2019, 11:00 am
| ectomorph wrote: | Dankbar, people on imamother hate large families. Has been established on many threads. So your logic won't convince anyone.
Fortunately in real life the frum community highly values large families that contribute to our future. May we all have nachas from our children and may klal yosral continue to increase! |
I don't hate large families, I think they're certainly entitled to sibling discounts. But the reasoning that they should get an additional discount because they have so many kids in the school is flawed, especially when you're using it as evidence that a woman can simply decide not to contribute financially just because. Like her contribution to the school's finances is simply giving birth to all of them.
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Ruchel
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Wed, Feb 06 2019, 11:08 am
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Sibling discount is more and more with each sibling... so that's an additional discount. They stiil pay more than you LOL.
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southernbubby
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Wed, Feb 06 2019, 11:10 am
| amother wrote: | I've been trying to figure out why this OP absolutely infuriated me, and I couldn't quite put my finger on it - and I say this as a woman who works and pays full tuition.
And then I realized, it was the assumption that SAHM's have nothing better to do than watch your kids when they have off from school. SAHM's usually have good reasons for not working, and even if the only reason is because they have a lot of kids, why in the world do you think it's appropriate to just drop your kids off at some woman's house WHO ALSO NOW HAS MORE KIDS HOME WITH HER?
I know, I know, the tuition crises upsets me too. I know there are a lot of families taking advantage by having lots of kids and getting big discounts. It's unfair. But they also aren't just sitting around eating chocolate all day while you work. They're watching their millions of kids at home.
Now, required volunteer hours at the school to offset tuition, as some schools have - that I can get behind. But this? No. |
Some volunteer work is done from home. You can prepare craft projects, make phone calls, raise money, among other things.
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amother
Bisque
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Wed, Feb 06 2019, 11:11 am
| ectomorph wrote: | Dankbar, people on imamother hate large families. Has been established on many threads. So your logic won't convince anyone.
Fortunately in real life the frum community highly values large families that contribute to our future. May we all have nachas from our children and may klal yosral continue to increase! |
Who hates large families?
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SixOfWands
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Wed, Feb 06 2019, 11:17 am
| Ruchel wrote: | | Sibling discount is more and more with each sibling... so that's an additional discount. They stiil pay more than you LOL. |
Shrug. Its also costs more to educate 4 kids than it does to educate one.
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Iymnok
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Wed, Feb 06 2019, 11:18 am
It may be a financial decision not to work. If working means paying transportation, babysitting for two kids, more convenience foods wardrobe/sheitel and possibly cleaning help, she may be losing more than she’s making.
Staying home can also avail a woman to engage in money saving projects.
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gold21
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Wed, Feb 06 2019, 11:28 am
| Iymnok wrote: | It may be a financial decision not to work. If working means paying transportation, babysitting for two kids, more convenience foods wardrobe/sheitel and possibly cleaning help, she may be losing more than she’s making.
Staying home can also avail a woman to engage in money saving projects. |
Agreed. It costs quite a bit of money for a mom to work. Depending on the field she is in, a mom may or may not find her salary that significant.
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amother
Blonde
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Wed, Feb 06 2019, 11:46 am
| Ruchel wrote: | | Sibling discount is more and more with each sibling... so that's an additional discount. They stiil pay more than you LOL. |
I don't think many pay more than I do, as I have a bunch of kids in the school myself. Regardless, if each family is not covering the cost of educating their own kids, they don't deserve a round of applause just for having so many kids in the school. It just means more kids for other families to supplement.
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mommy3b2c
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Wed, Feb 06 2019, 12:00 pm
| amother wrote: | I've been trying to figure out why this OP absolutely infuriated me, and I couldn't quite put my finger on it - and I say this as a woman who works and pays full tuition.
And then I realized, it was the assumption that SAHM's have nothing better to do than watch your kids when they have off from school. SAHM's usually have good reasons for not working, and even if the only reason is because they have a lot of kids, why in the world do you think it's appropriate to just drop your kids off at some woman's house WHO ALSO NOW HAS MORE KIDS HOME WITH HER?
I know, I know, the tuition crises upsets me too. I know there are a lot of families taking advantage by having lots of kids and getting big discounts. It's unfair. But they also aren't just sitting around eating chocolate all day while you work. They're watching their millions of kids at home.
Now, required volunteer hours at the school to offset tuition, as some schools have - that I can get behind. But this? No. |
I totally agree with this.
These types of posts always leave me scratching my head.
Communism doesn’t work.
You think the sahm mom has it easier then you?
Then do what she does.
I happen to be a SAHM that pays full tuition. Maybe I should watch your kids anyway because it isn’t fair that my husband makes enough money to let me stay home?
(Ftr, I’d be glad to watch your kids if you ask nicely. I love helping people.)
Life isn’t fair people.
Do the best you can with the resources you have. Don’t worry about anyone else.
You’ll be a lot happier. I promise.
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